“What do you mean, you can’t go??” the person called Blare asked me later that day. “Why would you not be able to go?! Isn’t that what we all want here?!”
“Escape isn’t enough,” I thought, petting one of my new demon friends. Their mental noisiness was good for hiding conversations like this. “I don’t think it ever was. I have to end this.”
“What are you ending?? What does that mean?!”
“Clarion will know. Just tell him I said that. Also, I’ll need your help to get out of here, so could you please stick around?”
“Uh…for how long?”
“I don’t know. Maybe a day or two? I have to wait for the right moment.”
The demons started to growl at the walls of the Box. Toll was coming back.
“You have to get out of here now,” I thought. “When you come back, just wait for me close by. I’ll call for you- mentally- when it’s time. Okay?”
“O-kay…”
When Toll came in, all the demons roared at him again.
“Sorry,” I said. “I haven’t figured out how to make them stop doing that.”
Phase Two, go.
“…How do you work with them, anyway? Can you explain it?” he asked.
“I don’t know. It’s still kind of a hit-or-miss thing. Every once in a while, I just stumble across something that works.”
That was only half true. I couldn’t let him know about the ‘negative emotions’ thing.
“I was hoping…you would figure it out if you watched me for long enough,” I said to him. “Then maybe you could explain it to me.”
A little flattery.
“Oh, I’m sure I will eventually,” he said, picking me up.
Flattery successful. Proceeding.
“Mr. Saint Toll, I wanted to ask you about my parents,” I said.
“What do you want to know?”
“I already know they wanted to get something out of letting the angels research me. I just want to know what it ended up being.”
“Ah, that…I had to make arrangements with many different humans in order to get ahold of you. But as for your parents themselves…let’s just say they’re quite wealthy now.”
My face fell. “They…just wanted money?”
“That, and an assurance that they would never see you again.”
He leaned in close to me. “You brought all their nightmares to life that night, you know. If you remember what I told you about humans and fear, you shouldn’t be surprised by the choice they made. They do feel guilty about what they did to you; I’ll give them that. But not guilty enough to want to accept the consequences. In their eyes, little Herald Yew died in a demon attack 2 years ago. ‘Knell’ means nothing to them.”
Hearing that hurt more than I thought it would.
The demons started to crowd me again, even while Toll was carrying me. The one I was petting earlier even crawled up my back and nudged my face. I knew they were just attracted to my pain, but I tried to pretend they were comforting me like real pets. I also tried not to cry, but that didn’t work either.
So I decided to sell it.
“Why do they hate me so much?” I said. “I didn’t do anything wrong…I never asked to get turned into this! I mean, technically I did, but that was only ‘cause I had to or I would’ve died!”
“I’m telling you, that’s just how humans are,” he said back. “Besides, why do you care? You said yourself that everyone was just trying to use you. If you only need the approval of your ‘demon pals’, then it shouldn’t matter what your birth parents think of you.”
He was already trying to trap me. If I wanted all the lies to fit together, I had to try harder. “I know it shouldn’t,” I said. “But I just…everyone wants to be accepted, you know? To feel like someone loves them.”
“Well then, you should know that I love you. Very, very much.” He gave me another hug. “And I’ll never be ashamed of you, or reject you, or abandon you. The role of ‘father’ may be a human concept, but it’s one that I intend to do my utmost to fulfill. And that means that I accept you, with all of my heart.”
When a bad person is nice to you, you get a really funny feeling in your gut. It’s like a little voice that goes “I wish this was real.”
I hated Toll. But if everything he’d said just then was actually true; if he could like me as much as he did without wanting me to be his genocide-slave…I knew I probably wouldn’t. And knowing that made me imagine, just for a split second, what it would be like if we were friends.
…Well, back to work. “No one’s…ever said that to me before,” I said.
I felt kinda slimy all over, saying that to him, but I knew it was the perfect thing: It was technically true, and, combined with the funny feeling, the meaning behind it would be believable even if he tried to read my mind.
I watched a smile slowly spread across his face. Success.
He put me back down and dried my tears. I forced my best shy smile. “If you really promise you’ll be my father,” I said, “Then…I guess I could help you. I mean it this time.”
“Oh, Knell…if that’s all you really needed from me, you should have just said so,” he said, ruffling my hair. “I would be your father for nothing if I had to; that’s how much you mean to me. But as it stands, I’m going to put you to good use. It’s going to be you and me against the world, my dear boy, and we’re going to win. But I’ll tell you all about that in the morning. You don’t mind waiting a few hours, do you?”
I shook my head. Still smiling at me, he left the Box and shut the door without even locking it.
“That certainly went well,” I thought, grinning. I was so proud of myself, I was actually happy.
The demons didn’t like my change of attitude, and they started snapping at me. But I took the first one that bit me and twisted its body in half, and that seemed to satisfy them for a little while.
Using one half as a pillow, I curled up on the floor of the Box for the last time. Tomorrow, it would be time for vinegar. On to Phase Three.
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