Thursday, October 11th

     There was something highly depressing about being at home. While it had its advantage Jesse had his bedroom far away from the rest, it did make him feel a bit isolated whenever he was home.

His mother didn’t even bother to call him down for dinner. No, she texted him because it was too much effort to walk to the back of the house, and call up for him to come down.

And that was if they remembered he was at home too. There had been plenty of dinners he missed because they never informed him food was ready, and since they didn’t allow him to warm it up, he had to eat cold food. His father always told him it was his punishment for staying away for dinner.

Jesse never even bothered to fight over it, and instead just ordered a pizza and waited outside so his parents wouldn’t notice.

Today, however, his mother sent him a text telling him dinner was ready, and he reluctantly dragged himself down the stairs and towards the kitchen. He knew they would scowl at him since he had stayed out until way after curfew and sneaked in while they already went to bed.

“Well look who’s there.” His father sneered as soon as he entered the kitchen, slumping down in his seat right opposite from his father. His mother didn’t dare to look up, knowing things would probably end in a fight. “The lost son has returned.”

Jesse clenched his jaws, but kept his mouth shut, waiting for his parents and brother Ivy to finish loading food onto their plate.

“Where have you been?” His father asked, not looking at him. He focused on his food, thinking Jesse wasn’t worth to look at most of the time.

“Out.” He shrugged, pulled up the sleeves of his hoodie, and instantly saw both his parents’ eyes flickering towards the tattoo with disapproval in them.

“You’re grounded, remember?”

“When am I ever not?” Jesse rolled his eyes, and started putting the left-overs of food onto his plate as soon as Ivy sat back. He was biting his lip, and Jesse knew he would soon leave if this would turn into a discussion. Ivy hated the fights between Jesse and their father, and he rather avoided it.

“Exactly. Why are you ever out when you’re not at school or playing soccer?” His father placed his hands down on the table, took in a breath and looked up. “Why don’t you ever listen?”

Jesse shrugged, not answering since he knew it did no good to talk back, and today he didn’t feel like fighting. He just wanted peace and quiet.

“And now that we’re talking about not listening…” His father pointed his fork towards Jesse. “I made an appointment for you to get rid of that hideous drawing. You’ll have to hurry after school on Wednesday, so I’ll pick you up and personally make sure you will make it to your first appointment.”

“What?” Jesse let out a humorous laugh. “No.”

“Excuse me?” His father placed down his cutlery, and his mother bent her head further down, while Ivy seemed to get ready to leave and eat in his room. “You are getting that… thing… removed. Be glad I’m willing to pay for it instead of taking it out of your allowance.”

“What allowance, Felipe?” Jesse snorted. “I haven’t gotten allowance in years.”

“We’re saving it for y…” His mother timidly spoke, but his father sent her a simple look, silencing her in the process.

“Wednesday, after school, you will go to your appointment. We do not tolerate such… cheap… body decoration.” He spat out.

“I’ll be in my room…” Ivy mumbled, getting up from his seat, hurrying out of the kitchen after sending Jesse a look full of pity.

“Can I go too?” Jesse muttered under his breath. “No, Jesse, you can’t.” he filled in the answer himself.

“No, because you just refuse to listen, and quite frankly, your mother and I have had it with you…”

“And there will be severe consequences if I won’t start listening soon…” Jesse mockingly finished his lecture. “Yeah, yeah, I know.”

“Then start acting like an adult and listen!” His father shouted out of nowhere, losing his cool rather quickly. Maybe the tattoo had pushed him over the edge again. Every so often Jesse did something that pushed him over a line, and the following fight was a tad bit worse than other fights.

“Yeah, no, you know. I wouldn’t mind listening, if I would be able to do anything right according to you. But you see, no matter what the hell I do, it’s never going to be good enough for you. Because you keep telling mom and Ivy, Hayden and Gregory that I ain’t your son.” Jesse got up from his seat, while his father slammed a fist on the table.

“Sit. Down.”

“I’m not your puppet, Felipe. Stop acting as if we’re all your puppets. We have lives, and a mind of our own.”

“SIT!”

“Woof.” Jesse grumbled under his breath before moving away from the table. “I’m out, bye.” Jesse was glad he was already wearing his sneakers, hurrying through the house, to the hallway where his coat hung, and managed to escape outside before his father caught up.

“Jesse!” His father called out while Jesse speed-walked towards his bike. “You get back in here, right now.”

Jesse grabbed his bike, jumped on it and rode his bike towards the only possible place where they would never ask why he was there late at night; Yoni.

     Yoni wasn’t home yet, so Jesse had waited outside for a good hour until she came back from her piano lesson. She was surprised to find him hanging around the beginning of her driveway, but asked no questions.

She had long learned not to ask questions when Jesse showed up unexpected. She just went along with it, and pretended she invited him when her parents would ask.

And since they were well over three years into their relationship, there was plenty of his clothes over at her place, and vice versa. As soon as they reached their rooms, after a catch up talk with her parents that lasted about an hour, Jesse dressed into his sweatpants and sweater, and lay down on her bed, waiting for her to finish redressing too.

Still, something was off tonight, and Jesse couldn’t exactly pinpoint what it was. Yoni was more quiet than she usually was, and her smiles weren’t as bright as usual either.

“What’s wrong?” He eventually asked, while she climbed onto her bed, and rolled over until she was in his arms.

“Do you ever wonder if we’re meant to be together?” She asked in a whisper, burying her face against his chest.

Jesse frowned, wondering why she suddenly started to become worried about their relationship. He wasn’t behaving differently at all. “Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know. I feel like we’re at this point where we should trust each other with everything. But you don’t share some things with me.”

“Like? I tell you everything.” Jesse lied, not feeling happy she was starting about this now. Her timing was so accurate, since Jesse felt more obsessed with Calix lately than he did before. Like he said, the moment Calix had bragged about his goal, the fact Calix was that proud of him, made things ten times worse.

“Then why do you every so often show up unannounced, not willing to tell me why you’re not just at home. You keep ignoring the fact you’re grounded and I just think something is going on and you don’t trust me enough to tell me.”

“I’ve been doing this for three years, why would there be a specific reason for it? I just wanted to see you.”

“Jesse, you’re… different.” Yoni pulled out of his hold and sat down on the bed, facing him. “I don’t know what it is, but it’s getting worse.”

“I can’t really follow you right now, babe.”

“Jesse, please.” Yoni whined, bawling her hands into fists for a second. “Why don’t you trust me?”

“I do…”

“Stop lying Jes!” She cried out. “I know you fight with your dad. I’m not blind. I know you keep avoiding him and whenever you did something he doesn’t like, you keep showing up unexpected until it all calmed down.”

“If you know, then why are you asking?” Jesse rolled over until he was laying on his back, staring at the ceiling, his head supported by his hands.

“Because I want you to trust me, and tell me why you’re here.”

“Felipe hates my tattoo, and he wants me to go over to get it removed. We fought, I refuse to get it removed, and I left because we don’t agree.”

Yoni simply nodded, though Jesse knew her well enough to know she wasn’t satisfied yet, and she wouldn’t stop until she was.

For a while, they kept silent, and Yoni was probably brooding on her next question, wondering how she could best ask the question. She was someone who usually picked her words carefully, and she obviously was trying to find the right words now. But eventually, she bluntly asked him;

“Does he ever physically hurt you?”

Jesse felt his jaw clench, and he stayed silent for what must have felt like hours to Yoni, until he sighed, shrugged a shoulder and turned his head to look at her. “Sometimes.”

“Why have you never told me?” She bit her lip nervously, knowing full well she was walking on a thin line between okay and not okay. “Are you afraid of my reaction?”

“No…”

“But?”

“Would it solve anything?” He asked, closing his eyes because he couldn’t stand the way she currently looked at him. She was pitying him, and she had no idea how his father was least of his problems.

“Not really, but I could’ve supported you better.” She shrugged. “Look, you know me well enough to know I’m not going to bug you about reporting abuse or anything. I don’t know how bad it is, and it’s up to you. You’re old enough to make your own decisions.” Her hand found its way to his, and the simple gesture of her, squeezing his hand to tell him she was there for him, made his heart swell. “I just want to know what you’re dealing with.”

“It’s not that bad, really. Every so often he hits me, but that’s… rare. He only does it if I crossed a line. Which is actually why I’m here tonight.”

“You crossed a line.”

“I got a tattoo, Yoni. He wants to kill me.” Jesse chuckled.

“I don’t get why he hates it.” Yoni, by now, was tracing the lines in the tattoo with her finger. “I think it’s sexy. My boyfriend got a tattoo.” She giggled, and while Jesse still had his eyes closed, he knew when she leaned in to kiss him, and he opened his eyes to kiss her back.

“You just want to show me off to your friends, huh?” Jesse joked, trying to lighten the mood.

It worked, but only for a short while. Eventually, Yoni sighed again, curled up as his side, placed her head on his chest and continued voicing her worries.

“The headaches, you know, the bad ones you get every so often. Is it really migraine?”

“I do have migraine, yes. But sometimes it’s Felipe’s fault.” Jesse placed his arm around Yoni, taking in a deep breath. “Are you going to make me tell you everything?”

“Not everything.”

“You can ask one more thing right now. After that, I rather want to go to sleep.”

“Okay,” Yoni got up, leaning on one arm, looking at Jesse with a serious expression. “You have these cuts and scrapes every so often, which you blame to skating and whatever…”

Jesse smirked, since he already expected her to ask that question. “Those are all really due to me being an idiot.” And it was the truth, and Yoni seemed pleased with that answer, smiling timidly.

“Okay.” She whispered, giving him another kiss. “Let’s go to sleep. We have school in the morning.”

“Good night babe.” Jesse whispered as she pulled the covers over them, cuddling up in his arms.

“Love you.” She whispered right before she yawned.

“Love you too.”