Eliseo arrives early. He rushed out of school as fast as possible, and tried his absolute best to beat Joss to his house. It used to be their little game. Eli has the keycode to the door lock, and he’s allowed to raid the kitchen as long as he adds stuff to the shopping list when he eats the last of it.

He doesn’t let himself in this time. It’s different, and he really doesn’t want to screw anything up before they’ve even talked. Maybe Joss can not think badly of him. Maybe. Maybe, maybe, maybe Joss won’t hate him and they can still be friends.

Joss rolls up in his car, and throws it into park.

“Jesus shit, biker boy, why the fuck are you standing out here in the cold? You can go inside.” He’s annoyed, Eli can tell. Anyone would be able to tell when Joss is annoyed; he shows all of his emotions on his face, with the exaggeration of an anime character.

“I don’t know,” Eli mumbles, “I.. didn’t want to intrude?”

“You’re never intruding,” Joss says. Intensely.

“... okay.”

Joss unlocks the door, and doesn’t hold it open. He treats Eli like he belongs in the house, like it’s their home instead of just his.

They sit on the couch.

Then they sit on the floor.

Then Joss stands up, and Eli follows him, and they move to his bedroom.

Joss doesn’t bother to explain, just sits on his bed, leaving Eli to scramble for appropriate seating. He ends up on a pulled out desk chair.

“Eli.” Joss says. “I’m not mad at you. I just wanted us to like, chat like bruhs or some shit so you don’t avoid me forever.”

“Okay,” Eli says eloquently.

“Okay. So, like, bruh, are you gay or some shit?”

Eli wants to curl up into a ball and never emerge. He didn’t want his coming-out to be this way, a question asked and then answered. He wanted to tell Joss… later.

He chokes out a breath, and gulps one in. “Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I’m gay. Are you gonna run out screaming?”

Joss seems shocked that Eli would even suggest that. “No! Bruh, I was just asking because you tongue fucked me and I’m assuming that you wouldn’t do that if you weren’t into dudes! And my assumption is correct because I’m a straight-A student and I’m good like that.”

Eli winces at the bluntness. “Sorry about that. The… tongue fuck. I.. I’m just really sorry.”

“Don’t be!”

“Don’t be?”

“I gave you the go. You drove. I was like ‘nah, this really isn’t my style’ and put on the brakes. Just in like, a really physical adrenaline-rush kinda way.”

Eli sighs. “Does that mean you’re not mad at me? That we’re still friends?”

“Of course, bruh! Just, no romance-kissy-gay stuff, alright?”

“Alright.”

“Great! Now help me with this fucking homework because Jesus shit, it’s fucking hard.”

Joss is in intense mode all evening, which lets Eli say few words and think even fewer. He’s too busy answering Joss’s endless questions to sort through his thoughts.

It starts raining as he packs up to go home, and even though getting his homework wet sucks, it’s calming to feel the water hit his face.

He doesn’t notice he’s crying until he slows down as he nears home. The tears streak down his face, mingling with raindrops until he can’t tell what is what. He slides down on the seat of his bike until his head rests on the key guard, pressing into the cold metal, biting at his skin. He stays like that, outside his house, until he’s soaked with rain and the moon is hiding behind a cloud.

He slips inside, careful to stay quiet. His shoes squelch on the floor, his jacket rustles, his quiet sobs fill the air with soft noise.

Just be happy with what you have, Eliseo. You know he doesn’t like you like that. You liking him changes nothing. Fucking nothing.

He slams his fists down on the counter, ever so gently. By the time he falls into bed, he’s crumpled, condensed into a ball of boy and palatable sadness.