Dear Rosey,
Is it possible that sometimes you meet the right person at the wrong time? Because I am pretty sure that is what happened to us. If we could have met before that day, even if it was just one day before I have a feeling we wouldn’t be in this situation.
“Okay, girls I want it glowing, and don’t forget the rims,” Melissa called.
“Okay mom, it will look good as new, right Z?”
“You bet.” I gave a thumbs up.
“We’ll be back, I’m going to look at wedding dresses with your aunt.”
“I’m going to hang out with your uncle.” My dad said sounding less enthusiastic.
“It will be fine.” Melissa assured him.
He grumbled under his breath.
Then it was just you and I again, with your mom's dirty car between us.
“Let’s put on some tunes.” You hopped in the car and started blasting the radio.
Working in our swimsuits as we washed the car I felt like we stepped out of one of those early 2000’s movies where there is always one random provocative scene for no good reason than that they could put one random provocative scene. Lucky for us my neighbors keep to themselves.
I was getting into detailing the rims when a cold splash of water hit me in the back.
“Rosey!” I gasped coming to an abrupt stand.
“Got you!”
Then I got the soap bucket and flung some bubbles at you. Then it turned into all-out war. It took me a while but I finally wrestled the hose from you and started spraying you with it.
“Ahh! Zara! Okay, you win!” you laughed.
“That’s right, how dare you challenge the almighty Z.” I teased.
“You're so full of it.” You flung bubbles at me.
Then I flung bubbles back and the war recommenced. It ended with you pinning me to the car, the hose forgotten on the ground.
“I’ll henceforth be known as Rose the great and powerful.” You decreed.
“As if.” I giggled.
The tension was back again. The darkness was in your eyes again. I swallowed loudly. You were about to lean in when a car horn caused us to jolt apart. We had been caught red-handed, by Blythe.
“Well, well, well what do we have here? What’s your fee girls?” She teased as she rolled down the window.
“Blythe what are you doing here?” I asked.
“No way was I going to pass up the chance to see you all wet.” She winked at me.
“Blythe if my dad were here, he’d kill me.”
“Well he’s not, I am.”
Then she pulled up next to my house and parked the car. I looked to you and saw a sour look on your face.
“So what were you two doing when I pulled up?” She asked getting out of the car.
“Just horsing around.” I shrugged trying my best to seem nonchalant.
“We actually should get back to work if you don’t mind.” You snapped.
“Oh don’t mind me, I’m just here to watch Zar do her thing.” She snapped my swimsuit strap.
“Blythe how am I going to focus with you watching.” I tried, the truth was I wanted her gone just as much as you did. I wanted it to be just the two of us.
“That’s the point.” Then she kissed me.
Before I knew it she had turned our simple kiss into a deep makeout session.
“Stop.” I tried to pull away.
“Why getting close?” she teased bitting my neck.
“S-shut up.”
“Make me.”
Next thing I know cold water is being sprayed at us.
“Rosey!”
“Oh my god!” Blythe gasped.
You were laughing.
“What the hell!” Blythe hissed.
“What I had to get you two to stop sucking face somehow. We have work to do Zara.”
“You should go home to dry off,” I said to Blythe.
She glared daggers at you. Then I think just to spite you she pulled me in for another kiss.
“I’ll see you tomorrow at school.” She finally pulled back.
“Okay.” I was still trying to catch my breath.
I was relieved when she was finally gone. We finished washing the car in silence. I think you were mad at me, but I didn’t know why. Okay I did, I know you don’t like Blythe yet I forced you to watch me makeout with her. I would be mad too if you made me watch you makeout with someone.
After we had both showered we were alone in the house again. I knew I had to say something.
“Sorry about Blythe, I had no idea she was going to show up here.” I tried.
“Well, she’s your girlfriend so I guess she can show up whenever she wants.” You snapped before turning your back to me and inspecting the fridge.
“Are you mad at me?”
You just shrugged. I don’t know what a shrug means coming from you, it looked like you were mad but didn’t want to admit that you were.
I just sighed in defeat and rested my head against the wall.
“Why do you like her, she’s horrible.” You finally turned to me with an apple in your mouth.
“It’s complicated, she may be horrible but she also understands me in a way.”
“A sick twisted way.” You grumbled.
“Yeah well, maybe I’m just as sick and twisted as she is.” I felt myself getting angry.
“She bullied you, and she didn’t even apologize I bet.”
“Who cares, I bullied her back and I didn’t apologize either! Why do you care anyway?” I started getting defensive.
“Well, maybe I don’t!”
“Then maybe you should butt out!”
“Maybe I will!”
“Fine!”
“Fine!”
Then we stared at each other in anger, I ran up the stairs and slammed myself in my room before I could retaliate.
What was that all about? Why were you getting so, so, I don’t know protective I guess. Why did you care so much that I was with Blythe? Unless you still like me, unless you lied to me and what happened in the cave wasn’t just for experimentation. Unless that tension I’ve been feeling between us was your way of showing your interest in me. I wish you would just tell me, I’d dump Blythe in a heartbeat to be with you.
…
“Did something happen when we were gone?” Dad asked at the dinner table.
“Nope.” I stabbed my fork into the pork.
When I looked up to meet your eyes we shared a quick glare, I quickly looked away.
“Okay, are you sure?” Melissa asked.
“Positive.” You snapped,
I know you wanted me to apologize but technically I did nothing wrong. You are the one who should apologize! Why should I apologize for having a girlfriend you didn’t approve of, I didn’t ask for your two cents.
“I’m not hungry.” I got up to retreat to my room, I could feel the anger starting to bubble.
My dad caught my wrist to try and stop me but he must have seen the anger bubbling in my eyes. He sighed and let me go. Then I ran upstairs and slammed myself back into my room. Where I started writing again.
You are being so unfair! Why is it on me to fix this? Why am I the only one who cares if we makeup and be normal again? Don’t you care? Isn’t that why you are mad?
...
A knock on the door forced me to put down the pen.
“Go away,” I called.
“Can we talk?” You said.
Then I marched over to the door and swung it open. I crossed my arm expectantly. You still looked mad, which only made me madder.
“Look I’m sorry okay, it’s not your fault she’s so horrible.”
“That is literally the worst apology In the history of apologies.” I snapped.
“Well, she is!”
“Shh!” I pulled you into my room and shut the door.
“Are you trying to get me killed!” I snapped.
You just shrugged.
“Okay look as my therapist says if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all.” I opened the door and motioned for you to leave.
“Why do you want to be with someone like that? She is just using you.”
“Goodbye Rosey.”
“She doesn’t care about how you feel, she is just trying to show you off like you are some prize she won.”
“Well, at least she can admit what she wants!” I yelled.
We were silent again.
“What’s going on up here.” My dad jogged up the stairs.
“Nothing.” You said.
“Girls?” Melissa joined in.
I could feel my heart in my ears, the buzzing of anger clawing at my brain. I wanted you to say it, I wanted to hear you say you wanted to be with me. But you didn’t, or couldn’t, either way, I knew you weren’t going to say anything. So I just ran downstairs and ran out the door.
“Zara wait!” You ran after me.
“Just say away from me right now! I have to blow off steam, stay away!” I ran harder, I ran faster.
I ran laps until I saw spots. Until I collapsed on the pavement and just looked up at the stars. My lungs were on fire but my anger was gone and that’s all that really mattered.
“You okay?” dad said coming to sit next to me.
“Yeah, I just blew things out of proportion, again.” I was trying to catch my breath.
“Look I don’t know what it is you two fought about, but you seemed so close yesterday. Is one fight really worth losing a connection like that?”
“No.” I could feel tears welling up in my eyes.
“Why don’t you come inside and work things out.”
“Okay, just let me catch my breath.”
He nodded and left me alone.
Looking at the stars I felt like I was one of them like each star represents a lonely person. That though some stars look close together they are actually light years away from touching another. That each lonely person is like a star because though they are surrounded by other people out there just like them, they are still worlds apart from finding a connection. Finding something that will ground them to something. That is what I felt like.
I felt like our connection grounded me, except when it didn’t. I had to remind myself of my place in the universe, that you are my stepsister and can never be anything more no matter how much I wanted it to be. I had found my lifeline, but you came at the wrong time, too late, my star was already dying and there was nothing you could do to stop it.
That makes me sad.
“Zara?” You approached me as I lay on the pavement in our driveway.
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry, for real this time.” You sat next to me.
“Me too. I’m sorry I’m a jerk face.” I didn’t look at you I just continued to stare at the stars.
“If you’re a jerk face then I must be a royal jerk face.” You joked.
I couldn’t say anything, all I could think about was how I was a star and you are a plant and that if you got to close to me I would destroy you. We could never be together because stars and planets can’t be together unless they are kept at a certain distance.
It was like it all finally sunk in, like the music had stopped and I realized that I was dancing alone. I felt like all the warmth was sucked out of my body.
“Zara, don’t cry.” You whimpered.
I felt the tears sliding down my face yet they were silent tears, silent cries of defeat. Like when a soldier realizes they are the last ones standing on a battlefield. I was alone and I would always be alone.
“Zara please.” You begged.
I forced myself to sit up and look at you. Really look at you. I know you want something from me, be it sisterhood, or something else, but the truth was I couldn’t offer you anything.
I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t. I knew my voice would betray me, so I just kissed you on the forehead and got up and went inside.
I thought was the end of it, that eventually I would get over myself and we could go back to being normal, our normal. But in the middle of the night, you snuck into my room. I was still awake my hair still wet from the shower I had taken hours earlier.
“Zara, are you awake?” You whispered slowly closing the door behind you.
I didn’t answer.
“I know you're awake.” You said.
“Please, Rose I just want to lay here.” I forced myself to sit up.
“I know.” You sat next to me.
We didn’t say anything for a while so I laid back down and turned away from you hoping you would take the hint. Then I felt your arms wrap around me and I felt you cuddle up next to me.
“What are you doing?”
“I don’t know.” You admitted.
So I turned to look at you, it was hard to make out your features in the dark, but luckily my bedside mood light lit up your eyes.
“I’ve been thinking about what you said, or didn’t say.” You whispered.
“What do you mean?”
“You were right, I was just being jealous because I can’t admit it.”
“Don’t say anything else, Rose we can’t be---”
“Zara I like you, as more than a stepsister.”
We were silent.
“Say something.” You begged.
“I really like you too, but we can’t be together. Not just because we are stepsisters either, but because I’m not—I don’t want to hurt you. I’m not safe to be around. I’m just as sick and twisted as Blythe and I don’t want to bring that toxicity into your life.”
“Shouldn’t that be my choice?”
“No. Rose you know just as well as I do that this can’t work.”
“Shouldn’t we at least give it a try?”
“What about our parents?”
You didn’t say anything.
“We can’t be together.” I turned away from you.
“I don’t care about any of that stuff.” You pulled me closer to you.
“Well, I do. I’m sorry but it has to be this way.”
We fell asleep like this and were awakened by my dad who came to wake me up for my morning laps.
“What’s this?” He asked raising an eyebrow at you still curled up next to me.
“We talked last night, worked things out.” I yawned.
“Oh, well I’m glad. You think you can do some laps?”
“Do I have to?” I whined.
“Well, I guess one freebie won’t hurt.” He smiled.
“What? What’s going on?” you asked sitting up.
“Nothing. Go back to bed girls, I’ll wake you for school.” He turned the lights off and shut the door.
I laid back down, you looked at me for a second probably contemplating if you should go back to your own room, but to reassure you I wrapped my arms around you and forced you to be the little spoon.
“Are you still mad at me?” You asked.
“No.”
“Are we going to be okay?”
“I don’t know.”
Really I don’t.
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