As we walk aimlessly with no destination in mind, the atmosphere around us remains silent. It would be such a peaceful silence if my thoughts didn't try to eat their way into my mind. I've never had an issue with showing affection to those I am drawn to. I will hug my friends, greet them with friendly kisses, not mind them being within my personal space. But that is in the comfort of knowing I am not within the judging eye of the public. I refused for so many years to share this side of myself out in the unknown and not within a safe environment.

The only times that I have allowed it to happen was when I was close to a breakdown with no logical thoughts running through my mind, take last week for example when Ignacio greeted me. I felt too far gone with my thoughts to comprehend my surrounding when we greeted each other, but then again, we were within reach of my safe place that I call home. Not on a busy street at peak hour where there are far too many pushing their way through the crowd.

Yet, here I am.

"So... Was, uh... Everything ok with Rodney?" a quiet, soft voice breaks through the bubble of silence we were in. I look at Rodney for a brief moment before letting my eyes drift down to our still intertwined pinkies. It seems so silly to be connected in this way but I cannot express how proud I am of myself for taking this small step, which leaves me smiling down at them for a moment.

"Everything is fine. He said he will handle it, and if help is needed then he knows who to turn to." I say as I tug Revon down a side street and away from the busy strip. We fall into silence again after he gives a small nod in response. After some more time walking, we end up at a small park wooded park on the outskirts of the city. I look at Revon in question and he smiles back, releasing my pinkie and walking ahead to a coffee vendor just beyond the entrance.

I watch as he goes, and I eventually trail behind slowly. He seems to be so full of life as he speaks to the man running the vendor, not as anxious or nervous like his friend Ellis had described. He seems to be at peace, but when he looks back in my direction, that smile wavers a bit and confusion starts to seep its way through. Am I really someone who would be good for him? Ellis said he needed someone loving and caring, and I know I can give all of that and more. But how can I provide Revon with all of that when I still have my own demons holding me down? I can't hold his hand in daylight without having an internal battle, yet I can when we are hidden? One may think it is because he is male, but that doesn't bother me, not in the slightest. I have gone so long hiding, keeping myself hidden, that trying to escape far too is daunting. Do I even want to escape? Is Revon worth it?

A small beckoning wave stops my thoughts for spiralling out of hand, so I do as I am asked and make my way over to him. I make sure to keep my distance though not too far from him to make it obvious, but he still looks at me with a small, sad smile. "I'm getting a cappuccino; would you like something? I didn't want to order for you when I don't know what it is you prefer." Revon asks once he receives his cup from the man. I look over at the sign and debate getting the same out of nervousness but stop myself when I remember the last time I had coffee when I was this jittery, not a pleasant experience.

"Uh, I'll take a tea, chamomile, if you have it, and a bottle of water." Revon takes a step closer to me as we wait, head bowed, staring at the paper coffee cup in his hands, and his bottom lip between his teeth. I take a quick glance around and at the man behind the counter. Once I see that there are no eyes watching, I raise Revons head with a finger under his chin to make his eyes meet mine. "You ok?" I ask, tensing slightly when I spot the vendor turn back to face us with my tea and water in both hands. I will myself to remain rooted in this position, and when I get a positive nod in response from Revon, I finally release him and take the items from the vendor after paying.

We continue our walk further into the wooded area, the silence surrounding us once again, until Revon ventures off the path, settling himself down beneath a tree that overlooks a small pond close by. I expected him to sit upon the grass but before he does, he pulls out a small blanket from his satchel and lays it out. As I get closer, he looks up at me once seated and pats the free space on the blanket alongside him. "I like to come prepared." He states when he spots me looking at him in question just as I take a seat, leaning my back up against the bark. "I actually come here quite often. It is like the middle point between my home and work. For lunch, early days off, after work, I always find myself trailing down this path and stopping here. It's peaceful, my safe place to be left alone with my thoughts." Smiling to himself as he looks over at the pond, he eventually turns to me as he sips on his coffee, "Are we, um... Are you ok?"

It takes me a moment longer than I would have liked to respond to such a simple question with the usual answer is yes or I'm fine, but I find the white lie getting caught in my throat. Revon looks at me with so much patience, not seemingly bothered by my stumped silence. I start to nod my head, but it ends up taking control halfway through, giving a "no" response instead. I shrug my shoulders in defeat when he sends me another small but sad smile. After a few moments of fighting with myself to break the silence, I drag my eyes away from the black-haired man to take a drink of the hot tea in my hands, the slight burn distracting me and calming my nerves as it warms up my body from the inside.

"What is your... favourite animal?"

The question catches me off guard, and when I see a shy but bright smile on Revons face as he overlooks the landscape in front of us, I feel myself relaxing slowly. "A black panther, but I'd settle for a black cat if it came to owning one." The words come out easily, but the roughness in my voice has me opening the bottled water to ease it away.

"A fox," Revon says, no further explanation, but he looks at me with such a bright smile that I can't hold back the smile I return. "I love your smile." As he says the words, I can find the smile slip from my face but he reaches out for my free hand instantly. "Please, don't hide it from me." The affection in his eyes has me nodding, even though the smile has left my face, a shy one takes its place. "Favourite colour?"

We continue on like this, questions thrown back and forth about what our favourites are for the next hour maybe, I don't even know how much time has passed. I learned about what his favourite foods, drinks, movies and books are, and far more. This feels more like the first date than the original one. Yes, we talked during those few hours, learning the bare basics, some of what was said today were repeated. But this time, there was something different, a deeper connection, understanding, and want.

By the time we fall into a comforting lull, a smile is playing on both of our faces. Revon sits in front of me, nursing his forgotten cup of coffee, back slightly hunched from not resting it for so long. I scoot over some more on the blanket and pat the small area next to me. He bites his lip but crawls forward to sit alongside me. Once he is in close range I notice he is trying to settle further away than necessary, so I reach out and pull him in closer, hip to hip. He squeals slightly from the sudden action but relaxes into my side when I wrap my arm around his shoulder. Once relaxed and cuddled up into my side, I lean in to rest my lips in his hair, giving the spot a small kiss.

"I'm sorry for my... odd... behaviour today," I whisper, the sound muffled by his hair. He reaches out for the cold cup of tea in my hand, long forgotten about, and places it alongside us with his own. Once my hand is free, he catches it with his own and links our fingers together.

"You don't need to apologise, although I don't know what it was about exactly, I think I can understand the general gist of what was going on. I just... Are you feeling better now?"

"Much. The talk we just shared helped quite a bit, so thank you for that."

"It didn't help, it only distracted you, didn't it? I'm not going to make you talk about what it was that bothered you but... I need to know this, is it because of me? You know, being a guy? Are you ashamed?"