I quickly walked out of my shared room. The door behind me shuts loudly and, I cringe at the sound. Students are filling the halls as they head to class. I can feel the eyes on me. Their stares are piercing into my back and I don't like it so I turn around Looking at my schoolmates, I see surprise is not well hidden. They aren't surprised by the sound just, who caused it. Over the years I have taught myself to be graceful. Each step that I take is delicate yet, purposeful. The way I move my body is with a grace that I have always kind of had. I don't even bother with saying anything. All of their eyes drop to the floor when I look at them. Being the ice queen has its perks.
I get in the public washroom and take out my toothbrush as well as toothpaste. I kinda left in a rush and didn't use the washroom shared with Danielle and I. The water feels cool on my face as the water runs over. I hate the taste and smell of coffee so the cold water is a good wake up substitute.
As the water runs down my features I look at the face staring back at me in the mirror. I have small full lips that look awful in red lipstick, a small gap is visible between my front teeth (I have been told its cute), a small straight nose, big cheeks, smaller olive-shaped eyes and, high cheekbones, a spattering of freckles to finish it off. My favorite thing about myself has to be my iris's. They can go anywhere from a deep grey to the lightest blue but they are mostly a mix of both. I have some almost white spots in my eyes so people think they look like they sparkle.
It's funny to think that when I was a child every feature on my face was made fun of. The kids said, my eyes looked weird because of their shape, my nose was too small, the gap between my teeth was considered ugly, my mouth was too tiny, my freckles were hideous, my skin was too white. Those had been all things I heard constantly but they weren't the worst, the names they called me always hurt the most.
I was never stick thin and had been a bit chubby, or at least that's what I thought. To others, I know I look average but to myself, there is always some weight to lose. Every time I was called fat it wrecked my confidence. Every time I was called ugly, I had wished for a face that looked more like my mothers and not my fathers. I thought that I needed makeup when I was a young teenager but when I wore it the girls said I looked like a slut. I would avoid mirrors at all costs because I didn't want to look at myself. I was so disgusted with myself I would avoid every possible reflective surface. I would tell myself "don't worry, no one is ever going to use you for your looks because you don't have any". Kids are cruel and have no idea what they do to others. Those kids nearly destroyed me.
The first time I had ever felt beautiful was my grade 8 grad and it was the best feeling in the whole world. That night, nothing bothered me and I felt perfect. For the first time in my life, I had a feeling of confidence.
As I grew older I started to blossom into my looks. The thing was I don't look like a cookie cutter girl. I have a mix of Irish, Scottish, and native. It's a weird combination but, the thing that sucked about it was The Irish in me cant tan for shit so I am white as hell, with a few freckles.
My body is not the little potato sack it once was but turned into all curves and a small stomach all wrapped up into 5/6 and a half feet. Now, I am a completely different person but I still don't have that much confidence when it comes to people. Funny how even though I am considered gorgeous, I still sometimes feel like that scared little kid. I guess some things never change.
(Sorry for the short chapter, I just wanted to describe Annet)
Comments (0)
See all