Lily walked out of her room. Thank God, they were finally g-

"Lily!"

"Lily!"

Ugh. She tried to hide her irritation. When was she going to be left alone?

Hopefully they had decided that they weren't going to pursue her any more.

"We're going to prove ourselves to you." He grabbed her hand. "We're going to showcase our talents so you can choose. I'm going to prove to you, the most beautiful woman I have ever met-"

"What about your wife?" Spencer pointed out.

Jeremy rolled his eyes. His current wife was irrelevant. "-still the most beautiful woman I have ever met, that I am worthy of being your husband, forever and ever."

Lily took a step back, hands up and out of the boy's firing range. "Woah, dude, it's only been a few-"

Jeremy looked up, his face blank and serious. "Time is meaningless."

Spencer stared at him. "Ooooo-kay then." He pushed Jeremy out of the way and stood in front of Lily. "I-" He put a hand on his chest- "will-" He bowed- "go first," he said as he fell forward after bowing too low. He pushed himself up and brushed off his clothes. "I will be performing...the alphabet."

"Ha! That's all you can-mmMSNORF!" Spencer covered Jeremy's mouth and cleared his throat.

"A B C D E F G, H I J K LMNO P, Q R S, T U V, W, X, Y and... drop the bass." Spencer dubstepped his way through the entire alphabet, dragging it out for a good two minutes longer than it ever should have been, but impressive all the same.

Lily and Jeremy stared in disbelief. Spencer removed his hand from Jeremy's mouth to bow again.

"That was..." Lily searched for the right word. "...creative. Both creative and the weirdest thing I have ever seen. Apart from the library. Scratch that. Including the library."

Spencer bowed once more and turned to Jeremy, smirking. It was probably a smirk, but Spencer was always smiling so it was next to impossible to tell. "It is your turn now, my man."

Jeremy took a deep breath. This was going to blow them away.

"O Fortuna-" He proceeded to sing the entire song in perfect Latin. Spencer sung along quietly (with some rather questionable lyrics).

"Statue of big dog with cheese," sung Spencer. Jeremy glared at him. 

When he was done, he bowed. Lily sighed. God, this just got five hundred times harder to decide. Wait. She didn't even want to decide. Ugh. "You guys know you're just making it worse?"

They looked at each other and shrugged. Lily took one look at them, stepped back into the room and slammed the door.

"Dead!"

Dead dropped to the ground, choking on whatever he had just swallowed, Considering there was an entire table or various pies and other baked goods Dead liked, it was kind of hard to tell. It could have been anything.

Sad pulled his convulsing brother from the ground.

"Sad! The Heimlich!"

"I don't know it!" Sad shouted back, shaking Dead.

"Out of the way!" Linda pushed Sad away, threw Dead to the floor, and started punching his back.

"Linda, I don't think that's what the Heimlich-"

Dead stopped convulsing. Linda stopped punching him and stepped back. A job well done,  she thought.

"Dead?" Sad leant over and checked for a pulse.

He was dead.

"He's gone." Sad stood up and hung his head. "Again."

Linda knelt down, closed Dead's eyes, then punched his back again.

"Linda!"

"It never hurts to try."

Sad knelt on the floor.

"Sad, I know it's horrible that your brother is dead, but please don't-"

Sad ignored Linda and put his hands together. "Othilli, I know you've already helped us before, but-"

Gül'lcra'agg was just minding its own business, caressing Dead Human's corpse when the door opened again. It hissed, or hissed as well as one could when one lacks a mouth, because it had been enjoying itself and it did not want to be disrupted.

It reached out a tentacle and pushed the door shut.

The one from before, the one which had survived its presence, the First Human to Survive, sat down on the floor. They had shiny gold tentacles protruding from their mind egg to their upper...noodles. These particular noodles were something it had never seen in anything other than humans, and their noodles split into smaller noodles at the end. The tentacles coming from their mind egg seemed to be curled permanently, as if the human could not move them at will.

It looked very uncomfortable.

First Human spoke a greeting in the human tongue, a tongue Gül'lcra'agg had not learned, yet one that it understood all the same. Gül'lcra'agg extended a tentacle cautiously. The human waved at it. Gül'lcra'agg poked the human. They recoiled quickly, then apologised. The human explained that contact with Gül'lcra'agg would hurt the humans. Please stop. Don't do it. Please stop, the human begged. Gül'lcra'agg made a noise to show it understood. That was why the Dead Human was dead. Gül'lcra'agg had been wondering about that. Why, when Gül'lcra'agg had become angry, had the human dropped to the floor with the red stuff coming out? It had thought maybe it was an apology, until the human hadn't moved for about five minutes, then it realised the human was the dead.

As if they knew what it was thinking about, First Human asked about the body of Dead Human.

Gül'lcra'agg ignored them and turned away. This was its corpse.

"Luke, that was the best birthday present ever!" Clyde said as Apis dumped him on the couch. "Antarctica is my favourite place!"

Ashlee groaned and switched on the TV. The volume was set to 666.

"AND NEXt up, episode 452 of our My Little pony marathon! Almost a quarter way through!" Ashlee turned the volume down steadily through the sentence. The theme song drifted into everybody's ears.

"Ugh." Ashlee pressed the mute button and tossed the remote to Apis. "I think this is the only channel."

Apis tried to change the channel. Nothing happened.

The mysterious hooded inmate, who everyone just called Anon, crept into loungeroom. "This is the only channel? Terrible. Hand me the remote." Apis threw the remote over to Anon, who sat back on a couch, turned the volume up and started singing along to the theme song.

"Hey guys." Jeremy and Spencer plodded into the loungeroom, rubbing their heads. Spencer sat down on the floor. Jeremy sat next to Anon (who shuffled away immediately), sighed, and stared at the ceiling.

"Relationship trouble?" Clyde winked. "I can help."

Jeremy turned to Clyde. "How did you know?"

"Detective magic." Clyde held out a hand. "I'm Sherlock." Jeremy shook hands hesitantly and began to explain his situation.

Ashlee tuned out their conversation and unlocked her phone. This thing had such terrible camera quality, but she was going to get so. many. followers. from posting about this.

She leant over to take a picture of them, angling for the shot that would make Jeremy look the worst.

"Any ideas, Primrose?" Clyde was now sitting next to her.

"Any ideas for what?" She hadn't been listening, she had been typing a witty comment on the picture! She pressed the upload button and quickly switched off the phone so nobody would see what she had just said about them.

"The fight to the death, silly!" Clyde said it as if 'fight to the death' should have been the first thing she thought of. This was going to be...interesting.

Ashlee switched her phone to video mode.

"Fight to the death?" she asked, putting the phone back in her pocket in a way that it was still filming but didn't look like it.

"Watson and Romeo are having a fight to the death to find out who'll get the girl!"

Ashlee shrugged, making sure she didn't move her pocket too much. "Knives. Books. The pool's frozen."

Jeremy stretched his arms and prepared to jump in the pool. Frozen? Ha! Everyone else was a wimp. Those sissies didn't know what real cold was. Try spending a week in the frozen deserts of Arizona, then they'd know what real cold was. This pool couldn't be as bad as that. Jeremy stepped up to the edge.

"Look before you leap," muttered Spencer, who, for once, did not appear to be stoned. Jeremy ignored him, for Spencer was just trying to deter Jeremy from his leap of faith.

His leap of faith which would finally prove he loved Lily the most.

Spencer was wimping out and stepping away from the pool.

"Jeremy-"

Jeremy did not let Spencer finished his sentence, because before he could finish, Jeremy had taken his leap of faith.

Lily walked into the pool building to see Jeremy jumping into the pool. He dived head first into the pool with his arms out in front of him, falling face first into the sharp ice that filled the pool. The rest of his body crashed down, hitting the ice, blood splattering slightly.

Spencer pulled a brownie out of his pocket. "I warned him."

"Is he..." Lily's voice cracked. "...dead?"

"Hon-" Spencer broke off half the brownie and shoved it in his mouth. "-if it makes you feel any better, it was a fight to the death."

Lily dropped to the ground, tears forming in her eyes.

"Hey, hey, don't cry." Spencer sat down next to her and patted her back. "Have some weed brownie, but not too much because it takes a while to kick in." He handed Lily the other half of the brownie. Lily sighed, shrugged, and shoved the whole brownie in her mouth just like Spencer had done.

"Thanks, I guess."

Dead woke up still choking on the food. Linda pushed him up so he could cough out the remaining bits of food.

"Sad? It wasn't the pie, right?" Dead stood up and shook Sad urgently. "Tell me it wasn't the pie!!!"

Sad shook his head slowly. "It was the pie, Dead."

Dead burst into tears.

Linda pushed away the gluten-free vegan ice cream™ and headed to the common room, Dead still sobbing in the background.

Most of the inmates were in the common room. Everybody except Sad, Dead, and Jeremy.

"Where's Jeremy?" Ashlee asked.

"Dead," replied Lily, her pupils dilated and a blank look on her face. Spencer was lying in her lap, looking at the ceiling and giggling. Lily looked up at Ashlee. "It's alright, he wanted to be." Then she looked down at Spencer and poked his nose.

...okay.

Ashlee looked over at Linda, who was staring at the television. "Seriously? My Little Pony?"

"Unfortunately," Anon said, "There is nothing else to watch." Despite this, they were the only one watching the TV and actually enjoying it.

"Linda, when's dinner?" Lily pushed Spencer off and stared at her. "I'm. So. Hungry."

Ashlee stood up. "I'll do it, even though I cooked last night--" she glanced at Linda. "-because anything is better than this sugar-honey-iced-tea."

"I'll help!" Linda not-quite screamed, jumping out of her seat.

Everyone immediately turned to Linda.

"NO!"

END OF DAY THREE