When I took my lunch and was about to find a place to sit, I saw him sitting having his own lunch. Well I really wanted to join him, but my legs weren’t with me, an internal resistance was stopping me from taking a single step towards him. Yeah, I like that guy. Maybe from the time I got to know him. We were in the same class for an entire year but didn’t go along. No specific reason though. Well but now the case is different, I know him and I like him.

“Hey Ethan, will you have your lunch while standing?” he said loud enough for me to hear as well as the people around us. I walked towards him and then sat on the bench facing him. “Hey, Drake” I said while sitting.

“So, what’s going on?”

“Nothing much, anything going on with you?”

“Well, now nothing. But I have planned something and you might be my great help.”

“What is it? If I can, I will definitely help you up.”

“Actually there’s a girl with whom I really wanted to go out. And at last she is finally convinced but only on one term.”

“And that’s?”

“I have to bring one of my friend as well as she wants to set her friend up.”

“So you want me to go on a blind date with a girl so that you can go out with a girl you were chasing?”

“Can I say ‘Yes’?”

“Of course you can buddy but on one condition. Have you met that friend?”

“Can I say ‘No’?”

“Do you have a picture of her?”

“Can I say ‘No’ again?”

“Drake, don’t you dare to tell me that you wanted to set me up with a girl to whom you neither have met nor you have a pic of her?”

“Can I say ‘Yes’ again?”

“What the hell were you thinking?”

/* Well you all might be judging me what the hell am I doing? Yeah well you are right. I really don’t know what the hell I am doing. To divert my mind, I am doing anything I can. Hanging out with my friends more, playing pc games, not denying the fact watching more porn as well (Not just boy and girl porn). But at the end I end up having the same thoughts over and over again. I really want to spend more time with him. That’s why whenever he wants to go out like a movie or barbeque and if he asks me I say yes instantly even without a single thought. This isn’t me. I used to be known the one who goes out less, a little introvert, spends less money (Way more less money). But now changes are happening and I am grabbing every little chance to spend time with him. And another thing is happening that I am not able to say ‘No’ to him. So what should I do? */

Coincidently we finished our lunch at the same time and he asked me while standing,

“Man, just say ‘Yes’, I will owe you one.”

“Then all the expenses on you, that means even mine.”

“Well, then that’s going to be expensive but I can take it.”

“Ok, count me in. I don’t say no to free treat.”

“Cool, so today at 7.”

“Wait today…?”

And we kept plates in the washing area.

“Yeah, and I will text you the meeting place address.”

It was about 5:30 and I thought of getting ready for so called blind date which I accepted it not because I wanted to but because I couldn’t say no the guy I like. Who by the way is going out with another girl, well am I screwed? Yeah I am, till the end to of sign board “No Way Further”.

I wore a black T-Shirt, a black jeans a black pair of sneakers. I applied gel on my black hair so as to make a spike type of style which I usually do whenever I go out with someone. And yeah I do have obsession with black. I don’t know why black really suits with my brown complexion. Well black suits with every complexion but I really like black.

/* I am in millions of those who like black color as it really suits with any type of complexion. But I like black because it shows confidence and strong but also opaqueness. Just like a thick curtain behind which anything can be hidden. Because once black is encountered we knows it’s the end. Nothing further, and beyond what’s hidden is our hidden feelings and emotions. So do you like black and if do what’s your opinion?*/

I reached the address messaged by him. And it is one of the cheep restaurants we have been, even though its cheep the food is good though. And when I arrived, they had already occupied a table. There was a space left for me beside one of the girl which presumed that will be my date. Drake spots me again, waved to come over and I sat beside the girl.

“Carrie, Ethan. Ethan, Carrie.” He said while moving his hands back and forth pointing on each of us. I blinked my eyes and just nodded my head a little, that’s one of my gesture when I meet new people.

“And Ethan, meet Amanda.”

“Hello both of you and sorry arriving late.”

The waitress came to take our orders and I ordered myself just a black coffee. I wasn’t in the mood to fill myself up.

“Not in a mood to eat?” asked Carrie.

“Nah, I had a pizza left and I have to finish it so…”

“Oh I get it.”

We all talked like for an hour and I really got along with Carrie. But my mind and eyes constantly went on him. He was in his black jacket, maroon t-shirt and dark blue jeans. He was looking really handsome; damn I couldn’t resist myself looking at him. Then we walked outside, me and Carrie exchanged number and said we will talk each other.

“So we should get going” said Amanda.

“Should I drop you?” asked Drake.

“Well next time maybe, I don’t think it’s the right time. Don’t mind.”

“I won’t, your call” and he smiled.

“The cab is here, let’s go” Carrie said while pointing the cab.

“When did you booked?” I asked astonished as I was with her the whole time.

“Well, people call me a ‘quick cat’ as well” she winked.

This was really cheesy but I liked it. The cab got out of the vision and I exhaled a deep breath. The wind was blowing a little fast, and I really thought it would rain. I love rain, and I really cant recall when was the last time I drenched and I really wanted to get drenched. I don’t know why I really feel light and fresh after getting wet in rain.

“So how are you going home?” Drake asked.

“Getting an idea to walk…”

“It will take you around 45 minutes to get yourself home if you are going by walk.”

“I don’t have anything to do tomorrow so I have no problem walking. How are you going home?”

“I was thinking of booking a cab…”

“Ok, go for it. I will meet you tomorrow.”

I said while putting my hands in my jeans and started walking. And just after a little while I heard footsteps in coordination with me, and when I turned my head, I saw him walking alongside with me. “Don’t do this…” I said to myself.

“Well, I can’t let my friend have a good walk alone. There should be someone to ruin the mood.”

“What happened to you booking cab plan.”

“I am walking with you right? So isn’t this directly says that the planned is called off?”

“Well yeah…” I smiled a little.

We were walking for like 15 minutes and we haven’t talked much, because every time I open my mouth it wants to say “I like you”. The wind has slow down and I can feel little drops of rain pouring upon us. It will rain, if not at least drizzle. And then that’s when he asked

“Is there something bothering you?”

“What?”

“I asked is there something bothering you?”

“What made you think like that?”

“The way you were acting today. I have been observing that there is change in your behavior man. If you want to talk about anything I am always here.”

/* I was at my brim… like you can say the water was now above my head and I have to do something about it. And at that time I could think of anything was to tell him how I feel. Because after many years I don’t want the thought or the guilt in my mind, body or soul that what would have happened if I had told him… so I was going to say. Let’s just die, shall we. */

“So if I told you my problem will you be able to help me?”

“Yeah I will. Come on tell me.”

“Well there is person who I really like…”

“I know that person?” he cut me off in between.

“Yes, you know that person very well.”

“So, what’s the problem?”

“The problem is though that I don’t think that that person likes me back.”

“Does that person know… wait why are we using the word ‘person’? Why not ‘girl’?” and he made a mouth opening face, clearly astonished and surprised. I shrugged my shoulder, narrowed my eyes a little with a wide smile on my face.

“So you are gay?”

“I don’t know that man and I have really other things to think about”

“But you are feeling something for a guy man.”

“Yeah I can’t deny that, but can we focus on my problem?”

“Can I use the word ‘guy’?”

“Yes” I said while moving my hand in my hair.

“So this guy you like, does he know you like him?”

“Definitely not!”

/* When I said that, I really wanted to rip off my heart. I really wanted him to know and how the conversation was going I was pretty sure that I will tell him. The conversation was going in the right direction, and I didn’t like it. Now I was trying to find holes in the conversation which I can hang on and make my mind not to tell him or get the thought he isn’t ready. Maybe he won’t understand or he is a homophobe. Was I thinking in the right direction? */

There was an awkward silence for like a minute and the rain drops were falling a little bit fast.

“That was why I didn’t want to have this conversation with you.”

“Sorry pal, I am really sorry I wasn’t helping. So let’s get back, so you like him but he has no idea about it.”

“Yes”

“So first is he straight or gay?”

“Well till the extent I know him, he is straight.”

“Is he an open minded person?”

And that’s where it struck me,

“Wait I thought you would be saying that “He is straight, nothing can happen” or “Move on” or something like that. And even to think of it you didn’t react weird as I expected or heard, saw in movies…”

“Do you want me to react weird?”

“No…”

Just please don’t go easy, I just want this conversation to go bad so that I won’t tell my feelings.

“So answer my question”

“Yes he is. He is one of the best people I have ever met in my life and I don’t think I might meet another.” Man I felt that I meant each and every word I just spoke.

“So tell him.”

“What?”

“Yes, tell him. He will understand if he actually is open minded person as you said. And maybe let’s say for the best case scenario if he can respond to your feeling then you will have a new start.”

When we were crossing a bus stop, it started to drizzle.

“Hey it may start to rain as well, let’s wait in the bus stop till the rain stops?” he said while running towards the bus stop.

“I don’t want to stop. And my house is not far, I can walk.”

Yes, stay there. Don’t come. Because if you will, I will definitely say what’s I have been holding in my mind. I will relate this incident like “If you can’t walk with me in a drizzle, how you can hear my feelings or like any crap which will make my mind divert. And again just after a little while I saw a figure walking along side of me. And the figure was none other than Drake.

“So, shall we continue our talk?”

I stopped walking. I can’t take even a single step further anymore. Now I have to tell him, I don’t know why but now I have to. He took a few steps further and when he didn’t find me beside him he said

“What happened?”

“There’s another thing I want to tell you…”

“And that is?”

A silence was starting to build and now it was getting prolonged.

“Hey, if you don’t have anything to say then let’s resume to you problem.”

He turned again to walk forward.

“It’s you.” I said loud enough.

“What?” he was surprised and he was really caught off guarded.

“It’s you.” I said again by shrugging my shoulder and with a little made up smile.