The next day, I woke up slowly. I felt heavy, and cold, and was shivering and I didn`t want to move. But I opened my eyes anyway, because Koh was holding me rather tightly, almost tight enough to hurt, but not quite…maybe trying to keep me warm? Shi was talking to him. “…She needs more blood, Kohriko.” She? Me? I looked up at Shi, rubbed the sleep out of my eyes with effort because my arms felt heavy, and protested, “Koh`s…Koh`s blood made me sick last time.” So therefore I couldn`t drink more.
Koh and Shi both looked at me. You need food. Koh bit his wrist, and Shi was gentle when he explained, “That should be one time only, Little One. Have you noticed that Kohriko`s blood helps you feel warm and full? It will help.” It…had helped before. And it always smelled good, and made me want to drink it, even though blood wasn`t food. And I was cold right now, but…but…it had made me sick last time!
“…Mother said that people get sick when they drink blood…and, and I got sick last time!” “Humans, yes. You`ve had Kohriko`s blood several times now, little one. Other than that once, have you gotten sick when drinking Kohriko`s blood?” Slowly I shook my head. No, just one time. “Trust me, Little One. Trust Kohriko.” Shi said gently. “It will make you warm this time, not sick.” I studied him for a long moment while I shivered. I looked at Koh—I did trust Koh--and he held out his wrist. He…trusted Shi…so I would too. Drinking blood was an odd thing to do, but…it did make me warmer.
When I smelled Koh`s blood my stomach growled, and I let him put his wrist to my mouth, reaching up to hold it as well. Koh sighed a little, seeming relieved, and smoothed my hair, fingers gentle, a little caress. His blood did taste good, and though I was a little wary, my stomach didn`t start hurting again, so that was all right. Shi had been right. It didn’t hurt this time. Why had it hurt that once then…?
And I did stop shivering as I drank. As soon as I had completely stopped shivering, I pulled away. Koh gently wiped the blood off my lips for me. Once he had, I looked at Shi. I had a question, and he had said that he would answer my questions. “…why…why does Koh`s blood make me warmer?” Shi considered my question.
“Your body needs it.” Shi replied after a moment. Me? But why? Humans didn`t drink blood…I tilted my head and kept looking at him, waiting. Was he going to say more? “Little One, when you found Koh, was he the same as now?” I didn`t know why he had changed the subject, but I nodded. And then shook my head as I remembered. “…he was insub…insubstantial.” I had never actually said that word out loud before, I didn`t think. “And he accidentally hurt me.” I looked at Koh, remembering that. But it had been an accident. Koh smoothed my hair gently.
Shi nodded. “I think, Little One, when he accidentally hurt you, Kohriko started changing you into a demon, so that you would be like him—like us. Humans live much shorter lives than demons, so Kohriko was worried. And when you got sick because you drank his blood, right after I came, it was completed, turning you into a demon.” I looked at him. …What? That…Why? What?! Humans could be changed into demons? Mother had never mentioned that to me! Nor had any of the books I had ever read! I…I…
I gripped Koh`s arm and looked up at him. Was that why he kept insisting that vegetables weren`t food? Because he`d…because he`d changed me into a…a…demon? Like him? But…but… Shhh. Koh touched my cheek gently, and something about his expression was familiar. “…In my dream, you were telling me about what was and wasn`t food…” I remembered now. “Is..is that why? But…but…why did you do something like that?!”
Shhhh. Koh pulled my head against his chest, trying to soothe me because I was upset. And even though it was him I was upset with, I clung to him. I…I had been changed into a demon? It had hurt, that one time. But Shi had said it would only be that one time for sure, and that was all? Because that had been the…the change? “Forgive him, Little One.” Shi said gently, voice soft and soothing. “Something went wrong when Kohriko was summoned here, and he doesn`t have all of his memories.” I remembered that Koh, in that first dream, barely remembered where he came from. Maybe…maybe they really were true dreams? I had never had true dreams before, though Mother had told me about them, and sometimes had them herself.
“That`s why he acts like he does,” Shi continued gently. “He didn`t mean to hurt you.” Koh had said that too, in the first dream. “Or change you, I think, but what`s done is done. As you are a demon now as well, it means that you also need blood. Does it not smell or taste good?” I wasn`t sure whether to nod or shake my head at that. Yes, it tasted good, or no, it didn`t taste not good? but I did reply, since he had answered my questions. And…and if I was different now, I needed information. Mother had always told me that if something suddenly changed I should gather information. What…what did being a demon mean? I didn`t feel different than before... “…It…it smells sweet.” I replied. Shi smiled. “It should. It smells sweet to you because your body needs it. And it will help you.” My head spun with all the new information. I…I was a demon now? How…? Did that mean that I was exactly like Koh and Shi? Or different, because they`d always been demons and I hadn`t always been one? I didn`t know what to think about this.
Koh cuddled me close, and I put my arms around him too, shivering a little because it was still cold outside, even if I wasn`t as cold now. “You don`t have to get used to everything right away, Little One,” Shi assured me gently, calmly. “As I told Kohriko when I first arrived here, vegetables will not harm us, so you can still eat them if you want to. Take your time.” I nodded, relieved. It would make me feel better to have something familiar to eat. And even though they said that I was a demon now, I wasn`t sure if just blood would be enough. What if someone changed into a demon was different than a regular demon? Since Koh and Shi had always been demons, would they even know? I should ask…but I didn`t want to ask now. Next time. Once I got used to the fact that I was a demon now.
That night I had another dream with Koh in it. He looked a little regretful as, in the dream, he reached out and touched my cheek gently. “I apologize,” he said. “I didn`t realize at first that you weren`t also a demon, and by the time I had, it was better to finish your change rather than try to regress it.” I studied him surprised, since dream or not, this was the first time that he`d apologized. When he`d hurt me, he had said he hadn’t meant to, but hadn`t actually apologized. …He did look like he really meant it—even in the few dreams I`d had with him in them, I had noticed that in the dreams he had a lot more expressions than when we were awake. I nodded and sighed a little. “I…I don`t know what to think about that yet” I told him. He nodded a little, understanding. He always understood more in the dreams than when we were awake. “I understand.” He said. “Take your time.” That was what Shi had said too…
“…Mother told me some about demons,” I told him the same thing I`d told Shi. “But…it…it was a long time ago, so I don`t remember all of it.” Koh had smiled at that. “That`s all right. Shi and I will teach you. And Shi will be happy if you tell him what you do remember. He likes information.” Mother had liked information too. And Shi was like mother. I nodded.
When I woke up, I did remember that Koh had said that. I watched Shi a bit that morning, trying to decide whether or not to just come out and talk to him. Shi was halfway across the clearing, pulling sticks from a tree branch for tonight`s fire. Koh was up, pacing the rim of the ravine again, so I had been by myself organizing the vegetables, just for something to do. Shi noticed me watching him. “Is something wrong, little one?” he asked gently. I had yet to hear him be not gentle. Shi reminded me of mother, other than the slightly odd clothes and that he was a man and a demon. More than Koh did anyway. I half shook my head, then said, “Koh said…he said you liked information.” Shi glanced up at the person in question, who had looked down at us when we`d started talking.
“Did he?” Shi asked, sounding thoughtful, and coming a little closer, to sit a few feet away from me, though not too close. He was always careful about that, not to go closer than he thought I wanted him to be, but if I tried to talk to him, he would stop whatever he was doing and come close enough that I knew I had his full attention. Like mother had done. I nodded. “In—in my dream. I…I never had the power of true-dreaming like…like mother did, but…but sometimes I dream about Koh.” Shi`s expression changed to thoughtful now, even though it hadn`t changed before, as he considered my words. “I see. You and Kohriko are connected, Little One, so even if you don`t `true-dream` about anything else, trust the dreams with Kohriko. Those are real, and it really is Kohriko talking to you.”
I considered that for a moment. The dreams were real! And…Koh and I were connected? I liked that idea, because that meant that we wouldn`t have to be apart. Mother had always said that she and I were connected by a mother-daughter bond, and that if you were connected, that connection never really went away, no matter what. I wondered if the bond between Koh and I had a name? But Shi hadn`t used one just now, so perhaps not. That was all right. As long as there was a connection. I didn`t want to be alone again. And if we had a connection, it was less likely that I would be, probably. As long as Koh didn`t die. But he was a demon, so why would he?
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