Dear Diary,

It has been exactly a week to the minute that I was placed on forced leave for mental health reasons. The week has been in the grand scheme of my life frustrating and highly aggravating.

I have tried a few different activities this week to fill my time and generally met with disappointment or feelings of anxiety. The list of new activities attempted include; 1) Going jogging, 2) Joining a club, 3) Attempting three types of crafts, 4) Blind date, and 5) Spending time at the library.

Jogging started out fine. I did this for the first three days. It was tiring but I felt very satisfied with myself. That is until I realised that I was plotting out where the drug dealers were setting up in the park each night by tracing the rubbish they left behind. I anonymously reported this to work. My boss sent me a disapproving email to remind me I was taking time off not long after. I decided to avoid jogging so incidents like this would not reoccur after that.

I tried to join two different clubs this week. The first a baking club I got as far as the entrance of the building it is held in before I decided to head home instead. I could smell the creations inside and had a gut instinct that I would not be able to ever live up to the standard of that smell. The book club I did attend the first session of, but I am unsure whether to return. I raised my opinion on the book in question a few times and was met with many raised eyebrows. I am usually good with expressions but this time I was unsure if they were impressed or bothered with my precision of memory.

The craft activities were a mess. I am not good with glue, nor wool, nor glitter, wood, screws, feathers. I just cannot craft. The results now sit in the rubbish bin outside.

It was a kind of blind date organised by my friend from college. She has been aiming to have me meet her work colleague for a period of three months now. She has attempted to set me up in the past. There is something in her that needs to meddle. It is not a cruel streak just a bad behaviour born from what she sees as kindness. She wants me to be happy. Unfortunately for me she also has a very set view on how happiness works. You need a good career, a nice home and a partner. Preferably each of these fitting within preconceived categories you might find in some old fashioned school book where they all own black cats and say golly gosh more than any human being ever should.

It did not go well. He was alright as a person. We share a few hobbies and discussed these for a while. It was incredibly awkward though, mainly because my friend sat at the table next to us with her partner pretending not to listen in. At least I managed to encourage him to confess to the girl at work that he likes. I hope that goes well for him.

Even with all of that I have had some good times at the library. I have managed to catch up on a whole series of novels I have wanted to read for a long time. I also discovered this new blog post service they started running last summer. You can subscribe as a poster or a receiver. The posters provide content, it can be reviews of food, historical accounts or entries similar to this diary. I have found a few interesting posters including a high class pastry chef and this woman who talks about her strange friendship. I am not sure how much is fantasy or truth but whichever it is I am hooked.

I will write more about it all soon.

Yours Faithfully,

Rei Farrell