I stared at my ceiling praying I could be someone else. Unfortunately, I was stuck being me. Why is life so cruel?

Suddenly, I heard a knock at my door. But I didn’t open it. I didn’t want to leave my bed. Why would I? Why should I?

After a couple of minutes my door opened, it was my dad. I glanced at him and noticed he was holding a plate of food. I must’ve forgotten to come to the kitchen and eat dinner...

I didn’t want to speak but the smell of the food made me sick... I hadn’t eaten that day, and the smell of the food reminded me of that.

My dad noticed I wasn’t speaking and so he sat on the edge of my bed with the plate still in his hand. I couldn’t help but peak at the food and it was my favorite... macaroni and cheese with bacon bits.

He cleared his throat, “Fletcher, what’s been going on with you lately? The school keeps calling and asking when you’re coming back. You don’t wanna fall behind in class, do you?”

I flipped over, “I don’t care.”

“You gotta care. Look, I know you’re mad at me for how I’ve treated you growing up. But I do love you. I always loved you and Rowan. I just didn’t show it as I should have. I'm sorry about that, but, I promise you I’ll try harder to be a good dad. In exchange, you have to go back to school and be a good student. Is that a deal?”

I slowly nodded my head.

My dad ruffled my hair and said, “Fletcher, when your grades get better how about we celebrate with some pizza and ice cream?”

I knew he was trying to do good but I couldn’t speak. I was scared if I opened my mouth, my voice would crack and he would see that I was crying.

I didn’t want to keep what happened to me a secret. I also didn’t want to upset my mother either. Despite what she allowed to happen.

I felt my dad get off the bed and he said, “Fletcher, I’m going to leave your food on your dresser over here. Please eat, even if it's just a little bit. I know you haven’t been eating much these past few days. You can’t go to school tomorrow on an empty stomach. I hope you cheer up soon. I love you.”

I heard him place the food down and a couple of minutes later he had left my room.

Once, he was gone, I rushed toward the food and devoured it within minutes. I was starving. However, I continued to feel guilty after eating dinner. It wasn’t my fault... why did I feel so guilty and disgusting?

The stress I put on myself caused me to start coughing. Coughing led to feeling nauseous. Nausea led to gagging. And gagging led to me puking all over my bedroom floor.

It didn’t matter much to me though. I crawled back into bed afterward. I closed my eyes and prepared to drift off to sleep. I put my thumb in my mouth and started to suck on it.

I hadn’t sucked on my thumb in years but it felt right. It was the first time in a couple days I felt I had control over something.

Unfortunately, the downside to sleeping was I couldn’t escape my nightmares. The memories were burned into my mind. I was simply forced to relive it every night.

I was so scared. I had no control. I could still feel the way he touched me... I could still see the way he looked at me... The mere thought of what happened was enough to send shivers down my spine.

Something warm woke me from my slumber. Something warm yet wet.

I slowly opened my eyes and I noticed I had wet the bed. I hadn’t done that in years.

Eventually, I crawled out of bed and left my room. I heard a familiar voice and I followed it.

It led me to my kitchen where I saw my mother on her cellphone.

“I miss you, Baby. When are you going to come see me again?”

I froze as soon as I heard her say that. I knew she was talking to that man.

She saw me and hung up the phone.

“Fletcher... how long have you been standing there?” She took one step and I sprinted back to my bedroom. I slammed the door behind me and I hid inside my closet. I was scared the man would come back. I started breathing heavily and I couldn’t control myself from crying. I wanted to scream and yell. I couldn’t believe what I heard.

A couple of minutes passed and I heard my mother knock on my door.

“Fletcher, can I please come in?”

My heart felt like it would burst from chest any second.

She opened my door and saw my vomit right away.

“Oh my God!” She yelled before rushing to the bathroom in search of cleaning supplies.

“Why didn’t you tell anyone you were sick?!” My mother yelled from the bathroom.

I just curled up into a ball and cried to myself.

Eventually, my mother returned and scrubbed the floor with a scouring pad. Afterward, my mother noticed something else was quite smelly.

“Don’t tell me... you wet the bed!?” She yelled as she stared at the wet stain on my sheets.

Before she could strip my mattress, her attention was moved elsewhere.

I saw her look toward my closet. Oh no.

She opened my closet door and saw me lying on the floor sobbing in my soggy pajamas.

She tried reaching for me but I screamed and slapped her hand away.

Her mood had changed once I slapped her hand. Her muscles tensed up, hands shaking, and her jaw was clenched tightly.

All of a sudden, I feel her hands gripped tightly against my arms. She lifted me from the floor. I kicked and screamed as she carried me into the bathroom.

Shortly after, she threw me on to the toilet seat and forcibly tried to rip my clothes off. I fought with her the entire time and screamed at her to stop.

“Don’t take off my clothes! No! I don’t want to get changed!”

As I was screaming, the bathroom door creaked open and Rowan stuck her head inside.

Out of pure fear and anger, I screamed at Rowan, “Rowan, get the fuck out!”

I immediately regretted my awful words.

Rowan’s face turned red and her eyes filled up with tears... the sound of her crying shot a direct pain to my heart.

It wasn’t long before my twin sister ran back into her bedroom.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!?” My mother yelled at me. Right before lifting up her hand and smacking me across my face.

That was the first time my mother hit me. It stung but it wouldn’t be the last time I was struck that terrible night.

“I have had enough of your shit! I’m changing your clothes and that’s final!”

She screamed before ripping off my underwear and pants. I screamed and cried. I didn’t like being exposed...

Unfortunately, the more I fought her off the more she hit me.

But once everything was said and done, I cried myself to sleep on my bedroom floor. Sucking on my thumb as it was the only thing that could comfort me.