“I knew it!” someone shouting woke me up.

I shot up in bed.

“I knew it was a lie.” Mom crossed her arm, she turned on the light, my eyes took a second to adjust.

“Mom?”

“Flu huh?”

“Ugh! Leave me alone.” I laid back down and turned over in bed.

“Why aren’t you at work, and why did you call in for the rest of the week? That’s very irresponsible.”

“Fuck off okay, I don’t feel good.”

“Don’t you talk to me like that. What’s wrong with you huh?” she walked over to me to feel my head for a fever.

“I’m just tired okay, stop picking on me.”

“You’re not even sick. You are going to work tomorrow if I have to drag you myself.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Why not?”

“Because I fucking hate this job!” I sat up.

“You need to suck it up, what are you 16? You want to be an adult well here you go. Adults go to work, adults have bills to pay, adults get reprimanded for their actions.”

“Screw you, you know what I fucking quit. I don’t need your job. I don’t need the stress. And I sure as hell don’t need the shit my students are giving me. I am done. Find a replacement. I’m so fucking done. I’m going to move and you can’t stop me.”

“Scarlet.” She took it down several notches, giving me that guilty look.

“Don’t you Scarlet me! I’ve had it. I’m fucking losing my mind! I don’t even know what is what anymore. I’m just so fucking confused and frustrated! I can’t take it! I just need a break or I’m going to snap! So, fuck off okay!”

She sighed and pet my head. Things my mother does to comfort me. I just burst into sobs and forced her into an embrace.

I really am losing it. I don’t want to go back there. I don’t want to have to face Maddison again. I can’t look her in the face knowing how badly I got off to her little stunt. Fucking hell, I’ll never be able to look at her the same. She’ll know I watched it, she has to already know.

Holy fuck. I am seriously scared to face Maddison Johnson again. So much so that I am willing to quit my job. That little tease took it too far. If anyone found out I have that video…

“What is going on with you?” mom asked.

“I—I don’t know. I’m confused. There is this girl I like, well more like I’m in lust with her. Fuck, I don’t know what to do. I’ve never felt like this for a girl. I’m scared, mommy.” I buried my face into her shoulder.

“It’s okay, you can be in lust with whoever you want. Boy, girl, non-binary. You know I don’t judge. I just want you to be safe and practical. You can’t just quit your job because you are stressed out.” She rubbed my back.

“I know.” I whimpered.

“You got to go work tomorrow.” She kissed my head.

“No. please I just need some time to figure this all out.”

“Thanksgiving break is coming up.”

“That’s still two weeks away, please don’t make me go. How can I teach students when my mind is elsewhere? I’m a mess right now, just let me get my shit together okay.”

“Fine, but you need to get your act cleaned up. Break up with what’s his face T.J and figure things out with this girl.”

“E.J”

“You know what I meant.” She huffed.

“Fine, I will.”

“I just wish you would slow down for a change. You seem to have a new side piece every few months. Plus with the amount of sex you have, I’m surprised I’m not a grandma yet. You know it’s not healthy to have that much sex.”

“Stop being a nun mom, those are sexual myths. I can have sex every day and be okay.”

“I think you’re the one believing in myths. Just be careful okay.” She sighed.

“I always am. Come on mom, I have standards, I don’t just sleep with whoever. Mostly.”

She pulled back an eyed me.

“I’m kidding, sort of,” I smirked.

“Scarlet Avery Ashton, what am I going to do with you?” She sighed.

I buried my face into her shoulder again and sighed. Sometimes even big girls like me still need their mommy’s. She held me and let me fall asleep in her arms.

Later that night after my mom was gone, I broke up with E.J over text. Sure it was heartless and cruel, but I just didn't want to deal with him. I knew he was going to come and try to face me in person, so I went out for the night to a bar.

And yes I got totally plastered.

“That’s enough, I’m cutting you off.” The bartender said.

“Fuck you, I’ms still s-sober” I slurred.

“Em Hm I’m sure you are.” He put water in front of me.

“Assss hole.”

“Some things never change I see.” Someone said behind me.

I turned and glared at her.

Carmen.

“Leave me alone, I’m having an exst- esi—crisesss. Leave me alone.” I pouted when I couldn’t get the words out.

She laughed.

Carmen and I used to be really good friends. She was the first friend I made in college. Her, Sherry, and I were the three musketeers. We each had a nickname. Carmen was Carm, like in Karma. Because she is a walking bad luck magnet. She told us she was a bitch in high school, a bully. So we said all her bad luck was Karma. Thus Carm, also it’s short for Carmen.

Sherry was Sher, like Cher. Short for Sherry, but we called her it because when we went to karaoke night a club once she sang Cher’s believe. The house went wild because she sounds like Cher when she sings. Also, she got laid that night because of that song. Lost her virginity. Thus Sher.

Mine is Scar. Short for Scarlet, but also because of how brutally honest and scarring I can be. If you are ugly, I tell you straight up and point out every flaw I see. I don’t mean to be mean, I just want to tell them so I can help them improve their looks. I’ve gotten better at controlling myself, but I’ve left more than a few people scarred for life.

Carmen and I haven’t spoken since freshmen year of college, because she was that drunken friend at a party who tried to sleep with me. Turns out she was only my friend because she had a big lesbian crush on me. She nearly raped me. Granted I was plastered that night and might have led her on, but like I am now, I was confused back then.

We were roommates for a year before Sherry finally let me move in with her and kicked her bum of a roommate out. I almost dropped out of college because of her.

She is the only girl ever, other than Maddison, to sexually confuse me.

“Long time no see. I would ask how you’ve been, but I think I can figure it out.” She sat next to me.

“What are you doing here Carm.” I poked her in the forehead.

If I can recall correctly, she lives two states over.

She giggled.

“I’m here on business, I forgot you lived around here, to be honest.” She shrugged.

“Liar, liar, pants on fire.” I teased.

“You don’t look so good, do you want me to call someone for you?” she asked.

“No. I’m still sover.” I turned back to the bartender.

“Please get her out of here. She’s already charged over $200 on her card for drinks.” He sighed.

“Yikes, still a heavy drinker I see.” She helped me up.

“I’m sover!” I pouted.

“Sure you are sweetie.” She sighed.

“You smell good,” I said when I nearly tripped and had to hold on to her to stabilize myself.

“You smell drunk.” She giggled.

“I’ve missed you. It’s been too longs.”

“You shunned me remember.”

“Why would I do that? You’re so hot.” I pulled back and used my whole hand to move her naturally red hair from her face.

“You called me a dike in training and told me I was too ugly even for a lesbian if I remember correctly.” She helped me out of the bar.

“That’s mean. Who said that? I’ll kick their ass.”

“You did silly.” She giggled.

“I did? Oh, well I can’t really kick my own ass.” I frowned.

“Come on, you’re lucky I just got here.” She helped me into her car.

“Bad luck. You’re bad luck. Carmmmm”

“Okay, where do you live? Or do you just want to come home with me?”

“Emm that sounds fun. We can go all night if you want.” I wiggled my eyebrows.

Her face went red and she silently started the car.

“You still gay for me?” I asked.

“If you are asking if I am still gay in general, the answer is yes.”

“No, like, you still wanna fuck me?”

“Why?”

“I wanna fuck you. I wanna fuck girls. I like girls now. I’m a big fat lesbo!” I cheered out the window which was rolled down.

She laughed.

“I am. I’ve been totally seeing girls in a whole new light. I’m finally realizing what I’ve been misss-en all this time.” I hiccupped.

“Really? You, a lesbian? I’m not buying it.” She frowned.

“I’m not selling.” I turned away from her.

She laughed again.

“Who’s your girlfriend?” she asked.

“No girl toy yet just got rid of my boy toy. Girl toy needs to gro—w up first.” I hiccupped.

She eyed me in confusion.

“Trouble in paradise?” she asked.

“She’s such a fucking tease. Little slut she is. Always wearing those fucking thongs. What a shit head.”

“So you two aren’t together yet?”

“Nope, not until she grows up. She has to be this tall to ride the Scarlet express.” I held my hand close to the car roof.

She laughed.

“What about you, lesbian stud, any girl toys?”

“No. I’m single and ready to mingle. My last relationship was a disaster, but I’ve moved on already.”

“Then fucking fuck me. take me to yours and slam me into the wall. Do me all night baby.” I clung to her arm.

“You’re drunk, last time I tried that it didn’t go so well.”

“I’ve changed. I’ve grown up, I’m a total adult now. Even my mom says so.” I crossed my arms.

She laughed.

“I am!”

“You are so adorable when your drunk.” She giggled.

“I’m sober, I’m like 50% sure.”

She laughed.

We pulled up to a hotel, one of those big fancy ones. It was deep in the city, a 30-minute drive from my apartment.

“You staying here?”

“Sure am, come on, you need more water and to lay down somewhere.”

“Emm, you going to lay on top of me?” I wiggled my eyebrows.

“Cut it out, come on.” Her face went red.

She led me to the elevator then to her room. She used a key card to unlock the door. I ran in and bounced on her bed.

“Woo!” I cheered.

“Shh! You’re going to get me in trouble.”

“No fun.” I pouted.

She gave me some water, took my shoes off and tucked me into the bed. She sat on the small recliner in the corner of the room. Turned the tv on for background noise.

“Lay with me.” I pouted.

“No. I know how you are. If you wake up next to me, you’ll totally freak and cuss me out. Just sleep and sober up okay.”

“Jerk face.” I pouted.

She sighed.

Carmen, despite what she said I said to her earlier, is actually very pretty. That is one of the reasons she sexually confused me back then. Because damn the girl is a fucking 10. I was insecure about my own looks and threatened by her.

She has medium length ginger hair, pale skin, but not the blinding pale, the soft pale. Bright blue eyes, and thin lips. Her nose is small and curved up a little like a cute pixie nose. Unlike most gingers, she has no freckles. Her chest may be small, but she is still curvy in her own way despite how thin she is. Seriously girl is a toothpick.

“Lay with me.” I pouted still watching her watch tv.

“No.”

“Fuck me.”

“Stop it.”

“You’re such an asshole.” I felt my tears welling up.

She sighed.

“Lay with me!” I demanded sitting up.

“Scar come on, you know I can’t not after last time.”

“If you don’t lay with me I’ll scream at the top of my lungs until they kick us out.” I crossed my arms.

She sighed.

Slowly and begrudgingly she got up and walked over to me. I moved over and she laid in the bed with me, being sure to keep as much distance between me and her as possible. I wasn’t having that and I clung myself to her.

“Scarlet, seriously.”

“Shh. Just hold me okay. I’m going through some stuff right now.” I said on a serious note.

“Obviously or you wouldn’t be this drunk.”

“Please.”

She sighed and wrapped her arms around me. I relaxed into her, and in seconds I was out like a light.