Thursday, October 18th

     Jesse felt confused when he woke up in Loek’s room, needing a few seconds to realize why he was there. It felt surreal that he had actually been kicked out, now that he had slept a few hours. Loek made him breakfast, and as if they had known each other for years, he had also left him alone for the most part.

And Jesse silently thanked him for leaving him alone, since he always was a bit moody in the morning. It was as if Loek had sensed Jesse wasn’t a morning person.

Jesse had also noticed Loek was holding back on being cheerful, and he figured he was in fact a morning person himself. As soon as Mees had entered the kitchen, they had started a conversation of their own while Jesse had munched down his eggs on toast.

He hadn’t missed the looks Mees kept sending him. They were mostly side-glances with squinted eyes. Mees did not trust him, and Jesse couldn’t blame him; he was a complete stranger to him.

To both of them, really.

At school, he had instantly pulled Yoni aside, and had informed her that he got kicked out. It took him several minutes before she believed him when he said he was fine and had a roof over his head again. Then she had started asked him why.

Jesse had shrugged and told her his tattoo was probably a step too far, but that it had been building up for months. It wasn’t that big of a surprise to him, now that he had time to overthink the whole situation.

“Just don’t tell the rest. I don’t want anyone to make a big deal out of this.” Jesse pleaded, nearly begging her.

“But it is a big deal,” Yoni hissed in anger. “He kicked you out! His son.”

“Well, I’m not his son according to him…” Jesse tried to joke, but Yoni cut him short by sending him a look with squinted eyes.

Why was everyone suddenly sending him looks like that?

“You are, and this is bullshit.”

“Yoni, please. If I’m being honest I don’t really care that I don’t live with him anymore. I’m fine where I am now, and as long as Mees doesn’t kick me out, I will remain fine.”

Yoni eventually took in a deep breath, nodded, and kissed his cheek. “I trust your judgement. But do remember I’ll always be there for you. I still love you.”

“I still love you too,” Jesse hummed happily, pulling her in his arms.

They had parted ways afterwards, since they didn’t share classes on Thursday morning, and Jesse had mostly entertained himself by playing hangman with Axel during classes, while Calix was taking notes and sending them annoyed looks.

But even Calix wasn’t immune to Jesse’s humour, and whenever Calix seemed annoyed, he would continue to joke around until Calix couldn’t help but laugh.

A laugh Jesse thought was worth dying for. It sent shivers down his spine. His body would someday betray his feelings if things continued to progress the way they did lately. Jesse needed to find a way to satisfy his needs, but he had no idea how to do so. His obsession with Calix was ever-growing and Jesse figured that wasn’t just suddenly going to stop if he hooked up with someone.

The obsession would still be there.

Damned perfect Calix Milonas.

And things only got worse when Calix started to loosen up around lunch time. His morning mood was gone, and it was noticeable.

Jesse had already been seated at their regular lunch table, with Axel, Simon and Pete as company, when Calix took a seat beside him and ruffled up his hair with a smirk on his face.

“I see you went with pink?”

“Congratulations,” Jesse mumbled while he tried to ‘fix’ his hair. “You’re not colour blind.”

“Looks good on you though.” Calix nodded, but wasn’t staring at Jesse any longer. Instead, he was looking at his lunch, which his mother still packed for him every day. “Oh, a BLT sandwich.” He rubbed his hands together, licking his lips at the sight of yet another delicious lunch.

Jesse stared down at his poor lunch; just some bread with peanut butter. He didn’t have many options because that was all there was at the table this morning, and he was still too unaccustomed to his current home-situation to ask for something else. “Wanna switch?” he joked eventually, nudging Calix in his ribs.

“No way.” Calix shook his head, his eyes shortly resting on Jesse’s lunch, before he smirked. “Were you running late this morning?”

“Something like that.” Jesse shrugged, and he wasn’t even lying. He had underestimated the distance from Loek’s home to school. It took him 10 more minutes than it usually did.

It just wasn’t the reason he didn’t have his usual lunch with him—a variation to a BLT sandwich nearly every day.

“Want a bite?” Calix offered him his sandwich and Jesse shook his head, forcing out a chuckle.

“Nah, I’m good.”

“Good, because you weren’t getting a bite anyway.” Calix smirked at him, before taking a bite of his own.

Jesse huffed in response. “You’re the worst friend anyone could wish for.”

“Is that why you’ve been friends with me for years?” Calix shot back with a laugh.

No, Calix. It’s because I’m madly in love with you.

For all Jesse knew, Calix could act like a real jerk all he wanted—it wouldn’t change his feelings towards Calix anyway. No, Jesse was doomed with a crush on his straight best friend, and there was no way in hell he would end their friendship.

     When school finished, Jesse didn’t think about anything and cycled home with Axel for most of the way. It wasn’t until Axel had taken a right onto his driveway, that Jesse realised he couldn’t go home. His parents would probably be out for work still, which was pretty much the only reason Jesse did go home, used the key he had previously hidden in the backyard, and went up to his room to collect more important stuff.

With a heavy backpack full of books and a laptop, and his stuff for soccer stuffed in his sports bag, he took off towards Loek again. He needed to figure out a better solution for his housing problem, but since he was 17, his options were limited. And as soon as he had used Loek’s spare key to enter the apartment, Jesse was reminded that he needed to find a solution quickly.

Loek wasn’t home yet, but Mees was. He was seated in the living room with the TV on for background noise, while he seemed to be reading a book.

Jesse had no idea how to behave after he had dumped his stuff in Loek’s bedroom and made his way back into the living room. Mees shortly looked up, but then focused back on reading, while Jesse lingered around.

He was unsure if he should just sit in the living room or hide in Loek’s bedroom until he got home. Should he take his laptop out and game for a bit, or try to talk to Mees instead?

He opted for another option, took out his schoolbooks and sat at the dinner table to do some of his homework. At least that way Mees probably wouldn’t talk to him, as to not disturb him. At least this way Jesse would keep himself occupied with something, distracting himself from the uneasy feeling he had. He wasn’t even sure if he was allowed to sleep over for another night.

Mees didn’t bother him while he did some of his homework and had started cooking eventually while Jesse was still there, now fully focused on solving some Mathematical equations.

It wasn’t until Mees served dinner, that Jesse spoke up.

“Where’s Loek?” he eventually voiced his question, getting up to help Mees lay the dinner table. He had noticed only two plates, but that could mean two things. Either Loek wouldn’t be home for dinner and he was left at Mees’ mercy, or Mees didn’t cook him dinner and the second plate would be for Loek anyway.

Mees shortly looked at him, still giving off a vibe that Jesse wasn’t welcome in his home at all.

“Work,” was the only reply Jesse got from Mees, and they sat down in silence.

It was painfully awkward, while he waited for Mees to grab his share of food, before Jesse followed and took some food onto his plate. He sat across from Mees, who was now staring at him shamelessly.

Mees did not look friendly, at all.

“I didn’t know Unity was open on a Thursday afternoon,” Jesse eventually said, trying to break the bubble of silence that was weighing heavily on him.

“He’s not at Unity,” Mees replied, still not looking anywhere else but Jesse.

“Oh.”

Mees remained silent for a while, and Jesse got the impression that the guy just didn’t want to talk to him. That he just did not like Jesse, and nothing was going to change his mind.

Jesse just wanted to know why he didn’t like him while they had never spoken to each other before.

“He’s at Reeds. The bookstore. He has a job there too,” Mees eventually told him. Since Mees had offered him more information, Jesse figured he wasn’t completely opposed to a conversation.

“So, he works two jobs?”

“You need to do something to avoid being homeless.” Mees shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal, but Jesse felt as if it was a low blow referring to his own situation.

“I’m not a freeloader, if that’s what you think.” Jesse defended himself, staring down at the free food. Well, maybe he was a bit.

“I wasn’t referring to you. I’m referring to the fact neither Loek, nor me, gets support from anyone. Loek wants to go to college, but there’s currently not enough money. So, he works two jobs to save up enough money.” Mees cocked his head to the side, staring at him.

“You don’t like me, do you?” Jesse bluntly blurted out.

“No, I don’t.”

“Why not? You don’t know me.”

“All I know is that you hooked up with my little brother and you left before he got out of the shower. I don’t want you to use my brother like that, ever again.”

Jesse’s brows furrowed, and he stopped chewing his food, surprised by how much Mees seemed to know about something that—according to Loek—hadn’t happened.

“I only slept here. We didn’t hook up,” Jesse eventually mumbled while a slight blush crept on his face. He usually didn’t feel awkward about his hook-ups, but it was a whole different thing when a big brother confronted him with it. “I didn’t use your brother.”

Mees only sent him a cold look, but gave no further reply during dinner. Jesse kept silent, since Mees had still cooked him dinner and was still allowing him to be in his apartment. But that didn’t mean Mees’ behaviour didn’t affect him at all. On the contrary, Jesse didn’t feel much better than he had done at home, and he soon realised he couldn’t stay in an apartment knowing he wasn’t welcome.

Jesse eventually excused himself once they were both done with dinner, and went to Loek’s bedroom, trying to fit all of his stuff into the three bags he had taken with him. He had taken too much from home to Loek already and cursed himself for doing so. There was no way he could move all his stuff in one go.

“What are you doing?” Loek’s voice sounded confused.

“Packing. I’m gonna see if Yoni’s parents will take me in…”

“Why?”

“I’m not welcome here. Mees hates my guts,” Jesse replied with a shrug of his shoulder. “Is it okay if I pick some stuff up later?”

“Jesse, you are welcome. This is just as much my home as it is Mees’ house.” Loek walked over to him, and grabbed him by his shoulders to turn him around and look at him. “What does it matter to you what Mees thinks?”

“It doesn’t matter who thinks what,” Jesse mumbled with a sigh following suit. “It’s the fact I don’t feel welcome and I’ve had that for 17 years at home. I don’t want to deal with it any longer.”

“Then let me talk to Mees. But please, stay.”

“Why does it matter to you? You hardly even know me as a person,” Jesse wondered out loud, genuinely wanting to know the answer.

“I don’t know why I care. I just do, okay?” Loek went silent for a few seconds, and then he looked Jesse straight in his eyes. “There’s something about you.”