I don't want to wear a mask anymore I don't want to hide the pain and suffering I just want to be me without worrying about what others will think without worrying how they judge me but I can't freely do that but I can't because my anxiety today my mother told me that my brother in law's brother will be coming to our Christmas dinner at my sister's house and there we will be exchanging gifts and I'm afraid how I will react if my sister got me anime manga Kpop stuff I know I'll fangirl and I don't know how they would perceive that what they would think I know they won't understand but no matter who's there I just want to be able to be me freely and express myself and be happy but I can't do that with my anxiety in my mind always saying but what  do they think they are probably judge me they probably think you're crazy I don't want to hear those words I just want to shut them out but it's hard to do that when you're so very loud I just want to be me I just want to be happy but I care too much so this is the time when it comes for me to consider do I put back on that mask but I don't want to wear it anymore I take off that mask and I show you the pain and the suffering all you do is feel burden you don't understand what it's like for me to pretend and put on a smile when I'm not happy I feel broken and I take off that mask because I trust you but instead you want me to look and happy comfortable do you not understand that I'm trying to show you what it's really like what I'm really like and I'm trying to change that but no my sister won't understand she doesn't understand I put my faith in her and I thought I could finally show her the real me but all she could tell me was if I wanted to I could just leave so now I have to consider do I put back on that mask for her but I don't want to wear a mask anymore