Name: Alex Harrison
Age: 13
Pronouns: They/Them/Theirs
Sexuality: Pansexual
No, I’m not a boy. No, I’m not a girl. No, I’m not somewhere in between. No, I’m not confused. No, I’m not undecided on my gender. No, pansexual and bisexual are not the same thing. No, I’m not attracted to pans. These are the things new people I meet assume about me. Yes, I am proudly a non-binary pansexual. Non-binary is not between male and female. It’s not a gender at all. And I’m not non-binary because I’m breaking gender stereotypes because of how I present myself. I’m non-binary because I didn’t feel like a girl, or a boy. So, I’m neither. When I was little, my mom would always put the most pink and bright girly clothes on me, but when I saw myself in the mirror, I just didn’t feel right. I shrugged it off, but as I approached my teenage years a new gut feeling started to approach me; dysphoria. No, not dysmorphia, where you see you body as something it’s not. Gender dysphoria is when you’re born in the wrong body. With the body of one gender, but the mind of another gender.
I first game out to my parents when I was twelve. Now, I already knew my parents were going to accept me. I had two moms. My moms never forced me into anything. Even though my older mom dressed me in girly clothes as a little kid, if I said I didn’t want to wear super girly clothes that day, my older mom would let me pick out clothes that I wanted. My younger mom has a friend who was non-binary, and they were pretty close. Coming out for me was a double-whammy. I had to come out as pan and non-binary. But I remember that cold winter night during the holiday break. My younger mom was making dinner and my older mom was watching TV with my little sister. I went up to my my younger mom and then my older mom and asked if I could talk to them. My older mom told my little sister, Kayla, that she would be right back. I brought them both into my bedroom.
“What is it, Allie?” My younger mom said, looking concerned.
“Well.......” There was a long pause. Tears started to well up in my eyes.
“Honey, you know we’ll love you no matter what,” My older mom said sweetly.
“I... I’m pan... and non-binary...” I said, my voice trembling, “And I would prefer to be called Alex,” My moms both started crying, and they pulled me into a big hug. And just like that, I knew they were ready for the changes coming. And, to my pleasant surprise, I got a binder a few months later.
I walked into lunch with a full tray, because I was hungry from a lack of breakfast this morning. I sat alone for a couple of minutes, until my friend Samuel came over.
“Hey Al,” He said as he sat down. I noticed he was wearing a collared shirt with stripes of different shades of blue.
“What the hell are you wearing?” I asked, because he never wore a collared shirt.
“I don’t know. I just kinda want to look like Evan Hansen today,” He responded. I rolled my eyes. Samuel loves the musical Dear Evan Hansen. I mean, he was obsessed with it. Personally, it’s not for me. Then, my friend Joey sat down at the table. He was wearing a black t-shirt with sweatpants.
“Hey, bros,” He said. I rolled my eyes once more. Joey and Samuel were the only ones who were willing to be friends with me. I used to be friend with a lot of sporty people. But, as soon as I revealed my LGBTQ side to them, they started to get freaked out. I felt like I wasn’t welcome, so I was alone for a couple of weeks, until I met Joey and Samuel. Joey knows exactly how I feel. He’s transgender, so he knows what I’ve been going through. Samuel was just the sweetest. He knew what it felt like to feel rejected. When he came out as gay to his parents, they disowned him, which was horrible. He, with their parents permission, started living in Joey’s house. They’ve been (no homo) roommates ever since.
I was talking with Joey and Samuel when I heard snickering at the popular kids’ table. It was probably about us, since we got those often, but I saw one girl looking very angry. After a few minutes, she stood up and said something like, “I’m bi, okay?!? Now stop, you damn homophobes!” And then I heard ‘ew’ and ‘gross’ and other biphobic comments. Then I saw the girl stomp out of the room, tearing up. I did feel really bad for her.
“Um... do you think I should.... you know.... check on her?” I asked. I’m a nice person, okay.
“Do whatever you want,” Joey said.
“Do it,” Samuel chimed in.
I nodded and stood up. I walked out of the cafeteria calmly, going over to the bathrooms. My school didn’t have gender neutral bathrooms, so I mostly held it in until I got home. I stood right outside the doorway of the girls bathroom. I couldn’t go in there, obviously, so I called out,
“Hey, you okay?”
“Go away,”
“Come out, I just want to talk,”
“Then come in here. Come in here and talk to me!”
“I can’t,”
I heard some mumbling and then heard footsteps. She stepped out of the bathroom and her eyes widened.
“Alex..?” She said. This is the first time I really saw this girl, and my goddamn pan-scan made my cheeks go red. She had long auburn hair, pale skin, big brown eyes and long eyelashes. I was surprised that she knew my name.
“Why do you want to talk to me, you barely even know me,” She said.
“Because I’m a nice person who worries about other people,” I said bluntly.
“Oh,” She said, sounding surprised, “Th-thank you,”
“Hey, um, you can sit with us if you want. Y-you don’t have to..!” I stuttered.
“Uh.... sure. Why not. Better than that table,” She said as she shrugged, “I’m Megan,”
We walked back to our lunch table with Joey and Samuel sitting there, smiling as Megan and I sat down. As she saw Samuel, she started laughing.
“Hey! I didn’t know Evan Hansen went to this school,” She joked,
“Finally someone who gets it!” Samuel sighs happily.
“I think everyone should introduce themselves,” I said, “Alex, they them, pan,”
“Joey, he him, M to F, straight,” Joey said.
“Samuel, he him, gay,” Samuel said. I would expect Megan to be confused, since she’s never really hung out with other people of the LGBTQ community, but she understood what everyone meant.
“Megan, she her, bi,” She responded.
Throughout lunch, as she was talking to us, she seemed very content. She seemed to warm up to us very quickly. At the end of the day, we exchanged numbers and started a group chat.
She better not go back to the popular kids.
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