It was a normal day for me, for at least most of it. You wanna hear the story…? It's a little gruesome… but okay. Just promise me that you won't tell anyone this, okay? I really don't think that Shawn would wanna be reminded of it… especially now that it all happened. Okay fine, I'll stop procrastinating. It was a seemingly normal day. The sun was shining and it was a nice, cool seventy degrees out. The sun was high even after we got home and it was supposed to be a nice, normal day… well that's what I thought.

On the way home Shawn wanted to get some ice cream. You might think that's normal because he loves ice cream, but it wasn't. Lately Shawn wanted nothing to do with me. Like, usually he wanted to have sex every week, but after around… Valentine's day, he no longer wanted it. I'm not sure if it was because the sex was bad, or it was because I tried to comfort him afterwards.

What did I say to him? Well, the usual things you would say to a crying child. Things like, “it's not your fault,” and, “it's all going to be okay.” Well, that's what I tried to say. After a while I got sick of dealing with all of his crying… and I needed a break from him, so I said, “wait for a few minutes, if you fucking can, I need a break. I don't like dealing with this kinda drama.” I'm not sure if he cried because I said fucking and I never cuss or because he hates being alone. I'm serious, he hates being alone. Even if I'm going to the other side of the room or something like that, he'd start up with his crocodile tears. Well what if they're not fake? If they weren't fake I'll give ya twenty bucks, because I'm pretty sure that they were faked. He would cry his lil eyes out like there was no tomorrow. I doubt tears of such mass would be real.

So, let's talk about what happened. So Shawn wanted to get ice cream, which was weird, but I decided to ignore the signs and instead look at it positively… “maybe he just had a slump and now he wants to spend time with me?” I ignored all of the obvious signs… ever since… Halloween. I remember it clearly. He told me to leave him alone. I wasn't so sure back then, until we came back from trick or treating. There was food everywhere, almost like a big monster came in and spit everything that he didn't like back into the kitchen. But I knew what happened… probably at some time when I wasn't looking Shawn decides to binge on everything he liked… right after he vomited into the toilet like twice. I knew that because well, that time it was from a trash can, but it smelled funky. Like food.

Okay I need to stop with the backstory, if you care, ask me. So me and Shawn got ice cream. It was the first time I saw him smile in months. Since we no longer had sex together, I barely saw him smile. His smile is the purest. When he smiles, I feel happy that did the right thing. But something about the smile… felt off. Almost like it was faked or something else was hiding. I shook it off and pretended that I didn't think that. As soon as we got to the dorm, Shawn told me to leave him alone again. Again this is weird because he usually cried whenever I even took a step away from him, he'd count it as me wanting to get away from him, even though I just wanted to get my phone. I decided that I would leave him alone and walked to my friend's house.

Everything after that is pretty blurry, like I have some PTSD or something, but I'll try to tell you the best that I can. So after I was done talking with the cutie lil roomies, Carlos and Gered, I decided to go back home, but I didn't want to feel lonely by myself, so I asked them to come along and they said yes. So we walked, having a nice convo. But when we walked in, we heard nothing. Usually Shawn would be screaming, “you’re back! Don't ever leave me alone again!” And hug me tightly, but none of that happened. So I looked around, trying to find Shawn as I yelled his name. My friends looked around too, but less. Eventually we got to the bathroom, where I really didn't hope he was, and I knocked on the door, yelling his name once more.

There was no response. After awhile we all got bored and Gered suggested to just open the door. I said that he was probably holding it closed, but I tried anyways. The door opened, pretty easily, actually. Easier than usual. When we finally got to look, we saw Shawn laying on the floor, along with a knife and a heck ton of blood. Carlos probably fainted because Gered had to take him and ran away. I decided, like the idiot I am, to try to hold him while he was bleeding, and ran him outside before calling nine one one.

After awhile he woke up, but that was before I brought him all of his stuff and I was getting it from our dorm. According to the doctors he screamed so loudly due to being in a new location and not being with me. Eventually the patients were so annoyed that they had to put him asleep. And right after I came in he sprung awake and hugged me as rightly as he could, making me spill his belongings from my arms. Yeah I know that part isn’t that important, but it kinda shows how much he needs me. I know he does, but we couldn’t finish college if we didn’t go to the graduation! And obviously Shawn didn’t, and because I had to take care of him for the whole time, I couldn’t either. Ugh, I’m gonna have to go back to that place, and I thought I was done there. I guess not, since neither of us are really passing our classes anyways. Well Shawn is passing most except two… and I’m only passing like… two, and barely I might add. Heh heh… I'm not very good at school… soooo, back to what I was talking about. So… what should I do? I'm gonna have to do at least a few months in college again with Shawn as well, but I'm scared I'm not even gonna be able to graduate because Shawn’ll be all clingy again. I'm scared… alright?

Shawn, after a few hours finally woke up, confused and surprised that he wasn’t still on the floor. The room was white, few windows with little potted plants on the sills. He looked at the ceiling and then around the room, he knew exactly where he was, and wanted to get out immediately.

“G-get my outta here!” he yelled and screamed as he ran towards the door, pounding his fists on it as hard as he could, “I need Ashton! I NEED ASHTON!”

The doctors noticed it quickly, for obvious reasons, and took caution right away. Two doctors walked over to the door, being sure not to open it or the patient would get out, “sweetie, we need you to stay in there for a bit, but you’ll be able to get out soon, I swear,” the smaller doctor said, leaning towards the door to hear his response.

He stopped hitting the door and simply sat criss crossed, looking at the door, “but I want Ashton…” he whimpered, crossing his arms, “without him I feel alone and useless…”

“Well he’ll be here soon,” the doctor replied, “he’s getting you your things right now, he was really worried for you…”

He grabbed his arms, biting his lip, “I-I feel alone,,, I don’t like being alone... “ he sobbed a bit as he gave up sitting and laid on the floor.