Dear Rosey,
I should have listened to you and left while the leaving was good. Now we were stuck in that hell hole. It was like the universe had ordained that we could not leave, not until whatever part of your past you thought you left behind was dealt with.
Honestly, destiny is a bitch sometimes. I mean how else can you explain your mom calling at that exact moment, Beck taking your phone out of your hands and explaining everything and how we wanted to stay and catch up. Then she agreed that is just completely out of our hands, destiny.
“So have you had a girlfriend before?” Clara asked she was on her second beer already.
“One, but it didn’t work out,” I admitted.
“Why not?” she scooted closer to me.
“Well she, like you, is a jerk and likes to put people down. We have decided to be just friends.”
“I’m sorry I was so mean to you, I think you're cute.” She smiled.
I felt my cheeks flush.
“Okay, let’s just establish Zara is off limits.” You pulled me away from her.
“That’s no fun.” Quint plopped on the couch.
“Yeah, she’s a total babe, in a cute nerdy looking way,” Beck added.
“Just because I wear glasses doesn’t mean I’m nerdy.” I shot back.
“Take your glasses off.” Lonny sat next to Quint.
“Why?”
“Just do it.” She said.
So I did. everyone looked at me.
“Yeah no way Rosey sorry, she’s a 10 out of 10. Glasses or no glasses.” Darius sat next to Clara.
“Hey I’m right here, and whatever it is you guys are thinking of subjecting me too I’m not doing it,” I said.
“Sorry chicka it’s tradition,” Clara said.
“Tradition?”
“Guys seriously, leave her alone.” You pulled me even closer to you.
“It’s the tradition that every time we bring someone new here we have to get them drunk so they can do something really embarrassing or tell us something really embarrassing. Tradition.” Beck explained.
“When we don’t have anyone new to bring we just get drunk.” Quint shrugged.
“It’s not tradition if we have only done it two times.” You rolled your eyes.
“I think it is, so Zara now what do you say?” Darius asked.
Clara handed me her half-empty beer. Let me just say I have never drunk any form of alcohol in my entire life, police officer dad remember.
“Her dad is going to kill her, he’s a cop.” You interjected.
“Relax your mom said you two could stay the night. I think she wants alone time with her new fiancé.” Beck wiggled his eyebrows at the last word.
“Ew.” You and I said in unison.
“Chug, Chug, chug.” Quint started to chant.
Then Lonny, Darius, and Beck all joined in.
“You guys come on.” You tried.
“Chug, chug, chug,” Clara joined in.
“You don’t have to do it.” You reassured me.
Even though you said that the peer pressure was strong. I knew if I didn’t do it I would be labeled a party pooper. I don’t have any friends, this was my first time experiencing something like that. No way was I going to be labeled lame or a loser. They thought I was hot, no one at my school thinks I’m hot. Okay so maybe it did go to my head, which is why we should have left, but it was too late to go back now.
So I downed the rest of her can.
God that taste was, I can’t even describe it. It was just spine chilling. I coughed like a baby and then burped. They laughed, but it was a good laugh, not the horrible kind of laugh that Blythe used to give me.
“I knew it. I knew you were badass,” Beck said.
“I can’t believe you just did that.” You shook your head.
“Me either.” I agreed, putting my glasses back on.
“Here, drink up.” Clara handed me an unopened can.
Vaguely I know I shouldn’t be drinking alcohol with my medication. Vaguely I was aware of the consequences that might occur if I did continue down that path, but I never expected it to get that bad. Honest. I had no idea what it was going to do to me.
So I opened the second can and started drinking it.
“So Rosey, tell us all about your new life,” Lonny said.
“Nothing much to tell, I like my new house it’s so much bigger. School sucks, but it’s not too bad. I got a cool new stepsister, and I got into a fight and have been grounded.”
“Wait, wait, wait, go back you got into a fight?” Clara said.
“No not really more like I started a fight that Zara here finished, she gets into a lot of fights apparently.”
“Guilty as charged.”
“Well did you beat her ass?” Darius asked.
“Sort of, well not that time, but I have beaten her ass before. That time it was split up before it could get too ugly.” I took another drink.
“Wait you’ve beaten her ass before, you fight this girl a lot?” Beck asked.
“Used too, ironically we are friends now. But our last fight was pretty ugly. I knocked a tooth out, she fractured my nose. It got bad. The police had to break us up.” I admitted.
“Damn girl, remind me never to get on your bad side,” Darius said.
“So are you like a rebel or something?” Clara asked.
“Or something, I get in trouble a lot. Mostly because of the same girl, but we have made peace. There was this prank I pulled on her, to get back at her for having someone pity date me. I tricked her and her boyfriend into trying to have a quicky under the bleachers at a football game, then I filmed it and played it on the big screen right before the game started. It was hilarious.” I said.
“You have the video?” Quint asked.
“No the cops made me get rid of it. And I got suspended for 60 days.” I sighed.
“Damn you really are hardcore,” Lonny said.
I finished off the rest of my second can. Then Clara handed me another.
Everything was fine for a little while. I thought your friends were okay. They definitely had their faults, but they were okay. It wasn’t till after my third can that things started to get…bad. You and Beck were talking, sitting at the bar. Darius and Quint were wrestling around on the floor, Lonny was recording them laughing. I was laying on the couch with my head pounding, Clara was running her fingers through my hair.
“What’s wrong, drunk yet?” she asked.
“I don’t know.” Then for no reason at all, I just started crying.
It was like this overwhelming sadness had sat on my chest and refused to get up. It always hurt more when I looked over at you and Beck flirting.
“Don’t cry.” She whispered wiping my tears.
“It’s not fair,” I said.
“What’s not fair?” she asked.
“Why does she have to be my stepsister. The worlds not fair.” I cried.
“Who Rose?”
I nodded into her lap.
It was like all my self-control was out the window, I was drunk alright, but not drunk enough to forget everything that came next. I couldn’t stop myself, I couldn’t hold the pain and anger in anymore.
“You like her?” she asked.
“I love her.”
I knew I had said the wrong thing by her silence. I felt her tense up.
“Okay, I think you are officially drunk.” She forced a laugh.
“No, you are!” I sat up a sudden burst of anger giving me energy.
“Zara, what’s wrong?” You asked walking over to me.
I had drawn the attention back to me.
“What isn’t wrong! My life is a disaster!” I slurred.
“I think she’s drunk now.” Clara laughed.
“What number is that?” Quint asked as Clara took away my drink.
“Four and it’s almost empty.” She said.
“Like me, I am almost empty. I am empty, nothing inside of me.” I said.
Beck started laughing. You hit him in the stomach.
“Why don’t you come lay down? Come on.” You helped me up.
“No! You aren’t in control of me!” I shouted, then I pushed you.
“Okay, angry drunk we have an angry drunk,” Lonny said catching you before you fell.
“I’m not angry!” I kicked over the coffee table.
“What do we do?” Beck asked.
“Just stay back, this is going to get ugly,” you said.
Then I couldn’t control myself I just let loose. I was so angry for no apparent reason. I knocked the couch over, I smashed the vase on the ground. I threw a chair at the wall. Then I punched a hole in the wall, repeatedly punching the wall after that.
“Zara! Zara, look at me, you need to calm down.” You tried to tame me.
But at that moment I didn’t want to be tamed. I was an animal. The monster I always knew I was inside.
“Why? Are you afraid I’m going to tell your secret, afraid that I’ll tell them all about you Rosey and who you really are.” I got in your face.
“What’s she talking about?” Clara asked.
“Zara, look at me, look at my eyes, take a deep breath. With me come on.”
“No! no more breathing exercises. I don’t want to suppress it anymore, I’m tired of suppressing it. I just want to be free of this curse, I want it out of me. I want it out.” I cried.
“Okay, okay. Shh, it’s okay. Come on, come sit down.”
I shook my head no.
“I’ll sit too, come on we can do it together, remember you said that. That we are in this together, come on.” You slowly moved me to the couch that wasn’t flipped over.
I was dizzy, really dizzy. I held onto you for support.
“What’s wrong with her?” Darius asked.
You slowly sat me on the couch.
“Shit, I totally forgot she is on some type of medication or something. It’s probably affecting her because of the alcohol.” You cursed.
“Fuck what do we do?” Beck said.
“Is she going to die?” Lonny said.
“I don’t know!” you said.
“What the hell Rose, you should have told us.” Clara cursed.
“I forgot!”
“Look it should be fine, my cousins on some stuff too and he got drunk one time. Just no more drinks, and we need to watch her just in case.” Quint said.
“Zara, are you okay?” you asked when I curled in on myself.
Then I just started crying.
“Great she’s an angry and a sad drunk.” Clara sighed.
“Shut up, this was you guys idea.” You spat.
“We need someone sober to watch her, who isn’t buzzed already?” Quint asked.
Only Clara raised her hand.
“Fuck.” She said.
“I’ll help you.” You said.
“Let’s just take her to the room,” Clara said.
Then you all helped me to a bedroom.
“If her dad finds out I’m so dead.” You said.
“I’ll watch her, just go get her some water, we need to sober her up as soon as possible,” Clara said.
Then you left me with her.
“I hate him, he always ruins everything,” I said.
“Who?” Clara said.
“My dad. I hate him. I wish it was my mom who got me. He took her away from me, he takes everything from me. I hate him.” I spat.
“You don’t mean that you’re just drunk.” She calmed me down.
“Here.” You came back in with a water bottle.
“Here drink this.” She handed it to me.
I started sipping it. I saw you panicking, tears in your eyes. You started pacing back and forth.
“Just go, I got this. Trust me I’ve had to babysit three toddlers at the same time. This is a piece of cake. Just relax, she’ll be fine.” Clara said.
“Fuck this is all my fault.” You sat on the bed.
“No. I’m sorry, don’t cry.” I crawled over to you.
“Just drink your water.” You said.
“I never want to hurt you, I’m just a bad person. You need to stay away from me, I’m bad. I’ll hurt you.” I whimpered.
“Shh, Zara just drink your water.” You handed me the bottle again.
“I’m sorry.” I cried.
“Go, I got this. You are only making it worse.” Clara urged.
You nodded. Then with a kiss on the forehead you left, again. I felt even sadder.
“Come here.” Clara patted her lap.
So I crawled over to her and laid down.
“What else do you want to talk about?” she asked running her fingers through my hair.
“I like that, I like when Rosey does it.” I sighed.
“Rosey does this to you?” she ruffled my hair to make a point.
“Yeah, I like when she touches me.” I nodded.
“What else do you like.” To be honest, I think she was just trying to keep me from angry sad thoughts, I don’t think she expected me to say,
“I like making love to her. I like kissing her. I like her voice, especially when she says my name. I like it when she breathes on my neck.”
“When does she do that?”
“All the time, earlier she did. I made love to her and she liked it. We almost got caught it was funny because she had jelly legs. I gave her jelly legs.” I laughed.
“You did?” she said it like when a kid brags about how they got picked during kickball and the teacher is all like “you did”, with fake enthusiasm. That is what she sounded like.
“Yeah, she made me wear a strap-on, that was my first time doing that. Yesterday we did it, but I didn’t do it with a strap-on, we just rubbed our bodies against each other. The day before I went down on her, she said it was her deepest darkest desire.” I smiled.
“Really? And what’s your deepest darkest desire?” she asked, I think she was trying to steer me away from talking about you, I was making her uncomfortable.
“I don’t know,” I said honestly.
“Sure you do, think, what do you want but you know you can’t have. Besides Rosey.”
“But I can have Rosey, I’ve had Rosey. I love Rosey.”
“Besides that come on think if you could do anything without Rosey knowing what would it be?”
“I don’t know.”
“Just think about it, here drink some water.” She had found a way to make me silent.
She turned the Tv on and just ran her fingers through my hair absently. On the tv was a documentary about lions.
“I want someone to go down on me for once,” I said out of nowhere. She jumped at my voice.
“What?”
“My dark desire, I want someone to be my bitch. Like Blythe said.” I slurred.
“Who’s Blythe?”
“The girl whose ass I beat.” I laughed.
“Oh.”
“She tried to make me her bitch but I said no. I don’t want to be her bitch, I want her to be my bitch. Will you be my bitch?” I looked up at her.
“No.” she laughed.
“Why not?” I pouted.
“Because you are drunk, come on drink.” She put the water bottle to my mouth.
“If I drink will you be my bitch?”
“No.” she smirked.
“Then I’m not doing it.” I crossed my arms.
“Fine, I’ll be your bitch just drink the water.”
So I downed the rest of the water bottle.
“I did it.”
“good, now come here.” She patted her lap.
I nodded. I took my glasses off and set them to the side then I laid on her lap again. She tried to relax again, but then I rolled over on her.
“What are you---” she stopped mid-sentence when I pulled her swimsuit bottoms down.
“I want you,” I said.
“Zara s-stop.” She gently pushed me.
“Don’t you want me?” I asked.
“You’re drunk.”
“I’m horny, like the lion on tv.”
Then I started to eat her out, she gasped loudly and moaned. She pushed me away, I pouted but then she held up her finger to her lips. She quickly got up and locked the door before moving back to the bed and spreading her legs again.
“What’s the magic word?” I teased.
“Just hurry up before Rosey comes back.”
“That’s not right.” I shook my head.
“Please.” She hissed.
So I did. I’m not proud of this Rosey, really I’m not. I wish I had more self-control and that I wasn’t such a horrible person. I wish I never drank those stupid beers, but I did, and this is what happened.
I ate her out until she climaxed then she looked at me and next thing I know my clothes are off and she is going down on me. after several orgasms, I passed out on the bed. Lessons that I have learned,
Don’t drink while on medication
Don’t give into peer pressure
And most importantly don’t sleep with other girls, especially girls who might possibly be your girlfriends arch rival.
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