Willem couldn't help but to stare in awe as Gillian struck up the conversation with Lukas and guided him away from where the others were standing. He raised an eyebrow as he glanced over at Mathias who shrugged and returned his bewildered expression. Apparently this was something unusual. Willem wouldn't have thought that Lukas would have been so easily sidetracked.

A chuckle behind him caused him to glance over his shoulder to see Christopher cleaning his glasses on his shirt. “For all of his arrogance and smug demeanor, Gillian is quite charismatic and charming when he wants to express it.”

“Except for with women,” Antonio interjected with a laugh, patting Christopher on the back.

“Oui, oui. Though he does have a maiden who has stolen his heart,” Christopher said dramatically, pressing his hand against his own chest and making a swooning motion.

Mathias seemed to perk up a bit as the conversation drifted. “Yeah? How did that happen? I thought that he was afraid on women. Like, some sort of really bad phobia or that?”

Willem let out a silent breath and shook his head. “Not to interrupt anything, but I need to go,” he said, shifting his duffel bag onto his shoulder. He was about to turn and leave when he noticed Mathias's smile fading.

“Wait, where are you going? I thought we were going to study…?” Mathias trailed off, raising an eyebrow as his expression began to turn into one of concern.

It was then that Willem knew that Mathias was right. They had made plans for them to end up studying together and having pizza delivered to their dorm. He had completely forgotten about it with as much as he had been focusing solely on getting through the day and being able to go back to the art studio and paint again. It wasn't like him to end up forgetting, and with the way that Willem hesitated, he knew that Mathias could tell.

Willem could see it in the way Mathias seemed to deflate, his shoulders slumping as he ran a hand through his hair. It made Willem immediately feel guilty and want to reach out and pull Mathias into a hug. He knew he couldn't bring himself to do that though. Especially not in front of the other people that were present. Not when his emotions were already as unstable as they were.

“I was thinking of going to the art studio to paint,” Willem explained, rubbing the side of his face tiredly.

“I'll go with you,” Mathias responded immediately without so much as a second thought.

It made Willem curious as to why he seemed to be so desperate to stay away from Lukas. Maybe things between them weren't as good as Mathias had been acting like they were today? But then what other reason could Mathias have for being so happy and less stressed out than he had been? The only possibility was that things were getting better between them, right?

“You know you don't have to,” Willem said gently, making Mathias smile.

“I know, but I want to. Besides, we were planning on spending our time together anyways. It doesn't matter if it's in the art studio or the dorm,” Mathias reassured him, squeezing Willem's shoulder with a grin.

Willem stared into Mathias's eyes for a long moment, searching. He knew that last night was probably still affecting Mathias more than he was letting on. A big reason he was even coming with Willem probably had to do with the fact of not wanting him to end up passing out in the art room again and cause a repeat of the previous night. Willem could always try to reassure Mathias that he would make sure that his phone was charged and that he wouldn't end up falling asleep again. However, he knew that the only thing that would actually relieve any of Mathias's worries or fears was if he was physically there with him.

He sighed. “Yeah, okay. Let's go,” Willem relented, making Mathias beam.

“Alright, let's go,” he said, patting Willem's back before turning to Antonio and Christopher and waving at them. “We'll see you guys later.”

Honestly, it felt a little weird to Willem that the pair had been waiting nearby for them to finish talking and head off before they went on their own way as well. Were they eavesdropping? Not that Willem could say that it could even be considered eavesdropping when they were right there and had been talking with the rest of the group before everyone started splitting off on their own. He felt too tired to figure it out.

Waving them off, Willem walked with Mathias to the art studio, keeping a watchful eye on his friend. The way that there seemed to be a lightness to his step as he walked, how he seemed to be breathing easier… The way that his hair looked soft and silky in the sunlight…

“--Ned? Earth to Ned?” Mathias waved his hand in front of his face.

“Huh?” Willem blinked, scrunching his nose up. “What is it?”

“I was asking if you still wanted to get pizza or if we should get Asian instead. I have been having cravings for egg rolls for a while,” Mathias said, mussing up his hair with a shake of his head. Raising an eyebrow, he turned toward Willem. “Are you okay? You've been zoning out quite a bit today, it's seemed. If you're tired, we could always just head back to the dorm,” he suggested as Willem reached for the door and held it open.

He shook his head, fighting down the blush that threatened to creep its way up his neck. He really hoped that he hadn't been caught staring. “Regardless of whether I'm tired or not, I still have projects to finish, and so do you,” Willem pointed out.

Mathias's expression softened, placing his hand on Willem's arm as they stopped outside the art room that Willem had used the night before. “Are you okay though?”

Pausing, Willem gave a small shrug, ignoring the way that his pulse quickened with the way that Mathias looked at him. “It's not like I exactly slept all that well. I’ve been feeling pretty much like a zombie all day,” he explained. It wasn’t a lie. It wasn’t the entire truth either though. There was no way that he would be able to tell Mathias everything that was bothering him, about all of his feelings, about how much he hated and didn’t trust Lukas… Mathias didn’t need him to end up ruining a relationship that he was already struggling to keep together. “Asian sounds good, by the way,” Willem added, diverting the conversation when it looked like Mathias was about to protest.

He smiled as Willem pushed open the door. “Alright. Asian it is. I’ll put in an order for delivery. What do you want to eat?” Mathias asked, following him into the room and plopping down at one of the tables with his backpack.

“Just surprise me. You know I’ll eat anything that isn’t spicy,” Willem said, placing his own bag down before gathering up all of the art supplies he had been using previously. Picking up a blank canvas and an easel, he sat across from Mathias at the table as the other pulled out his own sketch pad that he placed on the table before scrolling through his phone.

The idea of surprising Willem seemed to be genuinely making Mathias happy. Willem couldn’t understand why though. At the same time, perhaps that was just part of their rapport. It certainly wasn’t the first time that Mathias had gone out of his way to do something special for Willem, though it had been quite a few years since the last time that Willem could remember. After all, Mathias had a boyfriend to think of, much to Willem’s bitter regret.

“What are you working on?” Willem asked, nodding to the sketch pad whenever Mathias had put his phone down.

Mathias just shook his head with a sigh. “It’s nothing much. I’m just trying to work on a blueprint concept design for a cottage. Something cozy.” He chuckled, running a hand through his hair. “Something that I wish I’d actually be able to build someday, maybe…” Mathias sighed as he picked up one of his pencils and sketched a few lines across the paper. “Don’t you think that it would be nice to just be able to disappear somewhere? Have a place where nobody would be able to find you? This world is so...messed up, and there’s so many terrible people in it, and society is so corrupted… Sometimes I wish that it would all just disappear.” He looked over at Willem with a wry smile and a shrug before his expression became more serious, his eyes dark. “If you had the chance to just run away and disappear, to never have to look back and never have to deal with people again, would you take that chance?”

Willem paused in his painting, keeping his eyes firmly on the painting in front of him and the streaks of blue that filled the canvas. The ability to live a life without worry… The ability to just disappear off the face of the earth… Could he ever see himself doing that? He wasn’t certain. He wasn’t even sure why Mathias was bringing any of this up now. Maybe something bad did happen between him and Lukas, and now he was trying to find a way out of it. Maybe this was Mathias’s cry for help.

As much as Willem wanted to believe that, he would be a fool to think that Mathias would ever actually leave Lukas. The two had been together for so long already, and he was still constantly trying to fix any problems that came up between them. It made Willem’s heart feel shattered all over again just thinking of the love that the two of them must share for Mathias to be willing to go to such lengths to keep them together.

Sighing, Willem ran his free hand back through his hair. “I don’t know… Maybe if things ever got bad enough, I might consider it. I’d feel shitty for abandoning my siblings and mother though. Ma already had a husband who just disappeared in the middle of the night. She doesn’t need her son to end up doing the same…” He glanced over, noticing the way that Mathias grimaced.

“That’s right…” Mathias mumbled, tapping his pencil against his drawing pad in a slow beat. “I’d forgotten that your father left. Maybe I shouldn’t have--”

“It’s fine, Matt. Really,” Willem said, leaning against the back of his chair. “You don’t have to apologize for anything. I know I haven’t had an easy life. None of it is your fault. If anything…” he trailed off, biting his lip and looking away with a shake of his head.

“What is it?” Mathias insisted, leaning towards him from across the table.

Willem hesitated for a few moments, glancing at Mathias before turning his gaze down to the partially painted canvas in front of him. The blue paint on the canvas was almost the same color as Mathias’s eyes. Taking a steadying breath, Willem gently placed a few more strokes of paint with the brush in his hand. Painting helped. It helped him express his emotions better.

“If anything, meeting you and being friends with you was what helped me the most. It gave me the motivation to keep living and working through all of the hardships that were thrown my way.” Willem gave a shrug, catching Mathias’s smile from the corner of his eye. “Having you as a friend is what saved me from a much worse path in life.”

“You saved me too… More than you know…”

The words were such a faint whisper that Willem wasn’t sure if he had heard Mathias correctly. Before he could ask, there was a knock on the door that caused Mathias to go scurrying. Their food had arrived.

Sighing, Willem looked at the curves of blue and black on the canvas, replaying those words in his head.

More than you know… More than you know, Mathias...