I left early for the library
I love the smell of books
The peace.
No harsh looks
Sometimes I feel that if I read
I can find a new me
A place where my name
Isn’t synonymous with shame
Today I’m reading Ella Enchanted
I needed a change after Ugly
Because that was too close to me.
So deep into the words of Ella
I hardly hear the words of a young fella
I look up and admit my confusion
I wondered what delusion
Could a person be in to choose to sit next to me
I know I don’t really look like an ape,
That’s just what Delores says
But still my reputation is too wide spread
For one to get it in their heads
To be too close to mine,
What trick is it this time?
“Really, there’s no need
To sit next to me.
I’ll move if you’d like me to.”
Now it’s he that looks confused
And his eyes look as though they could be used
To see right through me.
And a brick from the wall
That separated me from the world
Fell and shattered
And though I knew what would come after
I chose not to question it,
Just to open it;
My door to this boy
That I knew not.
He broke the spell
When words fell
From his lips.
“Hello, my name is Chris.”
“I’m Crimson.”
And though I thought
I’d stay and get caught
In the flow
Of getting to know
Someone new
All I knew
Was that I was afraid
So I got up
“I’m new here.”
I looked into his eyes
To realize
That he was trying to talk
But I continued to walk
“Wait. Wow you’re fast.”
How long can he last, I mused.
“I’m sorry, but are you mute?”
Hmm, did I never utter the words
That I thought I’d said
Am I so used to talking in my head
That I forgot my mouth had to be moved?
Eh, either way, it’s a good excuse.
So I turned and nodded
“Cool, I got it.
But how do you communicate?”
I don’t, I thought.
I shrugged.
“Do you have a phone?”
Would he leave me alone?
I convey this through my look
Which of course he mistook.
“Ohh, no, not to call
But maybe to text.”
Ugh, what next?
I shake my head.
He sighs
Then eyes me
And he notices my journal
“You write?”
I raise my brow
“We can sit and write to each other.”
I had to give it to him,
He was a consistent little bugger
“Do you want to to play 21 Questions?”
Would he take my one answer?
Shrug.
“Okay, you first.”
We sit and I eye the water fountain
Because man this boy has the thirst.
Shrug.
I pull out paper
Maybe I’ll regret this later
But for now,
Let’s see how this plays out.
-What’s your full name?
“Christopher Beckert.”
Hm, same initials, same letters
“Okay, my turn. But since I seem to make you uncomfortable
I’ll just repeat your questions.
Interesting
-Crimson Blud
“That can’t be your real name.”
How often I hear that same thing
-You can’t lie in this game
“But how would I know if you were lying?”
-Good point. See the people staring at you,
-It’s because you’re with me. Ask anyone.
He left
And I felt bereft
He didn’t believe me.
But when he came back
He looked mad.
But he left it at that.
-How old are you?
“17”
-Same.
“Copycat.” In will be
He laughed and I smiled at that
He was teasing me
Playfully
This was new to me.
-Birthday?
“July 15th, 1990”
-December 25th, 1990
“Happy belated birthday.”
-Thank you, same to you.
It’s all I can say.
I can’t ever recall
A HAPPY birthday
Never a celebration
Never a cause for happiness
But I digress.
-Where are you from?
“Cincinnati.”
-Here
Again his face contorted
What had been reported
When he asked about my name
Maybe I could ask in the game
-What’s on your mind?
He paused as he tried to find
The right words
Or maybe just words that wouldn’t hurt
“I didn’t like what I heard.”
Pause
“The girl I talked to
Looked through me like glass
Said if I didn’t move fast
My reputation would be ruined.”
Sigh
I knew it
She blew it for me
I wanted this friend
“I’m not leaving.”
-I didn’t say anything.
I puff my chest with false bravado
“You didn’t have to
It shows on your face,
And I care more about a friend
Than the reputation I make.”
Ring, ring, ring
Silence
He glances at his phone
And his face gets paler
“I have to take this.”
It seemed like something
He was remiss
To admit.
I waited and tried
To make pieces of him
But I was having trouble.
A boy who had yet to grow stubble
Had grown the balls
To ignore them all
But seemed phased by a phone call.
When he returned
Nothing new was learned
He had to go, he told me.
But I wasn’t buying
What he sold me
I guess I’m not the only one
Who hides the truth.
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