I thought she wasn't hurting me because I thought I had more control over her I thought I knew how to shut her out I thought I wasn't listening to her but all this time she was silently causing pain when I thought she wasn't hurting me

I thought she wasn't hurting me because I thought I didn't let her anymore I thought I had control over her I thought I could feel when my anxiety was trying to take control but all this time she was silently causing me pain and I didn't know into that pain became physical I had to go to the emergency room because I was having chest pain it felt like something was stabbing me in the chest they gave me a bunch of tests and diagnosed me with costochondritis that's where the cartilage of your rib cage gets inflamed and I've been diagnosed with this once before this condition is the whole reason I found out I had anxiety in the first place and to know that I have this again I feel like I hit a low because I thought she wasn't hurting me but maybe I was just trying to fool myself into believing I had control that I was okay for once that I wasn't in a war in my mind it sucks because I thought she wasn't hurting me