The first thing I knew was an awful itch in my eyes and a deep ache in my neck. I licked my lips and the gross sounds of my saliva filled my ears. I reached up and pulled a curl out of my mouth.
I grimaced, wrapping my arms around my chest. It was dark and my stomach was twisting uncomfortably; I wanted to curl up under the blankets but I didn’t want to crawl out like a puppy with its tail between its legs. Instead. I laid there for what felt like hours, my head steadily throbbing as I sat there in a daze.
My whole body tensed in surprise, adrenaline flooding into my stomach as the door clicked open. I slid further under the bed and shoved the sheets out from under the bed, shielding me from view. I watched the bare feet of a man pad around the room, opening the closet doors and walking into the small bathroom.
“Luka?” I flinched at Max’s voice, pressing a hand tightly over my mouth to prevent any noises from escaping. I watched as he paused, his body turned towards the bed. I held my breath as he stepped closer, leaning down to grab a handful of the blankets. I broke into a cold sweat. I knew about fight-or-flight instinct, but at this point it was freeze or flight. So, I froze on the spot as Max straightened up, the bedsheets in hand.
There was a curse and Max turned away, running out of the room. I didn’t relax until the sound of his hurried steps faded, my hand coming away from my mouth as I blinked away a tear. I was vibrating with fear, my teeth chattering violently and my hands sliding along the sweat-slicked floor. I stood in the middle of Max’s room, shivering, air puffing out of my lungs rapidly. I hesitantly peered out the door, running down the hall when I saw no one was there. I had only been this way once, but I was sure I’d find my way, it couldn’t be much different from my old den.
I could smell the mass of warm bodies congregated in the main cave, my pulse spiking as the murmur of voices reached my ears. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to clear my panicking thoughts. I didn’t want to face Max, not after what’d happened. I didn’t want to sit in that room and wait for him to return, to pick me up by the scruff of my neck and throw me around. A chill went up my spine at the visual, my stomach dropping as I sat there in the dark and weighed my options. The sound of a door opening turned my blood to slush, a dark figure coming out from one of the side rooms and made their way towards me.
Thinking fast, I dove into the room right behind me. It was pitch black, but I didn’t dare move a muscle as I listened to the wolf slinking down the hall. My eyes widened when there was a fluttering sound and dark light spilled across the floor, illuminating the silhouette of a bed underneath an open window. Cold wind ran over my skin, sending goose bumps along my arms as I was struck with a sudden idea.
Feet dropping to the damp earth, I shuddered in the night air. I waited silently for any sign someone had seen me, an odd mix of excitement and dread pounded in my ears as I slid on the dewy grass. I glanced over my shoulder at the warm firelight glowing from the cave. I only hesitated for a second before I sprinted into the dark trees, not looking back again.
~
I wasn’t sure I was dreaming until the stars started to dance.
I’d stopped running as I grew tired, instead walking over fallen leaves with numb toes. I didn’t feel too worried when I realized I didn’t know where I was. I’d never strayed farther than the river, my knowledge of the land around my den just as limited. Amid shadowed trees and prickly grass, I took a deep breath and felt oddly relaxed.
Gentle humming drifted through the air, an unfamiliar tune tangling into my hair and filling my chest. Trees melted to the ground and stars swirled in the sky, a fire burning my eyes as I watched them twirl in rhythm.
My head felt heavy, my neck bowing with the weight as sleep clawed at my eyelids. I gasped in burning air, cold fingers petting my arms and slicing my palms open. Blood dripped into the grass, the dark liquid shining with the dancing flames above my head.
I could feel the world spinning under me and I wanted to lie down. I wanted to close my eyes and have them sewn shut so I could sleep forever. I longed to curl up in a tight ball and let myself sink into the ground; The earth swallowing me whole as the sky winked out.
So that’s what I did.
And the singing suddenly stopped, the chilled touch now blazing across my skin and boiling my blood. I couldn’t breathe or see my eyes flying open to see a million pairs of white eyes staring at me. I tried to scream, but my jaw was slack and unmoving. My entire body relaxed unnaturally, none of my limbs responding when I tried to move. The eyes disappeared, and I only saw black for so long; I feared I’d gone blind. Every second I was alone in this nothing brought on a wave of intense anxiety I’d never felt before.
I was dying.
I’m dying.
There was a huge weight on my chest, making my ribs crack and my heart race. Despite this, I was still breathing steadily. It almost felt forced, the calm inhale and exhale as it crushed me with ice and blood.
Music played in my ears, the soft chimes filling my ears as tears slid down my face. They left behind burning trails, laughter dancing over the plucked melody of a steel comb.
Faces drifted in and out of focus, paralyzing me as the moon sang and nails peeled away skin.
I rested there.
And rested.
And rested.
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