Friday, October 19th

     Jesse had been ignoring his mother’s phone calls ever since Felipe had kicked him out of the house. She called at least a dozen times on Thursday, and Friday wasn’t an exception.

Jesse wondered if she had forgotten the fact that he was in school until around one in the afternoon. By the time school ended, she had already tried to call him seven times. He wasn’t really in the mood to answer her call.

She was probably going to tell him to come home and stop disrespecting Felipe. But to Jesse, it was too early. Too early to go back, too early to face Felipe, too early to pretend he was going to listen. He knew Felipe would test him, by making a new appointment to get his tattoo removed, and Jesse was never going to comply with his wishes.

Not just because he really liked his tattoo and because Calix was still impressed by him getting a tattoo in the first place. No, Jesse thought it would be a waste of money too, to get a tattoo removed within a month after getting it.

Besides, it was his money, his body, his decision.

There was just one problem, and that was the fact that he still loved his mother. He didn’t hate her, even if she kept siding with Felipe and allowed Felipe to treat him poorly.

His mother was just as afraid of Felipe as Jesse himself was. And Jesse had witnessed Felipe turning his anger towards her whenever she tried to protect Jesse, more than once. He didn’t want to go back to that same situation. But the least he could do was let his mother know he had shelter, and he was fine. She didn’t need to worry over him.

But she couldn’t know that, unless Jesse answered the phone and told her himself. So, when she called again while he was walking towards his bike, he decided to answer anyway. Even if he wasn’t going to go home no matter how much she begged him.

“Hey mom,” Jesse greeted her with a neutral voice when he answered her call. “I was in school.”

“Hi sweetie,” she greeted him back. She sounded sad, and that did something to Jesse. He didn’t want his mother to be sad, or unhappy. “Good to hear you still go to school.”

“Yeah…” Jesse took in a deep breath. “I’m fine, mom. I’ve got a place to stay, I’m still going to school…”

“Good… Good.” She sounded a bit distant, as if she was deep in thought. “I miss you,” she eventually whispered with a thick voice full of emotions.

“I miss you too, but I’m not coming home, sorry.”

“I… I wasn’t calling to ask you to come home. Felipe is still furious, and I don’t think you’d be safe here, to be honest.”

“All the more reason to stay the hell away from him,” Jesse replied, unlocking his bike in the meantime. He was glad Axel got detention, and Calix went home with Francesca. He wouldn’t have been able to talk to his mother freely, if they had been there. “So why are you calling me?”

“We need to talk, Jesse.” She suddenly sounded a lot firmer. As if she suddenly was on a mission. “We need to talk, face to face.”

Jesse didn’t miss her tone of voice. She was serious, and she wasn’t going to accept no for an answer. But that didn’t mean Jesse was going to listen just like that. She had hurt him too, and he wasn’t really up for a meeting.

“Jesse? I need to tell you the truth, and I’m not going to tell you over the phone. Will you please meet me at Shakespeare’s in half an hour?”

“The truth?” Jesse repeated her words carefully. “The truth about what?”

“About you, and why Felipe hates you.”

Jesse knew why Felipe hated him. It was evident with the way he had treated him for years. But to hear his mother admit he really hated Jesse, still stung. She, nor Felipe had ever openly admitted it, even if it was clear as day. His mother had just confirmed what Jesse already knew. But while he always had kept a tiny bit of hope that he was wrong, and that Felipe still cared about him a little, his mother’s words had taken that away.

“I’ll be there in half an hour,” Jesse replied with a sigh. “But I’m not going home, no matter what you tell me.”

“I don’t expect you to, either,” his mother told him, sounding relieved.

“Good.”

Jesse hung up the phone without a proper goodbye, took his bike and decided he could get to Loek’s apartment to dump his school stuff and still be in time to meet her at Shakespeare in half an hour. That way he didn’t have to carry his stuff around, and he would kill some time too.

As soon as he entered the apartment ten minutes later, Mees looked up from his laptop, and shot him an annoyed look.

“Oh, you again?”

“Don’t worry, I won’t bother you, I’ll be out in a minute,” Jesse told him, while he noticed his annoyance towards Mees’ attitude was showing. He shouldn’t be ungrateful towards him, even if he decided to kick him out again. This was his place after all.

“Are you going to be home for dinner?” Mees didn’t sound as if he was excited for Jesse to join for dinner, but he did ask him if he was going to be home for dinner.

“If you don’t mind my presence…” Jesse muttered insecurely. “I mean, I get it if you want me out…”

“I’ll make dinner for three,” Mees cut him short, “but we do need to talk about this whole arrangement.”

“Right, we can talk tonight, if you want?”

“Yes, when Loek is present too.” Mees nodded in agreement. “We’ll eat around six, don’t be late.”

“Thanks, Mees,” Jesse replied. “I really appreciate it.”

Mees didn’t answer anymore, focusing back on his laptop. So Jesse dumped his backpack in Loek’s bedroom and took off again. At least he was welcome for dinner once more. He could only hope he was allowed to stay over for at least one more night.

     It was nerve-racking to sit at Shakespeare’s with a milkshake, waiting for his mother to arrive. He didn’t know what she was going to tell him, and how it would affect him. He hated how he wasn’t in control of the situation in that moment.

He was biting his nails when his mother showed up and slid into the booth across from him. She looked a bit of a mess, with her hair up in a messy bun, and dark bags under her eyes, and a small bruise on her cheekbone.

“Did he hit you?”

“No, it was an accident. I was being clumsy,” she answered while taking a look at the menu, contemplating on ordering something too.

She was lying. Jesse knew her well enough to know how she behaved when she was lying, and one of the things was that she would touch her nose while looking away.

And she had touched her nose. They were small details, but Jesse knew all of her tics and habits in any situation. He had seen her lie to Felipe before.

“Right,” Jesse huffed. “Why are you still with him?”

“I love Felipe, Jesse. Even if he’s a bit aggressive sometimes. He can be really sweet and caring and he’s great with your brothers…”

“Just not with me,” Jesse concluded. “And you’re here to tell me why.”

She nodded and swallowed hard. She kept silent when a waitress approached them to take her order, and she remained silent until she got her milkshake.

Jesse used the time to observe her, noticing she was biting her lip, she was constantly shuffling in her seat. She seemed restless and nervous.

“So, what is the truth you wanted to talk about?” Jesse eventually asked when the silence was becoming awkward. How was it that he was seated with his own mother and they both didn’t seem to know how to start a conversation? Since when did they act awkward around each other?

“Well,” she replied before sighing deeply. “You know how Felipe always claims you’re not his son?”

“Obviously I know. He won’t stop reminding me. Let me guess, I’m not his son? And I have some mystery guy as my biological father?” Jesse joked, wanting to lighten the mood.

“Well, yes. That’s pretty much exactly what I wanted to tell you. He’s not your father.” His mother looked him straight in the eyes, and Jesse noticed her eyes were watery. She was getting emotional, while Jesse fell silent again.

He had no idea how to respond. Sure, he always had a hunch Felipe’s claim wasn’t just made up. But Jesse had always thought his father had a reason to doubt Jesse being his biological son. But his mother was right in front of him, telling him Felipe had been right all those years, and Jesse was indeed not his son.

“I’m sorry for not telling you sooner, but I just didn’t know how. And I didn’t want you to feel less important than your brothers…”

“Half-brothers,” Jesse corrected her. “What the hell, mom?” he exclaimed as soon as the shock had settled and he found the ability to speak again. “If he’s not my father, then who is?”

“Your father is a Finnish man named Olaf. I was in a relationship with him for about a year when I got pregnant,” his mother explained with sad eyes staring at him. “He didn’t want any kids…”

“You cheated on Felipe, and I’m the one getting all the shit for it?” Jesse hissed, cutting her story short. “How is he not blaming you instead? I didn’t choose for all of that!”

“Jesse, calm down. Felipe and I were on a break shortly after Ivy was born. Things didn’t go well, we fought all the time, and with Ivy being a difficult child, we thought it was best to separate ways.”

Jesse wanted to reply, but he didn’t no idea what to reply.

“Olaf didn’t want any children, and he left me when he found out I was pregnant. Felipe came to comfort me, and we decided on raising your brothers together again. When Felipe found out I was pregnant with another man’s child, he wanted me to get an abortion, but I refused. I’m not even sure if it was still possible at that moment. But I love Felipe, and while we were still fighting about you a lot, he was kind and caring, and he was great with your brothers.”

“So, you married him, even if he hated me?”

“I was young, I was scared. I didn’t know how to raise four children by myself. Felipe insisted on marrying, because that was just what people did. You weren’t supposed to be a single mother of four, with children from two different men.”

“And still, I got shit for it, while I didn’t want any of this.”

“And I tried talking to Felipe many times before. But he says you keep reminding him of the fact that he almost lost me, and he felt betrayed when I decided to keep you.”

“Which still isn’t my fault!” Jesse called out in anger. “You know, the least you could’ve done was pretend I was his son, or whatever you could to stop him from treating me this poorly. You allowed him to hit me, you allowed him to deny me food, to punish me for shit he didn’t like while Gregory, Hayden and Ivy got away with the exact same things,” Jesse continued his angry rant.

He felt bad for his mother, yes. But it didn’t make any of it right.

“You allowed him to kick me out, and while you know he’ll hurt me if I ever come back, you still choose to stay with him.”

“Jesse…”

“No, mom,” Jesse again cut her short. He didn’t want to hear any of it. “I’m done. I don’t want to see you, or that idiot ever again. Don’t ever call me again.” Jesse got up from his seat, and hurried outside, away from her and her stupid truth. She had lied to him for years.

And the worst part wasn’t even the fact that he wasn’t Felipe’s real son, or how he didn’t want him at all. It was logical he didn’t love Jesse since he wasn’t his own biological son.

No, the worst part was that he found out not one, but two men didn’t want him as their son. Not to mention the fact that his mother still decided to stay with Felipe, after all that happened.

All of it made him feel alone, unwanted and worthless.