Tuesday, October 16th

     “They don’t know, do they?” Loek’s voice sounded close behind Jesse, while he thought he was the last one in the showers. It made him jump in his spot a bit, and he—how typically—dropped his body wash.

A modern version of dropping soap, and Jesse couldn’t help but roll his eyes over his own clumsiness.

“No, they don’t. And I want to keep it that way.” Jesse turned around, refusing to pick up his soap in front of Loek.

A naked Loek.

Well, damn. Not only did he look good due to his facial features, he had a hot body too.

“Was that why you hadn’t been in Unity before?” Loek asked, casually walking towards a free shower without even so much as look at Jesse’s body while Jesse allowed himself to shamelessly check Loek out.

“Can you keep quiet? What if they hear you?”

“They want to the canteen.” Loek shrugged. “That crush of yours was half-complaining that you were even slower than usual today.”

“My crush?” Jesse froze in his spot again, while he felt his face heat up. “Did I… tell you about him?”

“You kinda couldn’t stop whining about him.” Loek chuckled. “Don’t you remember?”

“Honestly, I have no idea what happened after I found my girlfriend kissing another girl.”

“Oh, right. Yoni.” Loek nodded, not at all mocking him in any way. He was dead-serious, and pretending as if they had known each other for years and it was logical he knew all of these things. “Did you guys break up?”

“No, we didn’t.”

“Aha.”

“That’s all?” Jesse frowned, feeling safe enough to pick up the Axe body wash now that Loek wasn’t as close any more.

“What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know.” Jesse shrugged, and turned his back towards Loek. But after seconds, he felt uncomfortable with him behind him, so he turned back around again, noticing Loek was checking him out while he hadn’t been watching. “What happened? Why did I end up in your bed?”

“Initially you wanted to hook up. But you were too wasted, and you didn’t give me a clear answer about where you lived. Just said you didn’t want to go home and…” Loek shrugged. “Let’s just say you were pretty talkative. But it’s part of being a bartender. Drunk people tell me a lot during work.”

“Do you take all of them home?”

“No, just the cute ones.”

Jesse swallowed away the lump in his throat, while they made eye contact. He didn’t know why it affected him as much as it did to have Loek staring at him the way he did.

As if he wanted to jump him, and Jesse wasn’t sure he was going to stop him if he did. Loek was a great looking guy.

“So, what did I tell you?” Jesse eventually asked after an awkward silence. “Nothing too embarrassing I hope?”

What if he had told Loek too much? What if Loek would tell his friends about him? Whatever it was he had told him in his drunk state of mind. He needed to be sure he could trust Loek, and in that moment, he wasn’t really sure he could. There was something about Loek that was different. Something made him different from everyone he had met so far.

Well, Calix was one of a kind, but in a good way.

About Loek? He wasn’t so sure.

“Enough to know you keep a lot of shit hidden from your friends. Including that crush on Calix. Though, now that I’ve met him, I kind of understand why you’re obsessed with his attention. I wouldn’t mind doing him.”

“Well, back off. If with some miracle it turns out he’s gay, I saw him first.”

“I’d say if he is, he can decide for himself. But that aside, why didn’t you break up with Yoni?”

“Because we agreed that would only complicate things. People will want to know why we broke up after three years, and we both aren’t sure we’re ready to tell them the truth.”

“So, lie.”

“Dude, Calix and Axel will know I’m lying. Trust me.”

“Jesse, for as far as I know, you’re lying about almost every aspect in your life, and they believe you. Why would they know when you’re lying, if that’s all that you’re doing to them right now without them knowing?”

“If you put it like that, you make me sound like a bad friend.” Jesse grumbled.

“Well, Jesse. If you’re being honest with me, can they trust you?”

     Jesse couldn’t sleep with all that was currently going on in his life. It was a disaster waiting to happen and Jesse didn’t know how to stop it. Stepping into Unity was probably the biggest mistake in his life.

With his father already angry over the tattoo, Jesse really couldn’t use Loek in his life right now. Even if he had promised not to tell about Jesse’s sexuality, Jesse felt something about Loek was different.

He had made him think too, by asking Jesse if his friends could really trust him.

Could they?

He was indeed constantly lying to them about some aspects of his life, but he knew he was there for his friends when they needed him. That made him trustworthy, right?

He would never tell their secrets to others. He would always go and help them with anything they needed help with. He just chose to keep certain things about himself hidden because it was easier that way.

That didn’t make him a bad friend, did it?

Jesse was both annoyed and confused because of Loek. He hated the fact he had told him way too much and he now knew everything about him that he didn’t want anyone to know about.

In the same time, he was curious about Loek and why he had suddenly showed up at soccer. Jesse had never seen him before, and suddenly, after one drunken night, Loek seemed to be everywhere he looked.

He had even gotten Jesse’s number because Jesse was a fool for not securing his phone with a password, a finger print or anything else.

Loek had texted him long after they had gone a separate way after soccer practice, telling him he was sorry for meddling in his life. Jesse had sent a simple reply, telling Loek he had no right to judge him about anything because he didn’t know him. Even if he knew everything about him.

There had been no response.

By morning, after hours of turning and twisting, trying to fall asleep, Jesse had eventually dragged himself out of bed and towards the kitchen for an early breakfast.

He found Ivy already seated at the table when he entered, and they had silently ate their breakfasts, while Ivy was trying his best not to look at Jesse’s tattoo. Jesse hated it when Ivy was trying to ignore everything about Jesse, and it was one reason why they didn’t get along.

When they were younger, Ivy had been somewhat of a friend to Jesse. They had similar interests, humour and hung out a lot with each other and their friends. But somewhere down the line, Ivy had taken a step back, creating a distance between them that was ever so slightly growing each day.

Jesse had eventually stopped trying to bond with him and had taken his loss. He didn’t need Ivy as a friend. He had Calix and Axel, and plenty of other friends.

As soon as their father entered the kitchen, Ivy finished breakfast in seconds and left to his room again. Jesse simply rolled his eyes, muttered ‘chickenshit’ and cleaned his plate in the sink while hoping his father would leave him be.

But off course, his father wouldn’t grant him a peaceful morning.

“I’m picking you up at 2.” His father told him with a cold voice. “Make sure I don’t have to wait, I don’t want you to be late.”

“I’m not going.” Jesse responded. “Sorry, but it’s my body.”

“Oh, you are going, you hear me?”

“And what if I’m not?” Jesse turned to look at his father, glad there was a table in between them with the way his father looked.

“Do you still want to have a roof over your head after today?”

“Are you really kicking me out over a tattoo that is covered most of the time?”

“Until it becomes summer, and everyone will see that hideous thing.” His father placed down his bread and folded his hands together over his plate. “Either you get that thing removed, or I’m removing you from this house. Your choice.”

“Guess I’ll be packing then.” Jesse shrugged, and left the kitchen to head up to his room. He wondered if his father was serious about kicking him out, and just to be sure, he packed a few essentials before grabbing his school supplies. He made sure to take out a spare key to the back door and hide it outside, in case they would take away his keys and not give him a chance to grab his stuff.

But there was one thing Jesse knew for sure; he wasn’t going to get the tattoo removed, no matter what his father would tell him.

He managed to leave for school unnoticed, and since he was a bit early, he rode to school by himself. It gave him more time to think, and on some occasions to nearly fall asleep while on his bike.

He was a hot mess, and once Calix showed up at school, he instantly noticed. It showed why Calix was such a great friend, and why Jesse liked him as much as he did. It wasn’t all looks that caused him to fall for Calix. It was everything about the boy that made him fall in love.

“What’s going on, Jesse?” Calix asked while they sat down outside, both lighting a cigarette. “You look terrible.”

“I didn’t really sleep last night.” Jesse admitted with a shrug.

“How come? Is something bothering you?”

Jesse snorted in response, and again shrugged. He wanted to play it off as if it wasn’t a big deal; but it was. More than every, he wanted to tell Calix about everything. More than anything, he wanted to tell Calix about his secrets and have him calm him down and tell him everything was going to be okay.

But Jesse knew he couldn’t tell him, because he didn’t want to lose Calix as a friend. He was too afraid Calix would hate him for being gay, and more so for crushing on him.

Calix would probably freak out and accuse him of checking him out in the locker rooms and during their sleep-overs after gaming.

And Jesse couldn’t blame him. If he was straight and Calix would tell him he was crushing on him, he would feel highly uncomfortable too.

“Jesse?” Calix nudged him. “Axel and I are worried about you. We hardly ever see you smile lately. You seem absent-minded. You never do your hair anymore.”

“Me not doing my hair is a reason for concern?” Jesse forced out a chuckle.

“Yeah, well. You used to dye it every month or so. You’ve had this pastel-blue for so long it’s practically completely rinsed out.”

“I’ve been too busy to dye it.”

“I thought you always let Yoni do it when you were with her. Don’t you guys hang out anymore?”

“We do.” Jesse was glad he could tell Calix something that was true. “Just not at home lately. I was planning to dye it today after school.”

“Oh, aha.” Calix didn’t seem pleased with his answers. Which was probably because Jesse solely focused on his hair, and not on the fact he was hardly smiling these days, or how he was absent-minded as Calix had put it.

“Yeah…” Jesse muttered, not knowing how to bend the conversation around and stop Calix—and probably Axel—from worrying about him.

“Can you promise me one thing?” Calix eventually asked with a timid voice, as if he was upset. Axel had joined them, but he had probably felt that they had an awkward conversation and had refrained from talking too.

“What do you want me to promise?”

“That you’ll tell us what’s going on once you’re ready?” Calix looked at him with those damned beautiful (ORBS) eyes of his, and Jesse melted a bit.

“I promise I’ll tell you what’s going on when I’m ready.”

Which was probably never going to happen, but Calix didn’t have to know that. In a few months they’d be heading of to college anyway, and Jesse figured Calix was aiming to get into some prestigious college or even university, while Jesse aimed for the school that were easier to get accepted in to.

There was no reason to ruin the last few months they’d have together.