I was a little surprised to wake up at all; never mind to wake up freezing, lying on what seemed to be solid rock. I found that I had so little energy that I couldn`t move, and my eyes were so heavy…even though it was freezing.
When I woke up again, I was still lying on solid rock, and still freezing. I could move now, but barely; sitting up made me gasp for breath, my head spin, black dots to appear in front of my eyes. That had never happened before…was it…was it…blood loss…? Mother had warned me that if I lost too much blood I wouldn`t be able to move… I had to lean against the stone wall of the…of the…where…where was I? Frightened, I looked around very slowly, so as not to make my head spin even worse. It wasn’t exactly a cave, since overhead was the clear blue sky. It was….morning? Above the stones I could see trees, so there must have been ground up there, which meant…this was a ravine? I had never seen one before, but mother had had a picture in a book to explain to me what they were.
She hadn`t said that there were any near the cottage… and…and…how did I get out? I certainly couldn`t climb those rocks to get out though… The stone went around in a oval type shape, enclosing the area as far as I could see, and the area ended a good distance away, with green on the ground in place of the gray-brown rock. And through the rock and green ran a small river. Where…why…where was I? Why was I here? Could I get home from here? How? I wanted to go home! I had been so sure that the vampire man was going to kill me. I shouldn`t have followed him. Mother had said that when people were very mean and hurtful, there was always the chance that they`d kill. But he…hadn’t…for some reason? But he had hurt me…why had he hurt me…? Mother had said that people would hurt me…
I shivered, and suddenly he was there, still wearing my jacket. I flinched back, even though that made my head hurt, and I watched him warily. He watched me too. Was he…was he going to hurt me again? I didn`t want to be hurt! Why had…why had he brought me here? This wasn`t the forest I remembered seeing from the cottage or from when I`d followed him…I didn`t think…How…How could I get back? I wanted to go back! And why had I ignored mother`s warnings about people and followed him? He had hurt me! Why had he hurt me? Just like she had warned that people would. Watching me, his eyes darkened a little, though not to the deep blue of before, when he had hurt me, and he reached for me. No! I didn`t want to be hurt again! No! I ducked away as quickly as I could, which made my head spin enough that I couldn`t move for a long moment. In that moment, he grabbed me easily, and pulled me onto his lap.
I cried out and tried to fight him, to hit him and pull away, push away, starting to cry from fright. No! I didn`t…I didn`t want…but like before he ignored my struggles and he…and he pulled my head to rest on his shoulder, smoothing my hair, gently, but with a little pressure like…like mother had…had done when I had a night scare. I paused in pushing him. Like Mother? Why…why…how could he be like mother? Mother had been good. But…but he had hurt me, and that meant he was bad! I put my hands against his chest to push away, to try to push away again, since he was so strong, but he rocked me gently. Gently…like…like mother had…without me telling them to, my hands gripped onto my jacket that he was wearing, and I burst into actual tears then. Real tears and not just scared tears, though I was still scared. I wanted mother back! I didn`t want her to be dead and gone. I didn`t want to be somewhere scary where people I didn`t know might hurt me…had hurt me…but I…I…I didn`t want to be alone either…I didn`t like being alone…
It wasn`t until I stopped crying some time later that I realized how bad my head hurt from both the dizziness and the crying. He hadn`t moved the whole time I was crying, other than to smooth my hair and rock me gently. Calm, and gentle like mother, familiar. But mother had always talked to me when I was crying, and he hadn`t. But…but even without talking he had been gentle… I looked up to find him watching me, unreadable expression on his face. Why were men expressionless? His eyes were back to the clear ice color. I let go of the jacket, shivering a little as I put a hand to my head. It was still cold. And my head still hurt.
I didn`t know what to think about him. He had hurt me, but then been gentle. So…which was it? Was he good, or bad? Or…could there…could there be a spot in between? Someone who wasn`t good or bad? From what mother had told me, and the books I`d read, I had thought there were only the two options. But…but…he had hurt me, and then been gentle. I didn`t understand. Why…? I sniffed a little, and he reached out and wiped the last of my tears away, like mother had used to, gently. Was it…was it ok to trust him? There was no one else here…and he was gentle now…maybe…maybe he wouldn`t hurt me again? Why had he hurt me?
He put a wrist to his mouth and bit it, holding it out to me. He hurt himself too? Why…? What…? What did he think I could do with his bleeding wrist…? When I didn`t move, he moved his wrist closer to my face, closer to my nose, not letting me shrink back too far. I didn`t like that, but…his blood…smelled interesting. Not like mother`s had smelled. Mother`s blood had smelled of copper and iron, and so did mine. But…his blood … smelled…sweet... Yummy. My stomach growled and I shook my head, pausing because of the dizziness. `Yummy?` What was I thinking? I couldn`t drink blood…how would blood smell yummy? Mother had once mentioned that other people who cast spells thought that drinking blood was a good way to get power, but really, it only made people sick. I didn`t want to get sick!
I looked up at him. So why…? He put his wrist in front of me again. He had drank my blood before…Did he think that I drank blood too? Why…? And once I had smelled the sweet blood again, he put his wrist directly against my mouth. I felt the blood on my lips, and even though my lips were closed, a little bit trickled through. It was…sweet! Sweet as it smelled. Delicious…His blood didn’t taste like blood. Normally, blood had a sort of coppery salt taste; I`d licked my own cuts before, and knew that. But his blood was sort of…smooth, with a thick creamy taste but it was almost like soda bubbles were hidden under that taste. A new taste. A good taste.
I reached up to grab his arm, to push him away? but my mouth opened of its own accord. I…I…liked that taste. It was a new taste, I knew I`d never tasted it before, but at the same time, somehow a little familiar. I licked his cut now, drinking the blood that dripped from the bite mark, entranced by the taste. Why did his blood taste good? And not like blood? But it was blood…people weren`t supposed to drink blood…but…as I drank the blood, I felt my headache dim, and start to go away. His blood was…helping? How? Wouldn`t I get sick from drinking his blood, like mother had said? But…I wasn`t hungry anymore either. And after another moment my headache disappeared completely. So now I forced myself to pull away, even though it was yummy—why was it yummy? I didn`t drink blood!--and he let me.
I looked at him astonished. How had…why had I…blood?! I wiped my mouth on my sleeve and shivered, distracted. I wanted to be distracted from the blood. It was too cold! The cottage at least had been warm…but I didn`t know how to get back…I hesitated, studying his face for a minute. Maybe he knew? He…he had hurt me, but he was gentle now, so…so maybe he`d understand if I asked to go home? Would he let me? I...I…I didn`t have anyone else to ask. And…I only wanted to go home, so that was a small thing, wasn`t it…? I asked, “I-it`s c-cold…Can`t we go back to the cottage?” In the cottage there were spark stones so that I could light a fire to keep warm…
He studied my face in return, but didn`t seem to understand. I started to pull away, quickly realized that that was colder, and burrowed back against him. I had always snuggled with mother when it was cold, though we had had blankets to help. I was a little afraid of him hurting me again, but I was colder than I was afraid. I didn`t like the cold. And I didn`t like being alone. I tugged on the jacket sleeve and shivered. He looked at me blankly for a minute, then he seemed to at least sort of understand, as he took off the jacket and put it on me—the exact same way I had put it on him. He didn`t let me put it on by myself. But he was gentle. And with the jacket on, and his arms still around me, I was warmer.
But still. “Can we…can we go back to the cottage? Please? I want…I want to go home.” I asked pointing…in the direction the cottage might be in. I didn`t know where we were in relation to the cottage. He looked at me. I tried to stand up, and he reluctantly let me, standing up too. I knew he was reluctant. But he let me, and didn`t hurt me. He was taller than me. I looked up and tried again. “My cottage.” I told him, looking around to find how to get out of this…place, this ravine. I couldn`t find one, so I pointed up to where I saw the trees.
He tilted his head and his eyes followed my pointing finger. Away…? When he looked back at me, I nodded. Back to the cottage I knew. Back where it was warm, and not scary. Home. Not outside. He reached over and grabbed my arm. I flinched a little—he had hurt me once. But he was gentle now, like he had been gentle while I was crying, pulling me closer to him, till I was in his arms.
Then he had hold of me, and he jumped. I grabbed onto him tightly. I hadn`t expected him to jump. That had been a very high rock wall…! I clung to him for a minute, startled by that high jump, then looked around. It was all tall evergreen trees. I didn`t see any paths either. Which way was the cottage? I looked around and bit my lip a little.
Searching…? He touched my lip gently so I stopped biting it. Mother had done that too, touching my lip when I bit it, scolding me to be more careful, lest I make it bleed. Not sure which way the cottage was, I picked a direction and pointed. “Let`s go this way.” I pulled away, and shivered. It was cold. A fire would be nice. He let me, but kept hold of my hand. I looked at our hands together, then back up at him. Mother had never held my hand like that. Not tightly enough that I couldn`t pull away easily, but still gently.
He met my eyes, and I realized that I didn`t know what to call him. Mother had said that her name was Maryanne, though only other people used that name. I just called her `mother`. My name was Jaylin. What was his name…? His hand on mine was warm and gentle. And he hadn`t hurt me again after that first time…he`d been gentle after that one time of hurting me, and I didn`t want to be alone. If he didn`t hurt me again, maybe…maybe there was a grey area between good and bad people? Maybe while bad people always hurt others, and good people like mother never did, maybe there was a middle where they only hurt people sometimes? I still didn`t want to be hurt, but…but being alone…I didn`t want that either.
“…what`s your name?” I asked. He looked at me with a slightly tilted head. He didn`t understand? “My name is Jaylin.” I told him. In books, that was how people introduced themselves. I had read a lot of books, both before and after Mother had died. But he wasn`t acting like any of the people in books had, the good or bad ones.
Maybe…in books, when someone didn`t have a name, someone else gave them one. Could I give him a name? “…Kohriko.” I decided after studying him for a minute, even as I shivered. Koori meant ice, like his eyes, and if you added the ‘ko’ it means ‘ice child’. It…suited him. And it made me feel better to have something to call him. If you knew someone`s name then they weren`t a stranger anymore, mother had said.
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