I couldn’t believe I actually went to school that next morning. Leaving my room for once in over a week seemed torturous.
I was so traumatized that my bedroom acted as my only safe place. I didn’t trust anyone like I did before. I couldn’t smile like I used to. I was an empty shell of who I once was.
And of course, as soon as I walked to my class, all of my classmates crowded me.
“Where have you been?!”
“Are you okay? You’ve been gone for a week!”
“Were you sick or something?”
Although they meant well, I couldn’t help but feel aggravated. Then, past the crowd I saw Campbell walking by herself. I missed her so much.
I ignored my worried peers and shoved through them all to get to her. Even though it was rude of me to do that; I didn’t care. In that moment Campbell was my only priority. Nothing could stop me.
As soon as she noticed me, I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly against me. I didn’t want to let her go. I just wanted to hold her as long as I could. I felt even more amazing when she hugged me back. It was enough to make me forget about my problems for a moment.
“I missed you so much,” Campbell cried into my chest.
I placed my hand on the back of her head and ran my fingers through her hair.
“I missed you too. I’m sorry for scaring you.”
“I tried calling you so many times...” Campbell cried even harder.
I started to cry as well, “I know and I’m sorry I didn’t answer... please don’t hate me.”
“Where were you?”
My heart stopped. I didn’t know how to answer. I didn’t want to lie to her but I didn’t want to tell her about my problems.
“I was sick...”
Campbell pulled away from me and asked, “are you sure?”
I nodded hoping she would believe me.
Campbell sighed, “are you all better now?”
“Yes.” I hated myself for lying to her. I felt a heavy pit at the bottom of my stomach and it made me want to throw up. That’s how badly I felt for lying to her. I felt like I wasn’t her real friend anymore.
Eventually, the bell rung and we walked to class together.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You’re acting really strange today.” Campbell asked as we reached our classroom.
“Campbell, I said I’m fine.”
Campbell looked away, I could see that I upset her. I tried to reach for her hand but she pulled away.
I opened my mouth to speak but Campbell walked passed me and into the classroom.
I walked in after her and she wouldn’t look at me. I didn’t mean to be rude to her.
Over the course of the class, I couldn’t concentrate at all. All I could think about was how guilty I felt for making her sad. It wasn’t her fault that I was in a terrible mood.
Class was ending soon and eventually it would be lunch time. I quickly ripped out a piece of paper from my notebook and scribbled on it.
“Will you sit with me at lunch?”
I dropped the note on Campbell’s desk.
A few minutes passed and I watched her gently lift up the note.
She read it carefully before taking her pencil and wrote a response.
It wasn’t long before the note was back on my desk.
I pulled it toward me and I was pleasantly surprised by her answer.
“Yes. I’d love to.”
After class we walked with one another to the cafeteria. Things were going great. Campbell was smiling ear to ear. However, I couldn’t bring myself to eat any food. And Campbell didn’t understand why.
“I’m not hungry.” I tried to lie.
Campbell folded her arms together and smirked, “you’re lying. There’s no way a bottomless pit like you isn’t hungry.”
Campbell got up from the table and walked to the snack bar.
I groaned as I gave myself a facepalm. I knew what she was up to but I didn’t want to eat.
Campbell happily came back with a plastic wrapped treat in her hands.
Campbell placed it in front of me.
“Behold! Best sugar cookie a kid can buy!” Campbell cheered in hopes of making me happy.
Although, looking at the cookie only made me feel sick.
“No, thank you. I appreciate you doing that for me though.” I slowly pushed the cookie away from me.
Before Campbell could say anything, the bell rang. I quickly got up from my seat and tried to walk past her but she grabbed onto my hand.
“What’s wrong with you!? You never tell me what’s bothering you! I thought we were best friends but I guess I was wrong...”
Campbell let go of my hand and tried to walk away. I felt a rage that I never felt before. Her words felt like shards of glass digging deep into my skin.
“You know what?! Don’t talk to me anymore! I’m tired of you acting like such a crybaby!”
But I felt even worse after letting those terrible words slip out of my mouth.
Campbell stared at me with pure sadness. Everyone was staring at us. I felt humiliated. I could only imagine how badly Campbell felt. I quickly tried to apologize for what I said.
“Campbell, I’m sorry I-“ I tried to speak but Campbell cut me off.
“No! Don’t fucking talk to me anymore!” Campbell screamed at me. I tried to reach out to her but she smacked my hand away.
Afterward, Campbell slowly walked away. I noticed her trembling at our classmates laughter. I wanted to scream at them to get them to stop but it was too late. I caused this mess and I was about to face the consequences.
It wasn’t long before Campbell ran out of the cafeteria. Her face was drenched in tears. It was all my fault.
Once she fled, everyone started to laugh at us. I soon fled too. I wanted to find her and make things right between us. I didn’t mean to say those words. I didn’t know what came over me.
I ran out of the lunchroom and I searched all over the place for her. But it was no use. She was gone. And I didn’t know if we’d be able to move on from this.
It was hopeless. I fucked up and I couldn’t apologize for my mistakes this time. I’m sorry can only do so much until you really fuck up. Worst of all, you lose the person most important to you.