“Koh,” I gave him a nickname, and when he just looked at me, offered him a tentative smile. Mother had said that people liked smiles, and that sometimes when she`d smiled, people had not hurt her. And mother had liked smiles too, always giving me one, and wanting me to smile back. And he was being gentle now, but maybe it would help him not hurt me? He didn`t smile back to my smile, but his eyes lightened a little, and he squeezed my hand. …cottage. Come. Koh tugged my hand gently, and started walking. He knew where my cottage was? That was good…I didn`t. I…I had no idea where we were.
I followed him. I stumbled a little on the roots from the trees that had grown here so long, but Koh wouldn`t let me fall. He would grab onto my arm when I tripped, to make sure that I didn`t fall. That was…good. We walked enough to make me tired, and then I saw a familiar break in the trees, and a gate. This I recognized! I shook off Koh`s hand and ran forward as much as I could, Koh right at my heels.
When I paused at the gate, staring, Koh grabbed my hand again, this time tight enough that I wouldn`t be able to shake him off, but still not tight enough to hurt. I barely noticed. I stared at the cottage. It looked…old. When I had looked back before following Koh, it had looked like it always had, but now it looked…old. Old, and scarily not familiar. Why…? What….what had happened to my cottage…? I looked at Koh. I didn`t understand what had happened. Koh pulled me towards him, gently, and gave me a hug.
If Koh wasn`t going to hurt me, I could trust him. In books, people always trusted other people if they didn`t hurt them. So I put my arms around him now too. I missed hugs from mother; those had always made me feel better if I was nervous or scared. Hugging Koh was not like hugging mother though. Hugging mother, she had felt soft and gentle. Koh, he felt warm and strong. But it still made me feel less scared. I wasn`t alone. I took a deep breath. If the outside of the cottage looked this old, what had happened to the inside? Mother`s herbs, her tools, my sketchbooks? I needed to see. This was the only place I knew, and if I didn`t know it anymore…what did I have left?
I pulled away from Koh, who didn`t let go of my hand. The gate pushed open, without even so much as a tiny shock. Had it been a spell from mother? And now, because she was...was gone, the spell was too? I went to the window of the cottage, because the door was blocked by a tree. When had a tree grown in front of the door…? Trees took years to grow…surely mother hadn`t….hadn`t been dead that long? Though I hadn`t left the cottage since she`d died, so perhaps… I saw the inside of the cottage then. “Oh!” I gasped. The inside was covered with dust and debris, and plants growing through the floorboards, and I could barely even see the shelves and the bed that should have been there. Sunlight was leaking through the roof, where there were holes now. What….what…how…
I started to climb through the window. I needed….needed to see…Koh didn`t let go of my hand, climbing into the window after me. I looked around in dismay. What…what had happened here? I went to where the fireplace was. It was full of cobwebs and dust, just like everything else I saw. I didn`t…I didn`t like this… The cottage had been clean when I`d been here last! Why was it now...dirty? And old?
I walked around the room, looking for anything familiar under the dust. I couldn`t find any of the blankets I had left on the bed, or the ones that should have been stored to the side out of the way. I couldn`t find any food, nor my sketchbooks, nor mother`s herbs. And those weeds growing up through the floor! The sunlight sparkled on something and it caught my eye. Mother`s copper bracelet! I dove for it, hurting my arm since I went down so quick and Koh was still holding my hand, though he quickly knelt with me as I picked it up, trying to brush the dust off. But it wasn`t…wasn`t dust…it was…tarnished. When copper got old, it tarnished. And it looked very, very old…Not like I remembered. I didn`t understand what was going on. But this wasn`t a familiar place anymore, that much was clear. This wasn`t home. What had happened to my home? I started crying. Too much. It was…it was too much. I didn`t know what to do. Mother was…was dead, I had been alone a long time, Koh had…had hurt me and now my home…my home…
Koh let go of my hand, but instead picked me up. I turned my head into his chest as I cried again, arms going around his neck automatically. Mother had used to hold me if I cried. My home was…was gone. This…I didn`t know what had happened to it, but it was no longer the place that I knew. I had nowhere to go….! Everything was odd. I was tired, and I was cold. And I didn`t understand. I just wanted…I wanted… Koh rested his chin on my head for a long moment, and then stood and started walking.
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