Shit, at last I told him. Yes I did. I told Ethan that I like him. I was imagining myself being drowned in water, with a big heavy rock on my chest. Now even though the rock has somehow got off my chest, I am still finding myself drowning. I really want to go to the surface, but at the same time afraid what’s on the surface.

It’s been a while since none of us had spoken even a single word after the last statement I spoke. Too many scenarios were going in my mind. Like him becoming aggressive and stride towards me to beat the shit out of me, and many more reaction. I won’t lie; I was really hoping homophobic reaction from his side.

/* It was obvious for me to think like that. You telling your friend and that too the friend of the same gender that you like him/her and not in the friendly kind of way, makes you afraid of losing them. Damn movies and stories. We all see and hear in movies; series and other stuff how these situations turning into bad scenarios. Well good scenes also happen, but we always take the best ‘WORST’ case scenarios in these cases. I sometimes question myself why, what do you think? */

“Shall we go to your house? I really don’t want to get my cloths wet.”

“Yeah, oh… ok” I was really not expecting this reply.

No words spoken till we reached my house.

And then after sometime we reached my house. And when I opened the front door, and let our self in he was the one who started the conversation again.

“Is anyone there in the house?”

“Nah, mom and dad had to go out of station for some urgent work.”

Silence in the room.

“I think we should change, being in wet cloths will make us get cold.”

I can see from his expression that he is still confused, maybe more confused. I think I really messed up his mind. I gave him my cloths and then we changed into shorts and t-shirts, and I put the wet cloths in basket which will get washed later, but I don’t know when. He sat on the chair next to me table, got into his mobile and since there wasn’t anything for me to do, so I laid on my bed.

/* What am I supposed to do? I confessed a guy that I like him, and now he is just scrolling in his phone. Should I initiate the conversation again? Or should I also ignore the fact that I have to conclude this conversation with or without a good ending and be in this awkward situation. Can I make this awkward situation more awkward? Well I am in the awkward situation so I can at least do a favor to myself and get an answer. */

I turned my head towards him and said,

“Are we going to ignore what I said?”

SHITTT! This wasn’t going to be my beginning statement. But now it is.

He turned his head as well but he didn’t answer. Another pause was about to begin, but this time I didn’t let it last long. So I burst out.

“See, I really don’t know if you are in shock, denial, angry, whatever maybe. But you really have to answer me. I really need a reaction. Get angry, get shocked, or as seen in movies- go total homophobic, say “Sorry man, but I don’t do guys, I am straight” or … or… anything but please I need to know what are you thinking.”

I didn’t realized when I changed my position from laying to sitting but now I was sitting on my bed. Grabbing the edge tightly, waiting for a response. Please answer me Drake, that’s all I am asking. My eyes constantly looking at him, he without blinking his eyes didn’t broke the eye contact. Now he turned his chair. Now we are facing each other, face to face. Oh ok, its judgment time.

“What if my option is not mentioned in the above options?”

“So, tell me what’s your answer is. I just want to know. Just tell me.”

He stood up took slow steps towards me and ran his hands in my hair. And then his hand travelled back, and grabbed it lightly. He raised my head a little my eyes meeting his. I can feel his breath on my nose and lips, and my lips got apart on its own. And the next thing I felt was his lips, locked on mine. I was really caught off guarded. At first I hesitate, I was pulling myself back but then he wrapped his other hand around my back and pulled me close. I got the assurance that he wants this kiss, and man I would lying if I said I didn’t want this kiss too. Now our tongues were in each other’s mouth, exploring the depth of it. I knew I would be getting out of breath and I have to break the kiss, but I didn’t want to.

And somehow we got apart at the same instant. When our lips left each other’s surface very thin line saliva was hanging in between, getting stretched while our lips were getting further and further away. And when I saw his eyes, they were saying something else. And I wanted to hear it all.

“I wanted to do this to you for a very long time. And I would be lying myself if I will deny it now.”

“So, you felt the same thing?”

“Yes” and a long breath left his body.

“So…So…” I was stumbling like a child who just learnt a word and is trying to say it again.

“So why didn’t you said anything?”

“Because I was afraid, afraid of you being acting total… you know… the whole lot of things you said before. They came to my mind every time when I get feelings, urges to do things what comes in my mind.”

“Ethan I …” and he grabbed my cheeks again and kissed my again, pushing his tongue down my throat. Now he also came on the bed, stretching his legs apart sitting on me. I wrapped my hands around his back so as to not to lose the balance. For once it came to me that it might be dreaming, I am dreaming this but no, I wasn’t. This was real, so real. And we gave ourselves a chance, we lost the balance and fall on the bed. He is on top of me now. He slides his hand from my checks to the back of my neck and started lightly to rub it. My neck was getting a little bit warm, but that sensation was giving my body a whole new arousal. And in response, I clutched him with both of my hands to press him against my chest, my body, and press against me. And we were giggling. It really made the mood right. And my mouth just opened to say the worst thing I could say to wreck the mood.

“If I didn’t have said my heart and head out, would you ever have?”