“H-hellooooo… I’d like to like, order a pizza…”

“WHAT THE FUCK!?” said Ezekiel on the other line, “I’M NOT A PIZZA PLACE!”

“I’m robbing the pizza store… gimme your money and pizza or I’ll slit your throat…”

“I’m not a pizza store. What the fuck is a pizza store… anyways it’s Ezekiel. Do you still have me set as your emergency number!?”

Ashton realized shit his plan didn’t work and tried to slip the phone out of Alex’s hands and succeeded somehow, “uhhh, sorry for that. Alex’s asleep and-”

“I figured.”

“I’ll be hanging up now and-” and then Ezekiel hung up before he could, “bitch…” he said under his breath.

Whoopie now back to normal times.

“I didn’t prove nothin…” he pushed Carlos up and stood up after him, “get a waiter… I can barely stand up…” he groaned, then sat back down on the floor.

“Not if you keep sitting on the floor!” Carlos fumed.

“Fine,” Gered stood up and sat down in a chair, “better…?”

“Yes, thank you…” he sighed, then started slowly inching towards what he thought was a waiter.

“Go faster you dumb fuck!” Gered yelled at him, “you’ll never get to ‘em if you keep it at that speed! Their shift will be over before you get to them!”

“FUCK YOU!” he started speed walking towards the waiter. And then when he eventually got there he tried to get the waiter’s attention, but he’s terrible at that, so it didn’t really work. “Um- sir- miss? I don’t know- um-”

The waiter turned to face him, “what would you like?”

“M-my friend… if you can even call him that… um- he needs you- to order something-”

“And what is that?”

“Um… well- uh- ask him! I don’t know! I mean-”

The waiter stared at him for a bit and then walked away, seeming disinterested.

Carlos then awkwardly walked back to Gered which looked annoyed, “you fucking shithead! You didn’t even get me a waiting person!”

“A waiter.”

“Same thing!” he got up and started stumbling his way to a waiter, ironically the same waiter as before, “hey! You! I need an alcohol!”

“I feel like you don’t need anymore at this point…” the waiter looked over at him.

“It’s for like… home an’ stuff… ya know?”

“I do know but if you want alcohol go to the store and stop bugging me…”

“Don’t you wanna be famous?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Money? Fame?”

“If I give you a bottle will you go away?”

“Sure!”

“Fine, go sit back down and I’ll get you one in a sec.”

“Okay!” he wobbled back to his seat and sat down, “that was easy!”

“Didn’t look like it to me…” Carlos groaned, “you’re so stupid…”

I’m not stupid, I’m a big gay.”

He groaned again, “you’re a big stupid gay.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever... “ he stopped talking and just looked around the place like a child seeing the Crayola Factory for the first time.

Carlos noticed this and was a bit concerned, “ey, buddy, you okay?”

“Everything’s so pretty… I wish I was as pretty as this place…” he babbled while still looking around.

“Gered… I-I think you’re… I think you’re pretty…” he choked. It’s hard to say that to people sometimes oof.

“Really? Then why don’t you fuck me and-”

“GERED NO!”

He rested his chin on his hand, “why not? Am I too sexyyyyy for you?”

“No! Just- shut up!”

He pouted, “am I not pretty enough…?”

“No! Stop- stop listening to me! You’re drunk damn it! Everything you say is a lie! You couldn’t love me! You don’t love me! You hate me with every cell in your body!”

“... I’m not lying… you’re cute as hell. You’re totally my type and you’re cute too… even when you’re angry… by the way your face is redder than mine and I’m hella drunk.”

“Well I-”

Gered interrupted him by starting to chuckle, “you’re so silly…” he continued laughing, “you’re trying to reason… why you’re so red… when obviously, you’re trying to make yourself believe that I hate you… just to cover up your feelings for me…”

“No way! I said I- you hate me so what’s the point of being attracted to you anyways!?”

“Stop getting off track… how do you feel about me… I’ve said a million times today on how much I love you… tell me if you love me…”

“Can we do this somewhere more private? I can see Emma and friends over there,” he pointed to their table.

“Oh come on!” Emma yelled from the table.

“Shut up or I’ll slap your face off,” Alex groaned, finally waking up from his coma.

Gered tried to take his phone from his pocket but coordination is not his strong suit at the moment, “maybe if you call an uber, you are not driving us home…”

“Why not!? Am I not good enough for you!?”

“No you just drive really slow and I need to pee…”

“Then pee here you idiot!” he kept yelling at him rip both of them.

“I don’t like public toilets… I don’t want people seein’ my dick…”

“Do you like anything!?” at this point he was fully stood up ready to pull his own hair out.

“I like you baby…” he winked.

Carlos got out his phone and called for Janse bUT JANSE IS RIGHT THERE LOOK AT HIM. He heard the ring and turned his head towards it, “fuck… fuck fuck fuck-” he darted over to the group and hung up the phone, “I knew Emma was here but YOU TOO JANSE!? YOU TOO!?”

Janse merely shrugged, as there wasn’t much to be said.

“You- ugh, never mind- just please take us home please- you’re my wingman! Aren’t you!?”

He chuckled, “and there we have it, why these two are beautiful babies and are destined to be with each other.”

Then Emma and Ashton clapped, Shawn and Alex don’t give a fucc.

Carlos’ face got red, redder than before somehow, “you-” then he spouted a bunch of nonsensical gibberish, “you- take us home!”

“Aw you’re so cute, but I have other plans. I have- these losers, to take home, sorry,” he waved at him. His face screaming, ‘this is what you get bitch for not coming to the bar with me and Gered last week. Oh me and Gered got so wasted we got kicked out and if you were there we would’ve gotten home so screw you.’

“Fine! I-I’ll just call someone else!” he walked away from them while trying to call up Tyler or something, “hey-” and then the other person hung up, “fucking!-”

“And I thought… and I thought this was a Christian no cussing household…?”

“We’re not at home so it doesn’t count!” he grunted as he he tried to call someone else, to no success, “Gered, since you seem to be talkative, how about you get us a taxi!?”

“You mean an uber?”

“No I mean a taxi!”

“There are no taxis around here though…”

“Fuck it! Just do whatever you want! Just make sure it’s legal!”

“No promises on that but okay, also when’s that booze comin?-”

And then the waiter quickly put the alcohol on the table, then walking away briskly.

“Well shit okay, do I have to pay for that or- no? Okay,” he got onto his phone and called an uber, “it says it should be here in… fifteen to twenty minutes, sweet. Better than my last one…”

“What do you mean?”

“I tried to get one a week ago and it said two hours, like how far away are ya? I thought you were the closet!”

Carlos chuckled, “okay, so that’s good?”

“That’s good.”

He looked around awkwardly, “so, did you mean what you said earlier…?”

“Well fucking duh, what do you think?”

“Are you still drunk…?”

“Kkkinda, everything's still spinny but I’m living. You… you wanna cuddle…?”

“Cuddle?” he said with a voice crack.

He stood up and sat on Car’s lap, “yeah… cuddle…”

“C-can we do this when we get home?” he said with even more voice cracks.

“Only if you carry me outside…”

“B-but I physically can’t! You’re too- I’m too weak-”

He sighed and stood up again, “I get it, whatever, it’s “too embarrassing” to cuddle with me in public, since in this day and age you usually don’t see gay people, and when you do like half of the old people are transphobic…”

“What does transphobia have to do with gay people?”

“You know what I mean…”

“Homophobic…?”

“Whatever… let’s get outta here before the uber does.”

He nodded and they walked together to the entrance. They waited a few minutes but before they knew it the uber had come and they got in the car.

After a few minutes they got back to the college area and walked back to their dorm, “so, Gered,” he opened the door for him, following him after he went inside, “now you wanna do… whatever you wanted to do?”