Dear Rosey,

I couldn’t move out of bed for two days. For two reasons, one I was beaten to a pulp and extremely sore. Two, I was sad. I once again felt helpless. What could I do to help Casta? I’m just some stupid teenager. Or am I?

On the night of my second day of solitude, I looked up ways for Casta to claim her independence from him. I found out she needs these things first,

1. A steady income.

2. A bank account.

3. A place to stay/live.

Or

1. She needs to be married.

2. She needs to be 18.

3. Both parents need to be deceased.

If she wants to get married she needs parental consent since she isn’t 18. Which let’s face it, is never going to happen. And yes I did look up if it was legal for her to marry me just to help get her out of that situation. Since that option isn’t going to pan out, she needs a job.

“Mom, can I talk to you? Like seriously for a moment.” I said walking into her room.

It was around 10ish in the morning and she was still half asleep. She usually doesn’t get up until around 11.

“What is it baby girl?” she sighed and scooted over in the bed so I could lay next to her.

“It’s about Casta.” I climbed in next to her.

“Okay.”

“I know you have it hard enough with me living here, but I can’t bear the thought of her staying there. Please, is it possible for her to live here? We will both get a job, we can help out with the bills.”

She sighed and wrapped her arms around me.

“Please mom, I’ll do anything. We can’t let her stay there.”

“You do realize we have to get child protective services involved. Which could, in turn, backfire on you. They won’t just investigate her and her father, they will have to investigate us as well. What do you think they will do when they see you are living here even though your father has sole custody? They will get him involved. And I think he might make you move back just to save face, he wouldn’t want what you did to get out. Not to mention Casta’s other family members might get involved. It will get very messy.”

“What do we do? I can’t—What he did to me, he does to her every day. He’s hurting her.” I felt my eyes water.

“I know baby, I know. Shh. Shh. Shh. I hate to say it, but she’s stuck until she turns 18.” She rubbed my arm.

“No. There has to be a way. She doesn’t even turn 18 until December.”

“I wish there was. We can still try, but if we do, I just want you to know what might happen. At worst, you’ll have to go back to him. And your relationship with Rosey might get out. People frown on that stuff. At best, we help Casta and she moves in, we all live happily ever after. But the chances of that happening are very low.”

“Do you think it’s worth it?”

“I think there are a lot of other factors we have to consider. They will see our house isn’t that big, that my income might not be able to support two kids. They will see all sorts of things that we might not necessarily want them to see. Including your medical issues.”

“I hate feeling helpless.” I let my tears fall.

“There might be another way.” She said.

“What?”

“Help her run away. She can stay here, I doubt that bastard will call the police. She can run away and stay here, but you two would have to stay away from that house at all cost. We can’t have him finding out where she would be staying.”

“You would be okay with that?” I turned to look at her.

“She has been so kind to you, and I’ll admit I might be slightly attached to her now. She is more than welcome here.”

I smiled at her and embraced her in a hug.

“It will be okay baby, we are going to help her one way or another.”

“Thank you.”

So with that settled, I came up with a plan. Casta’s dad is always home, he doesn’t work. He sucks the system dry for every cent and then some. The only times he leaves the house is to get more beer, to sell off his food stamps, and to deposit his social security check.

What would he do if he thought the government found about his food stamp scam? I looked up his number in the phone book and wrote out a script of what I was going to say. I needed him out of the house. Then I went to the hangout. I could see their house from there so it would be easy to watch and see if he left.

I blocked my number so he wouldn’t be able to see it, not that it mattered I have a prepaid phone and could easily get another one. Then I called him.

“Who is this?” he demanded as soon as he answered.

“Hi, is this Mr. Ramon?”

“Who’s asking?”

“This is the department of health and human services. We are calling in regard to Mr. Roman’s current plan. Are you Mr. Ramon?”

“Yeah? What’s this about?”

“Yes, we have run into some issues regarding your current levels of aid. I am sorry to inform you that we will be canceling your current plan due to some paperwork issues. We have some things on our end that just don’t add up. If you could come by the office today before we close I am sure we can clear it all up and you can go back to your life. If not I am afraid there is nothing I can do.”

He proceeded to curse me out for five minutes.

“Mr. Ramon if you do not come to the office then I can not help you. The nature of this issue is too sensitive to discuss over the phone. I would be more than happy to help you in person.”

“What time do y’all fucking close?” he spat over the line.

“Our offices close at 5 o’clock.”

“I’ll be there, don’t you fucking cancel anything.”

“Okay, I’ll just put your file on hold until we---” he hung up on me.

I smirked to myself. Maybe I should go into the business of customer service. I think I am a natural. I laid low in the field and waited for him to leave. In about 15 minutes he came storming out and got into his shabby car. Slamming the door shut. Then he peeled out and drove off.

I ran over to the house.

“Casta, Casta open up.” I banged on the door.

“Zara? What are you doing here?” she hissed.

“I’m sorry sir, but If you don’t come to our office I can’t help you,” I said in my peppy phone operator voice.

“That was you!”

“I have come to bust my fair lady out. Come on, I’m getting you out of here.” I let myself in.

“Zara I can’t he’ll kill me.” she followed me to her room.

“No, he won’t because you are running away. My mom said you can live with us.” I walked into her room.

I gasped at the sight of it. All over her walls were hand-drawn sketches of me. They were beautiful.

“I’m sorry, that’s creepy. Oh my god, I can’t believe you are seeing this.” She quickly started ripping the sketches off the wall.

“They are beautiful,” I said in awe.

“Really?” she asked, her face covered in blush.

“Casta, how long have you been drawing me?”

“Since I met you in that mall bathroom. I couldn’t get you out of my head.” She admitted sheepishly.

“I feel honored, I’m not even as pretty as you make me out to be.” I held one in my hands.

“Yes you are, you are even more beautiful. I can’t ever fully capture your beauty.”

I looked up at her and she was giving me a soft smile. I smiled back.

“But seriously, we need to focus. I need you out of here before he comes back.” I snapped out of it and looked for a bag.

“Are you sure about this?” She quickly collected the art.

“I’m not leaving without you.”

“I would kiss you if you didn’t have stitches in your lips.” She said.

“Kisses later, packing now.” I found a bag.

We didn’t talk much after that, racing against the clock to get out of there. I knew it would take him about 20 minutes to get to the office, 10 to cuss everyone out once he got there and then 15 to get back. If all went well. Still not a lot of time.

She collected all her art stuff and I shoved clothes into bags. In the end, I had to carry three bags of clothes, she carried two bags of random stuff. We bolted out of there at the 30-minute mark. We ran to my house as if we were being chased by the police.

I saw him turn onto the street and tackled Casta to the ground, we ducked into Riley’s garage, which is always open and waited for his car to pass. Once he pulled up and parked, I watched him go into the house.

“Go, go, go!” I hissed shoving Casta towards my house.

She ran across the street and I did the same. We busted into my house as if Godzilla was outside. We slammed the door behind us, our blood pumping, our hearts racing. We did it, I saved her.

I dropped the bags on the floor and embraced her into a hug. She just held me.

“I love you.” She said.

“I love you too.” I held her tightly.

“Oh, my babies come here.” Mom joined the hug.

Casta started crying. She held us tightly. It was then that I realized that Casta is always sad, that’s why she hates when people are sad around her. She is always holding it in, trying to act “normal”. Standing in our living room having just escaped hell, she finally let it all out.

She was covered in fresh bruises and cuts. She looked like she had just been hit by a car. Half her face was severely swollen, and her left eye was so swollen she couldn’t even open it. I wish I could make him feel all that he did to her. I’ll kill him if he ever touches her again.

My mom moved her desk into her room and I moved all of Casta’s stuff into mine. Casta laid with me on the futon, her crying having tried her out. She fell asleep. I just held her and ran my thumb softly across her cheek as I watched her sleep.

Something in me changed. Something changed fundamentally. I realized how precious life really is. I now know how treasured it truly is. For the first time ever I want to live. I want to live and always be there to protect her no matter what. I want her to live. I want to be friends forever.

Something changed that day.

All this time I’ve been telling myself that I was never going to be enough for anyone. That I was nothing, worthless, the world would be better without me. I saw then how wrong I was. I saw that if I had killed myself Casta and I would have never met. She would still be stuck there. Still be his slave. I was enough for someone.

I was enough for her. I was something to her. I was her friend, her hero, her protector. Without me, the world might have also lost her. We are dependent on each other, our lives intertwined. Destiny brought me here for a reason. All that I went through was so that I could wind up here, holding her in my arms.

I used to give up so easily. But she showed me how to be strong. She showed me how to get back up and keep going after being knocked down. She showed me that even in the darkest of times there is always a bright side.

“Hey, how is she?” mom whispered, she was getting ready to leave for work.

“She’s sleeping,” I said.

“Zara can I tell you something.” She walked closer.

“What?”

“I know you are still trying to figure things out between everyone. But sometimes we don’t always want what we need. Sometimes we let things go when we should have held on tighter. Sometimes the right person comes along and we are too busy looking behind us to see them. Do you get what I am saying?”

I looked to Casta’s sleeping form, she looked so peaceful in my arms.

I nodded to myself before looking back at her.

“Yes,” I said.

“Take it from me, don’t let this one go. You may not see it now, but I can see just how perfect you are for each other. Someday soon you’ll see it too.”

“I’ll do my best to try,” I said.

“That’s all I can ask. I have to go to work now, Stay safe, don’t leave this house unless you have to. And give her some of your pills to help her swelling go down. Also, throw in a load for me please.”

“Okay, I will.”

“I’m off then.” She smiled and turned to leave.

“Mom,” I called after her.

She looked at me.

“I love you,” I said.

“I love you too.” She smiled, then she left.

Everyone says Casta and I belong together, and maybe they are right. Maybe I am too scared to admit the truth. Too afraid I’ll mess this up. I truly believe Casta is my soul mate. When I am near her I feel like I am a little more complete than I was before. Like a part of me has been reunited with the rest. The void is still there, but when she is near it is not as big as it was.

Rosey after everything that happened between us I didn’t think I would ever laugh or feel anything but pain and sadness ever again. It was Casta who made me laugh, Casta who brought a smile back to my face. She saved me. both literally and figuratively.

I tried to kill myself again. I tried to hang myself. She had seen that I had just moved in, she remembered me from the mall. She wanted to stop by and say hi. I was home alone and tied a sheet to the living room ceiling fan. I moved the table under it and stood on top. Tied the sheet around my neck, she saw me through the window.

She ran in and when I jumped, she caught me. She didn’t let me fall. She saved my life. Afterward, she held me as I cried, and never left my side since. I owe everything to her. Holding her in my arms then, I felt a warmness spread inside of me.

It was different from anything I have ever felt with you or Blythe. It wasn’t a spark or a magical burst in me. It was soft and warm, like a kindling fire. It wasn’t a full blaze yet, nor was it enough to make me forget about you or Blythe. But it was something, something different. Something scary.

I am scared that I will really fall in love with her. Scared that I will mess everything up again.

I don't love her, but I want to.