“Max,” I whispered. “Hey, Max.” He snorted, rolling over to look down at me.
“Shouldn’t you be asleep?” He asked, voice soft in the dark.
“I wanted to ask you something.” I replied, curling closer. “If we’re supposed to be mate like Alpha and Luna and Lola and Zack, does that mean we’ll be just like them?” Max was quiet.
“What do you mean?: I shrugged, feeling suddenly awkward.
“I dunno,” I mumbled. “Like kiss and have pups.”
“Do you want pups?’ Max raised an eyebrow and I quickly shoot my head.
“No!” I blurted, before backpedaling. “I-I mean of course I want pups, e-everyone does. I just meant-” Max cut me off with a chuckle.
“I know what you meant.” He whispered, petting through my hair. “What makes us different is that we’re both men. You can’t have pups and that’s okay, I’ve never been much of a family man. I like having one puppy to take care of.” He said, pinching my cheeks. I whined and wiggled away, he laughed and pull me by the waist so my back was against his chest. “Marc and Star are both adults, they have whatever relationship they want. So can Lola and Zack. You, Luka-”
“I’m different.” I mumbled, feeling sick.
“No,” He murmured, lips brushing the nape of my neck. “You’re younger than me, barely a gamma. You don’t feel the mate pull like I do. I’ve been as cautious as I could with my advances, I never want to make you uncomfortable. You could reject my affection, find someone else or live alone. I’m letting you decide.”
You decide.
My breath hitched, and I twisted around to look at Max’s dark face. “I... decide…?” I asked weakly. Max froze, shock clear even with his face shadowed.
“Luka,” He sounded pained. “Has no one ever…?” I shook my head, reaching up to hold his hand tightly.
“I choose…” I mumbled, testing the words on my tongue. “I want to stay with you.”
Max shushed me gently. “It’s alright you can think about it. Don’t decide now, take your time.” I shook my head hard.
“No.” I said forcefully. “L-listen. I-I-” I cut myself off, taking a deep breath in. My words coated inside my throat and clogged my tongue. I touched my trembling lips with my fingers, trying to stem the sudden flow of emotions. “No one, not even my family, ever gave me a choice. I was nothing to them, nothing I said or did mattered to anyone. Even I didn’t get to leave that pack by my violation, they got rid of me. Ch-Chelsea got rid of me.” I closed my eyes and curled closer to Max. “I want to stay with you because you’re the first person that let me think and choose.”
“Oh Luka,” He murmured, leaning down and pressed his mouth against my own.
It was feather-light pressure, only a gentle brushing of our lips together before pulling away. I stared, face flushed and eyes wide, in awe at the buzz in my chest and the warmth in my head.
It stunned me, laying there like an idiot. Max seemed to know this because he rubbed his nose softly against my cheek with a chuckle.
It was quiet; I felt my mind settle into a soft slumber and I had the sudden urge to speak. The words were so strong they pooled on my tongue and threatened to flood from my lips. “Max?” He hummed, letting me know he was listening as he played with my hair. “My other pack… they weren’t very nice to me.” Max paused the soothing motion before quickly continuing, tell me to continue. “Alpha… he didn’t like me. I was small and weak and I was stuck in my wolf form most of the time. He liked Chelsea though even though she was just a gamma. He never punished her like he punished me. She ate and slept just fine while I…” My throat closed and Max rubbed his warm hands down from the top of my spine and down to my hips before moving smoothly back up. “Everyone was above me, everyone hated me. I had...episodes and moments of complete fear and they mocked me as I hid away to calm myself. I mostly hid away in Chelsea’s arm, I didn’t realize until now she never really was kind either. My first memory of her was when she saw me for the first time after I was born. She didn’t smile at me, she just held me as someone explained our mother had died. She had seemed happy the first time I shifted though. She smiled at least, everyone thought I was a normal wolf since I was so far behind everyone else.
“But I was a runt, I was weird and different. So they treated me however they wanted. I’ve gone weeks with little food and littler sleep. If I inconvenienced anyone, then they could teach me a lesson. And my very existence was an inconvenience.”
“You don’t have to tell me more,” Max murmured, his lips fluttering over my forehead. “If you want to stop.”
“I don’t know how I feel about it anymore,” I admitted. “I’m scared all the time, I’m nervous. It’s been that way that for so long that being afraid was my only emotion. And I thought I deserved it, I understood nothing when I showed up here. I couldn’t figure out why Lola smiled at me the way she did or why you held me so tightly. I…”
My voice died for a moment. “I can never repay either of you enough.”
“You don’t have to,” Max said, voice tight. “You never have to. You don’t have to do anything ever again if you don’t want to.” I blinked up at him, surprised. I sucked in a sharp breath when I saw that tears were shining in his eyes and on his face. I scrambled up to lie on top of his broad chest, whining in distress when I realized I’d made him cry. “I’m sorry.” He whispered, a wet sensation creeping over my scalp as he held me close. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”
“It’s over, isn’t it?” I mumbled. “You’re all nice, that’s all that matters.” Max sighed and cradled me closer.
“Yeah, you’re right.” he whispered.
~
Simon chewed a bite of banana thoughtfully. “The eyes are too close together.” I made a frustrated sound in the back of my throat and dragged an eraser roughly at the middle of the face. Simon had been flipping through a sketchbook and when I showed interest he offered to show me some tricks. I’d never drawn before and he looked highly offended. He then plopped the sketchbook in my lap and motioned for me to open it.
I traced a finger over the lovely figure of a woman flexing, her body fluidly transforming from clothes and skin to fur and claws.
“No, the lips need to be thinner.” Simon garbled behind his food, pointing to my mistake. I nodded and hurried to comply.
I tilted my head to the side and squinted at the finished product.
“It looks like a swarm of bees attacked Lola.” I said glumly. Simon snorted. I huffed and handed him back his stuff. “You’re so good at it.” He shrugged.
“I’ve just been doing it longer,” Eyes sweeping over the page, a piece of banana smeared across his cheek, and a clean finger tracing Lola’s features. “For a first attempt, this is pretty good. I mean there're loads of room for improvement but you’re not hopeless.” I smiled.
“I’m glad I have a professional’s approval.” Simon rolled his eyes and flicked a pebble at me. I squeaked when it struck my exposed collar bone. I huffed but settled back against the rock he was sitting on and stared at the water flowing lazily through the creek. The only sounds being the wind, the water and the soft skritch of Simon’s pencil on the page.
It was warm, winter was just fading. The rain had stopped two days ago, instead bright and chilly days seemed to be the constant. I liked it; the wind rolling past to cool the warm touch of the sun.
Simon had his pants rolled up to just below his knees, his shirt ruffled and covered in colorful stains from both paints and charcoal.
“Thanks for throwing me out of a tree.” I said after a while. He groaned.
“You’re not still upset about that-?”
“No,” I laughed. “No, I was being sincere. If you hadn’t I wouldn’t have had any other friends besides Max and Lola.” Simon sniffed, looking back down at his paper. I saw the soft blush spread from his ears to the back of his neck.
“Well,” he mumbled. “Thanks for sticking around.” I smiled and reached out to take his hand. He glanced down in surprise.
“You’re nice.” I grinned, feeling oddly relaxed. Simon’s lips twitched to the side in a lopsided smile.
“Alright, alright, I get it. Give me my hand back.”
“But Simon.” I whined playfully, squeezing it.
“That’s my drawing hand.”
“Oops.” I said, face hot. He snorted and reached for his pencil before diving towards me and locking an arm around my neck, his knuckles digging in for a merciless noogie.
“You big sap!” Simon accused, laughed as I shrieked. We rolled over each other for a while, his fingers digging into my sides to force out giggles and me trying to fight him off. Collapsing into a heap on the ground, we both panted and stared up at the sky as our hearts thudded.
I couldn’t believe I actually could do that comfortably, having someone so close. To not flinch away, confusing the playful fighting for anger. It made a stupid grin spread across my face and a few happy tears slip out before I could stop myself.
“You two having fun?” I blinked as something blotted the sunlight out, Max’s smirking face looking down at our disheveled appearances. I hopped up eagerly, nodding despite his teasing. Simon jumped to his feet, scooping up his things before pinching one of my cheeks.
“Loads of fun, isn’t that right, darling?” I swatted his hand away. He winked and Max snorted.
“Well, it’s time for lunch.”
“Sweet, race you!” Simon shouted, taking off in a sprint. I shouted in surprise, jumping on Max and scrambling onto his back.
“Whoa! What-?”
“Quick!” I said, pointing after Simon and bouncing excitedly. “After him!” Max laughed before he too was running, his hands locked around my wrists to keep me in place. I hollered gleefully, the wind whipping my cheeks.
Max quickly outran the young gamma, touching the side of the cave and cheering for himself. He then swept me off his back and tossed me into the air. I yelped, landing safely against him.
“Max!” I almost screamed, breathless from giggling.
“No fair.” Simon wheezed as he caught up.
I smiled, feeling bright and sunny as Simon and Max bickered over what was fair in a wolf race.
And I was okay.
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