Tuesday, October 16th

     To Jesse, everything felt a bit surreal ever since he and Yoni had told each other the truth. It wasn’t hard to pretend to be in love with Yoni, since he had done it for a while already. The same went for Yoni, and on Monday after school, they even shared a laugh about it while riding towards his home.

It was nice to have someone who knew his biggest secret. And it was even better that it was Yoni, who, besides Calix and Axel, he considered his best friend. They had shared a lot in the past three years, which made it easy for them to share this too and support each other.

But telling Yoni about his sexuality had made him nervous nonetheless.

Someone knew his biggest secret, and even if it was Yoni—and Donna—it felt like a liability. He had no idea what the guys in his soccer team thought about homosexuality, and he was afraid that if they found out, they would shun him out.

He could lose his friends over this, simply because they had never talked about it before and Jesse didn’t know their opinions on the matter. And bringing it up now, would probably cause more questions than answers.

Because why would he start talking about it?

What other reason than being gay—or doubting—would cause him to start a conversation about it?

So, Jesse refrained from starting the conversation, and hoped Yoni’s word that she and Donna wouldn’t ever tell on him was enough. He trusted Yoni; he just didn’t know about Donna.

All he knew, was that he was the only one who knew why Donna had broken up with Axel. And he knew she was never going to take him back either; Donna was a lesbian, and she had chosen to experiment with her sexuality while being single. She had done what Jesse had been afraid of for months.

“Why are you so quiet?” Axel asked annoyed while they cycled towards the club for their practice. “You’ve been quiet all day already. It’s boring.”

“I just don’t know what to say.” Jesse shrugged, waking up from his stupor. “You’ve been talking about Donna constantly and honestly, I think you should try to move on.”

“But I love her, Jesse.” Axel whined. “I still don’t understand why she suddenly didn’t like me anymore. If there had been signs, I would’ve been prepared. But it was out of nowhere.”

“I don’t know why, Axel.” Jesse lied, groaning because Axel just wouldn’t stop. “Maybe she really just didn’t like you anymore. Maybe it had been lingering in the background for a while and you just missed the signs.”

“Then what signs could I have missed?”

“Well, for starters, Donna hasn’t gone on a triple date with us for a while now. And I’m talking about months. She never wanted to go to the movies with us, or shopping. She stopped watching our matches on Saturday months ago. Those could’ve been signs you just ignored.”

“She just didn’t like soccer.”

“Francesca didn’t like soccer. But she likes Calix enough to get interested in the sport and cheer for us.” Jesse countered, knowing he was right. Even if he was hiding the truth. This was getting complicated.

It would’ve been easier if this was just about Yoni and him. Not about Yoni and Donna wanting to experiment together.

“Not everyone is into soccer, no matter how much they like their significant other.”

“Significant other?” Jesse sputtered a laugh. “Well, Einstein, just engage in frivolous dating-activities and find yourself a new gal.”

“Oh, shut up.” Axel muttered while pulling the brake on his bike. “Don’t make fun of me.”

“Then stop using idiotic descriptions.” Jesse shrugged, locking his bike in the meantime.

Calix, off course, was already present and dressed, ready for their practice. Even if it wouldn’t start for another 20 minutes. He was seated outside, smoking a cigarette, and Jesse shortly stood still to watch him. It was right about the only things that made him less of a perfect God; seeing him smoke. It made him human. It showed not even Calix was immune to addictions.

Before it would catch anyone’s attention, Jesse dropped his bag in the locker room, and headed back outside to join Calix for a smoke. Axel was already seated with him, his head leaning on his knees.

“Oh, stop the sulking.” Calix chuckled. “You know how many girls are showing interest in you? What about Ayla? You liked her before Donna.”

“I just want Donna back.” Axel answered, most of his sounds smothered because he was talking more to his knees than to Calix. “Just… you and Jesse have no right to speak. You two have the girls you love since eternity and I’ll end up old, ugly and alone.”

“Says he who just turned 17.” Jesse rolled his eyes, sitting next to Axel. Because sitting next to Calix was just too much right now.

He was allowed to experiment and that made it ten times harder not to fantasize about ‘what if’.

What if Calix was bisexual? What if he was interested in Jesse too? Would Jesse feel complete in his arms? Was there even ever going to be a moment in which Calix would hold him in a loving way?

Jesse forced himself not to think about it, and turned to look at a car that stopped at the parking lot, with loud music blasting from the speakers. It caught the attention of all three of them, and some of their teammates who were also seated outside.

The door opened, and when a young, blond guy stepped out, Jesse’s blood ran ice cold. He froze in his spot while he watched the bartender from Unity get out, grabbing a bag from the backseat, turning around with an air of confidence. In comparison, Jesse’s guts and confidence seemed like child play; he seemed that confident.

“Who’s that?” Axel wondered out loud.

All Jesse remembered, was how he woke up in that guys bed two days ago, and he really, really didn’t want anyone to know about that encounter.

Their trainer, Owen, came walking outside, greeting the guy with a handshake and a smile. They had a short talk in the distance, before they both came walking towards the group of guys who were still outside waiting for practice to begin.

“Everyone, this is Loek. He will be joining our team. Let’s make him feel welcome, shall we?” Own patted Loek’s shoulder, while Jesse still was incapable of moving. And it only got worse when Loek’s eyes landed on him, and a smirk made it’s way onto his face.

He recognized him.

Off course he did. Loek probably hadn’t been as drunk as Jesse had been. He probably remembered all too well what had happened, and how Jesse had ended up in his bed.

“Hey!” Calix cheerfully greeted him first. “I’m Calix, welcome to our team.”

“Nice to meet you.” Loek’s eyes ripped away from Jesse, landing on Calix. And Jesse was horrified when he saw Loek’s eyes take Calix in from head to toe, seemingly enjoying what he saw.

Was he seriously checking Calix out!?

Jesse was shocked, watching how other’s greeted Loek with a handshake, while Loek mainly kept staring at him, or Calix.

Was there a possibility he knew?

Did Jesse—in his wasted state of mind—tell Loek about Calix and his crush?

Things only got worse, when Jesse had finally managed to push himself up, wobbled over to Loek with jelly-like legs, and wanted to offer him a hand. Right before he could stretch his arm, Loek spoke, cutting him short in his actions.

“Hey, Jesse.”

And right in that moment, with everybody looking at him in surprise, Jesse just wanted to die.

     “Where did you guys meet?” Axel asked, standing behind Jesse during a drill at practice. “You never told us about a guy named Loek.”

“And we would definitely remember a name like that.” Calix joined in, way too curious about Jesse knowing Loek already.

“Just in the club.” Jesse repeated his previous answer, again, and again, and again. They didn’t buy it, and Jesse honestly understood why. He wouldn’t believe it either if either of them had given him that answer. If he had met Loek at Gringo’s, they would’ve met him too.

And they didn’t.

Because Jesse had met him while he was working behind the bar of the biggest gay club in their vicinity. Because Loek didn’t know his name because they met in the club.

Loek knew his name because they had hooked-up, and probably had sex too, even though Jesse couldn’t remember anything. He wanted to ask Loek, but it wasn’t the right place and time to do so. People could hear them. People could catch onto the fact Jesse knew Loek a little better than he allowed them to believe.

“Why did he have your phone?” Axel repeated a question Jesse hadn’t answered before. And again, Jesse was saved by Owen, who told him to hurry during the drill. Jesse passed the ball, and ran away from his annoyingly curious friends. Loek was in defence along with a few others, while Jesse was supposed to score a goal with the help of Xavi and Pete.

He tried to focus, he really did. But Loek made it hard for him to do so. He had been sending him looks all throughout practice, and Jesse was a mess.

A big, nervous, shaking mess.

And not just because Loek could potentially out him to everyone in their team. No, because Loek’s eyes stared at him intensely, and Jesse got shivers whenever Loek smiled or laughed.

To him, it was clear as day why he had hooked up with Loek. He was hot, he was charming, he was funny. And he had poured Jesse free drinks most of the evening; for as far as Jesse could remember.

Jesse just cursed the fact he had decided to join this particular team, at this club.

Jesse also cursed upon Loek for handing him back his phone in front of a dozen curious looks, instead of waiting until they were alone.

Well, at least he got his phone back. At least he hadn’t wasted money on a new one yet. At least Loek hadn’t said anything about their encounter either.

“Jesse?” Calix caught up with him while he jogged his way back to the beginning of the drill. “Why did he have your phone?”

“I don’t know. I lost it. He probably found it.” Jesse was starting to feel annoyed by his friends, and their constant stream of questions.

“But why…”

“Can you both just stop asking?” Jesse eventually snapped when Axel wanted to ask another question. “He’s just a guy I met while going out once, okay?”

“Jeez, what the hell crawled up your ass today?” Calix rolled his eyes while Axel laughed.

Sadly, nothing in a while.

Well, for as far as Jesse could remember. He shortly looked at Loek, annoyed because he still didn’t remember, even while he met the guy.

Jesse shook the thoughts off and shrugged. “I’m tired, that’s all, just drop it.” He lied with a straight face, further ignoring any comment they made about Loek.

This was all starting to become way too complicated, and Jesse knew he needed to talk to Loek before things could get out of hand.

How, in the span of three days, had he gone from safely keeping his sexuality a secret, to three people in contact with his friends knowing way too much about him?