I returned to myself with nothing left, 
for you took my heart from within my chest, 
and I don’t know how to get it back, 
when you’re gone so far away. 

It was cold and clammy. But I was not wet. The air shimmered around us. I felt as though I was floating, suspended in this strange silver liquid. It must have taken maybe a second to get through it all, but it felt like a long time, as though time was stretching itself out.

We were out of it as suddenly as we were in it. I heard the horse’s hooves crash onto some sort of stone floor, but I could not see anything. It was so dark I could not even see my hands in front of me. I clutched on to the horse’s mane tightly, scared and confused.

I heard a rustling behind me and then a mumbling. Then a very faint buzzing noise. I turned behind, slightly scared wondering if it was still Astin that was behind me.

It had to be right?

“…Um… Astin?” I mumbled.

Suddenly there was a glowing before my eyes.

Something was glowing inside of Astin’s closed fist. He had his fist to his mouth and he was mumbling to it. Then he blew into one side, where his thumb and index finger made a gap, and on the other side, little flecks of light emerged.

Tiny little glowing insects whizzed past me. There were thousands of them, streaming out of his hands. They flew around me, they flew above me, they trailed past my sides, leaving a small trail of light in their wake. They lit up the room around us. They went to rest on little bowls that hung up in a row on the ceiling.

The walls were bare grey stone, as was the floor. The room was a very long, very narrow hallway. There wasn’t too much space to stand if we had gotten off the horse.

We rode down the hallway slowly. I listened to the buzz of the little insects and the loud echo of each horse hoof on the stone. The insects jumped from bowl to bowl as we rode past. It reminded me of a game I used to play with the other children, when I was still allowed to play with them, where we would jump over each other from a squatting position.

Soon we made it to the end of the hall. There was a silver door. It was not carved or decorated in any way, like the one in the entrance of the castle. It had a dull silver handle, polished only by years of use. Astin got off the horse and shuffled awkwardly in the narrow space until he managed to get to the door to open it. Then he led us out.

Wind blew the smell of fresh grass into my face as my eyes adjusted to the outside light. We were in a courtyard. It was bathed in moonlight. The moon looked impossibly large, looming over us. The large chip in the side of the moon looked so big. It was almost as if I could reach out and break more pieces of the moon for myself. A soft breeze blew gently on the grass and little flowers that carpeted the floor. The tiny flies darted out of the hallway and flew around Astin. He held up his hand and they all dove back in. He closed it, and then they were gone.

Astin motioned for me to remove myself from the horse. I obeyed, winching in pain as I did. My legs were aching, and my body was stiff. I had never ridden a horse before. I did not realise how much it hurt to ride one. I remember seeing horses in picture books in Eventide’s tiny library, and wanting to ride one. Now that I had the experience, I never wanted to be on one again.

Mother used to bring me books after she forbade me from leaving the house as well. She would tell me stories about animals and made strange ones out of clay to show me what they looked like.

I touched my little clay figure in my pocket and gave it a squeeze.

Mother…

Astin talked to the horse and it trotted away to the stables by itself. Then he motioned for me to follow him, and we carried on through the courtyard. My heart began to beat faster.

Where is he taking me?

We walked until we reached a small wooden door that led back into the castle. Astin knocked gently and when no one answered he opened it. We entered a warm room, with grey stone walls. Like the hallway it had no decorations, save for a single worn out red carpet that was in the middle of the room. On top the carpet a table and four chairs. The furniture looked as worn and old as the carpet did. The table was in front of a little hearth, and within it burnt a soft orange fire. A little pot was dangling over it, cooking some sort of stew. There were cards on the table, as though someone was interrupted in the middle of a game.

I followed Astin as he climbed up stairs that were in the corner of the room. Each step creaked as we ascended into the hallway upstairs. There was a large arched stained glass window at the end of the hall. It had some sort of picture, but it was hard to make out. There was too much dust on it. We walked to the end of the corridor, close to the window and then stopped. Astin stood in the middle of two doors, and looked to each. Left, right. Right, left. Then he shrugged and picked the door on the right.

The door creaked louder than the stairs did. It rumbled with the sound of years of un-use. Tiny flakes of dust lifted all around the room, and then settled immediately.

Astin shifted his gaze towards me and made some sort of an expression, akin to a smile. I looked back at him, afraid and tried to sort of smile back. He walked into the room and I followed.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “The other rooms are… not better…” he trailed off. “Take these,” he said. He held out his hand. I opened my hand, wondering if he would drop a key, but instead he pressed my hand with his, and when he took it off, tiny little flies were all over my hand. Then he left the room shutting the door behind him.

I glanced back down at my hand and the little flies were gone.

Where did they go? Why did they… what?

I scanned the room. There was dim light that shined from the moon outside, streaming through the little window. It would probably be less dim, if it wasn’t for the layer of grime that coated it. There was a bed with a small beside table beside it. In front of the bed were a little carpet and a little fireplace. There was no wood within it, just ashes, remnants of a fire, now long gone.

Decorating the rest of the room was a desk and a little chair tucked underneath it and a cupboard and a little bookshelf. I walked to the bookshelf brushed away a thick layer of dust from underneath. Then I placed my little clay bear on it.

After that, I went to the bed. I sat on it, and sprang off, coughing as I did from the large cloud of dust that enveloped me. Tears stung my eyes and I jumped on the bed, attacking it, beating all of the dust from it as I could. I hit it again, and again, screaming as I did, watching as dust rose higher and higher.

Before I knew it, more tears streamed down my face. I felt so angry. So confused. So trapped and alone.

What am I doing here? How should I leave? How can I leave? How should I escape? How would I do that? What’s happening to mother? Is she alright? I need to get back to mother. But at least I saved her… I saved her didn’t I? What awaited me here? Years of servitude to a king that was not mine? Imprisonment? Banishment? Worse?

There were tears still wet on my face when I flopped onto the bed and fell into a deep exhausted dreamless sleep.