I spent a solid hour trying to explain to nurse Wahise what I had seen. That I haven’t had a hallucination this bad before... I might have actually been somewhere different. The more I talked however, the softer her voice got and the more I realized how insane I sounded...fitting. The entire time she just held my hand and tucked my hair behind my ear, trying her best to be a source of comfort. Which honestly annoyed me, I could never tell if that comfort was genuine or if it came with years of practice. It annoyed me even more that I was a soft ass baby and I fell for it every time. She wasn't like my therapist or doctor. Those weirdos always demanded clear answers to problems I didn’t even know the question too. Nurse Wahise never demanded anything of me, just listened, which believe it or not is a rare occurrence in a mental institution.

Obviously she didn’t believe a single word I was saying. I didn’t blame her. I knew what I saw couldn’t be true, had to be a hallucination. The only thing that bothered me is that I had no idea why it happened. I haven’t missed my medication, I wasn’t particularly traumatized by what Ivy did. I ate all my meals. Had taken a walk around the courtyard, I read a little. It should have been a perfectly normal day, I was supposed to be fine. So why did I feel so fucking awful? Just genuinely filled with hatred for myself, and hatred for my mind because as soon as I think I am getting better, my brain decides it doesn’t want me to be in control anymore.

“When can I see Ivy again ?” 

Nurse Wahise patted my head and sighed.“You’ll be the first to know when I find out honey. Try to relax the rest of the day, and you can talk to your therapist about all of this tomorrow. If it really helps clear your conscious I can ask your mother if she would be willing to visit you early this year. Just to see she’s all right and all.”

I hadn’t thought of that, she was absolutely right, I could just see my mother. It would help set the boundaries between my realities again. I probably won't have to spend the next week having nightmares about this shit.

“That would be awesome, can she come tomorrow?”

“You will most likely have to wait till the weekend dear, you know how she is with her work.”

“I would assume her only son having a metal breakdown after being viciously attacked by his sister would be more then enough reason to get a day off work. Hell, lets make it a paid days off. In fact if you call her I want you to say those exact words.” I sounded angrier then I was. I wanted to see her more so I could comfort myself but also because Ivy adored my mom. She has not once bitten her, chewed everything around her yes, but never her. Every time my mom is here Ivy is calm, almost like a regular child. If Ivy is calm they will let me see her again, and she won't be calm for a while if they are restraining her.

“You ain’t wrong child.” Nurse Wahise got up finally and headed for the door. “I have to go help Margie with her sponge bath, I've delayed it long enough. But I’m officially excusing you from this afternoons tutoring lessons, and if you need anything else you know where to find me.”

“Get out of my room already you old hag, I’m late for my daily jerk session.” She gave me a look between disappointment and “your lucky I’m not aloud to whoop your ass” before she walked away mumbling something that sounded like “get a nursing degree they said….it will be fun they said.”

I actually wasn't in the mood to jerk it right now, just felt like being a cliche teenage boy would a good sign to her that I wasn't going to jump out a window. Having the rest of the day off was sort of bothersome though. More then anything I wanted the routine again, to cry over calculus and not my dead (until proven living) mother. I needed to be busy, needed to stop thinking for at least a solid week before I could trust myself not to see...it…. every time I blinked.