I loved you more than mere words could ever explain. Deeper, faster, stronger - I fell so far down the rabbit hole, I could no longer see the way out.

                                                                                                                 I wanted you.

I wanted to breathe you in and never breathe out again; I truly thought we belonged together, just us two forevermore.

You couldn’t be mine; tears in your eyes and heart broken inside my chest, you said no.

Wrong time, wrong me, wrong place, wrong person, I never truly knew.

                                                                                       Why, why, why, why, why?

Words of love, tender touches, soft kisses...you gave them all to me, just to take it all away.

                                                                                                                         It hurt.

                                                                                                                You hurt me.

                                                                                     I’d forgive you in a heartbeat.

I still wonder what if...

                                                                                                                        What if…

What if I met you on another day?

                                                                                                                        Before I...

Both young and uncomplicated, open futures in front of our bright eyes full of promise.

I’d be your first kiss, you’d be my first love…

Would it all be different then?

                                                                                               Would you still be mine?

What if we met older still?

With lives put together, with our heads in the right place and our hearts slightly hardened but still open to love.

Would you look at me then?

                                                                                   Would you love me as I do you?

I saw you the other day…

You looked happy, older, with a family of your own.

                                                               My heart still beats for you, it always will.

I wanted to be with you forever, but instead I now have to see you die.

Surrounded by family and friends; grandchildren to see you off on your last journey.

You look fulfilled, and your smile brings me joy as much as it feels like a slap on my face.

                                                                  You lived, you died, and here I still stand.

What if you chose me?