Dear Rosey,

You came back. You came back and you held me in your arms. You showed me that you do care, that you do still love me.

I pretended to sleep for a while just to see if you would leave me while I was asleep but you didn’t. You stayed. You held me. Your warmth filled my soul. For the first time since that day, I could breathe again.

When I woke up the next morning I expected you to be gone, but you weren’t, you were still here. Still laying with me tracing circles on my arm. Waiting for me to wake up. You kissed the nape of my neck and I melted into your grasp. I didn’t want you to ever let go.

“Morning.” You said.

“Morning.”

“Your mom is here, she came in around 3 this morning. She said it was okay for me to stay. Your girlfriend is here too, she is sleeping on the couch.” You said.

“Thank you,” I said.

“For what?”

“For not leaving me alone yesterday. You could have, you could have walked away for good. But you didn’t. Thank you.”

You held me tighter. For while we were silent.

I knew you were thinking of what to say. There was so much left unsaid between us, so much that didn’t need to be said and so much that did.

“I still love you,” I said.

“I know.” You said.

I turned in your arms to face you, I wanted to look into those ocean blue eyes.

“I’m sorry I was so horrible to you. For everything.” I said.

“I know.”

“No, you don’t know. The last thing I ever wanted you to feel was that I was controlling you. You have to know that, you have to know that I never intended to hurt you like that.”

“It’s so much more than that Zara. The pain goes so much deeper than that.” You said.

My heart ached to hear you say that. I wanted to take all your pain away and bare the entire load for you.

“Why wasn’t I ever enough for you?” you asked.

That question caught me off guard. It confused me. I didn’t quite know what you were asking. Were you asking why I cheated? Why I couldn’t stay faithful to you? Were you asking why I couldn’t leave Blythe for you? Or maybe you were asking why I couldn’t just live for you, why I hurt myself. Maybe you were asking all of the above.

The truth was I didn’t have the answer. Not a real one at least. The answer I had was a cop-out. An excuse for everything. The void in me made me do it. The void controlled me, but that wasn’t a good answer nor was it what you wanted to hear. I don’t think anyone will ever be enough, I am just broken.

“I don’t know,” I answered you.

I saw your eyes water and I knew I said the wrong thing.

“I’m working on it, working on me,” I added.

“Are you?” you asked skeptic.

“I am. Really. I am not going to lie, I still have a long ways to go. But I am working on it.”

“Okay.” You smiled.

“Don’t go.” I found myself saying.

I knew the moment was about to end and you were about to go back to that prison. You were about to leave me again.

“Shh, it’s okay. I’ll be back. We can work on it together. You and me we are still in this together. Still two idiots in love. It might be a while before we are in a good place again but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to see you. How about we start off slow and just be friends?”

I felt warm inside to hear that you still loved me. That you still remembered all that I had said. I was also happy to hear that you didn’t want me to be just anyone else, you wanted me in your life. Even though I am still highly toxic. You wanted to help me grow.

I want to help you heal.

“Okay, I would really like that,” I said.

You sat up and smiled at me before kissing me on the cheek.

I kissed you on the forehead. Then we embraced. I listened to your steady heartbeat and let it calm me. I breathed in lung fulls of your scent savoring it because who knows when the next time I’ll be able to hold you like this will be.

Holding you felt right. It felt like that is where I needed to be. When you started to pull away I held you tighter. I never wanted to let go. I never wanted to have to be without you ever again. I want to be better for you. I want to be everything you need. But right now I can’t even be what I need. Right now you and I can’t be together and having to accept that all over was hard.

“I shouldn’t have said those awful things to you. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” You buried your head deeper into my chest.

“It’s okay, I deserved them. I made you feel that way, it’s my fault.”

“No. I was just scared, I didn’t know what to do. I never wanted to hurt you like that. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.”

We finally pulled apart and I got to look into those eyes one more time. You leaned into me and I froze as your lips just barely touched mine. An electric charge ran throughout my entire body. My lips tingled at the thought that you might kiss me. My insides fluttered around and I couldn’t think clearly.

I kissed you first. I let my lips take the lead as I pushed into you and kissed you. I felt you shudder under my touch as I grabbed your hand and interlocked our fingers. It took a second, a very long painful second, but you finally kissed me back.

Everything inside of me jumped for joy. It was like a feather was tickling all of my insides. My skin tingled as your hand moved to cup my face. Everywhere you touched me felt alive and electrifying.

When we broke apart we were both breathless. I know you felt what I felt. I know you were just as captivated as I was. I could see it in your eyes. Even after everything we still belonged to each other.

It was like all reason went out the window. Forgotten was everything that was just said about being friends. All that mattered at that moment was that you were in front of me, and I was in front of you. Our lips collided again.

I pulled you into me and wrapped my arms around you. Too much time had passed since I last did that to you. You slowly traced your fingers up my back. Your delicate touch made me shiver. I felt your tongue slide across my lower lip, begging for permission to be let in. I happily obliged.

Each flick of your tongue in my mouth was like a white-hot flash of passion. My heart skipped a beat every time your lips moved against each other. I was getting worked up, squirming under your touch.

“Mmm.” You moaned into my mouth.

I took in a sharp breath as I tried to remain composed. But hearing your voice like that almost made me lose it. I let my hands travel up the back of your shirt and feel your warm silky skin. Then your hands finally found my head and began to run through my hair.

“Uhh…” I moaned into you.

I felt you shudder at the sound of my voice.

I moved my lips to your neck, I could feel your pulsing heart through your skin. Feel how fast it was beating. How fast I made it beat. You took in breaths in big gulps as if you had just emerged to the surface of the ocean and had been holding your breath for a very long time. I knew exactly how you felt.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted you, I needed you. I had to have you. I eased you back down onto the bed and I kissed my way up your jawline back to your lips. My hands roamed the inside of your shirt I let them tease your breast.

“ah…” you mewed as I slowly slid your shirt up.

You jolted under my touch as if you had already orgasmed and everything was too sensitive. Every touch was too much and your body shook beneath me. ready for more, eager to go on. I licked my way up your stomach and to your breast.

“Zara.” You moaned my name.

“Mmm,” I moaned into your skin.

“Ah!” you jolted as I sucked your nipple into my mouth.

I didn’t care that there were other people in the house. I didn’t care that we weren’t supposed to be doing this. I didn’t care that you were my stepsister. All that mattered at that moment was that you knew how much I loved you.

I threw my own shirt off and grabbed your pants, quickly unbuttoning them. I didn’t even get a chance to slide them off before you stopped me.

“Wait, we shouldn’t,” you said trying to catch your breath.

I let go of your pants and quickly reconnected our lips. Your hands roamed my stomach, squeezing my hips. I know you wanted more, your whole body cried out to me. I wanted to answer those cries. I wanted to make you feel good.

“Please,” I begged into your mouth.

“N-no, we shouldn’t. Mmm. Do that… ah! Stop it.” You held back your moans as I ran my hands up and down your thighs, slowly getting closer to that heavenly area.

“Rosey, please.” I broke from your lips and moaned into your neck.

“No, we aren’t ready for that yet.” You pushed me off and sat up.

Your chest was rising and falling rapidly, your skin covered in a deep blush. You looked so beautiful.

“I love you,” I said.

“Zara, please. Not yet, we aren’t there yet. We still need time to recover and heal.”

I sighed and rested my head on your shoulder. You rubbed my back. I kissed your shoulder softly, wrapping my arms around you. You sighed into me and rested your head on my own shoulder. I could hear your heart still racing, feel it pulsing through your skin. I wonder if you could hear mine.

I kissed my way up your neck all the way to your ear. You sighed in pleasure, your hands sliding lower on my back, running up and down my sides. You pulled back and I just kissed you again. You kissed back.