Friday, October 19th

     By the time Jesse made it back to the apartment, his eyes were red because he had been crying, his throat had ran dry, and a headache had presented itself. He hated crying, but he couldn’t stop himself after what he learned today.

His face was probably a mess.

No, scratch that, he looked like a mess overall, not just his face.

As soon as he entered the apartment, Mees and Loek shortly looked up to greet him. But they both remained completely silent when they saw him. Mees had closed his laptop within seconds, and Loek had rushed in his direction.

“What happened?” he asked while he guided Jesse towards the couch. Mees placed his laptop on the table, and sat up, prepared to listen.

Jesse opened his mouth, but the only sound that left his throat was a sob, and new tears started to roll down his cheeks. He had pulled the sleeves of his hoodie over his hand, using them to hide his face, and the tears that kept on coming.

“Jesse?” Loek carefully asked, but he didn’t continue. He just sat next to Jesse, awkwardly rubbing his back. “Calm down, it’s okay. We’re here for you.”

Jesse shook his head once, telling him he was still unable to talk, sobbing like a baby. He didn’t want Loek to see him like this. He didn’t want anyone to see him this weak. For years, he had acted tough, as if nothing bothered him. But that day, it had been too much.

Something inside him had snapped, and anger and sadness were the only emotions that he felt. No, it were the only emotions that completely controlled him, and he wanted to cry and scream in the same time. He wanted to punch something—preferably Felipe or Olaf.

But they weren’t here; he couldn’t hurt them. He couldn’t hurt them the way they had hurt him.

“Here, drink some water.” Mees’ voice sounded calm, and Jesse peeked over his sleeves to find Mees standing in front of him with a glass of water. He took the glass from his hold and gulped down the contents.

“What happened?” Loek repeated his initial question.

“They… they… they didn’t want me…” Jesse sobbed. He was shaking, he was in pain. Not physically, but mentally. And it all came out right in front of Mees and Loek.

Both seemed at a loss for what to do, so they waited until Jesse was able to explain what he meant.

He didn’t know how long it took to calm down enough to tell them more, but eventually, after another glass of water and a whole lot of ugly-crying, he managed to calm down enough.

He wiped the tears from his cheek, and kept his gaze onto the floor. “My father didn’t want me. And Felipe didn’t want me. And mom didn’t care how he treated me. She could’ve done something.”

“You need to elaborate if you want us to understand, Jesse.” Loek was still rubbing his back with a hand and used the other to wipe away a lost tear. “Why are you suddenly this upset? Help me understand.”

“I spoke to mom today,” Jesse whispered with a croaky voice. “She told me Felipe isn’t my real father, and that some guy named Olaf is. And he didn’t want me, so he left. Felipe didn’t want me either because I’m not his son. Mom still let him treat me poorly even if she says she loves me, and I just can’t take it anymore. Nobody wants me in their lives. I’m not good enough. Mom says I shouldn’t come home. What kind of mother tells her son not to come home? She doesn’t know where I’m staying, if I’m safe, if I’m okay.” Jesse ranted, and Loek and Mees let him, both waiting patiently until he was finished.

When he fell silent, Loek pulled him in a hug, and Jesse let him. At least Loek didn’t mind hugging him. At least Loek didn’t mind showing that he cared.

At least someone cared, and it calmed him down further.

“They’re idiots, if they didn’t want you,” Loek told him with a firm voice. “You’re a kind and funny guy. You’re smart, you’re like the perfect son-in-law. “Don’t think you’re not good enough for even a second.”

“Yeah, they’re the ones that aren’t good enough to be a father,” Mees agreed with a nod. “Any coward who runs from his responsibilities isn’t worth your tears, Jesse. I know it’s hard. I’ve seen it happen to Loek before.”

“But you don’t want me here either,” Jesse muttered, fiddling with his sleeves. “You want me out of here too…

“No, Jesse.” Mees shook his head. “I don’t want you out of here. I just don’t know you. I didn’t know how bad things were, okay? But I’m not kicking you out. I don’t think you should leave. If Loek says you need to stay here, you’re welcome to stay for as long as you want.”

“See?” Loek whispered, nudging him with an elbow. “You’re welcome here.”

“I just wish my own goddamn parents would think about me that way,” Jesse whispered sadly, letting out a deep sigh. “I’m so done with feeling unloved or unwanted. And when mom told me Olaf didn’t want me, and Felipe wanted her to get an abortion… something snapped.”

“Which is normal, Jesse. You have feelings too, and honestly, I don’t think your mother respected your feelings by bluntly telling you those things while you just got kicked out of your house.” Loek planted a kiss on top of his head. “And we’re gonna help you get back on your feet. We’ll support you.”

“Thanks, guys…” Jesse cleared his throat. “I appreciate your help, I really do.”

     Jesse was confused when Loek woke him up around one in the morning. He got used to waking up in his bed by now, even if it had only been the third time. But the timing was what confused him.

After he came back to them completely upset, they had played a few video games to distract Jesse, and Mees had ordered pizza instead of cooking because Jesse craved pizza.

Shortly after eating, Jesse had gone to bed, exhausted by the day’s events. He had slept for about four hours, when Loek was right beside his bed, gesturing for him to be quiet.

“Huh? Why’re you waking me up?” Jesse muttered, rolling over to sit up on the bed.

“We’re going to have some fun, okay?” He threw a black hoodie towards Jesse. “Dress code is black.”

Jesse frowned, rubbing his eyes to try and wake up further. “What are we going to do?”

“I’ll show you later, okay? But don’t wear good clothes. Comfortable, black clothes. Deal?” Loek patted his head. There was a devilish glint in his eyes. A mischievous smirk on his face. “Trust me, you’ll feel better afterwards,” he said right before leaving the bedroom.

“If you say so…” Jesse mumbled, getting out of bed to put on black pants and the hoodie Loek had thrown at him. When he was ready, he walked out of the bedroom, finding Loek in the hallway with a backpack in his hands.

Jesse was still not fully awake, and he was even more confused when Loek told him to leave his bike, they were going to walk.

“Loek, I hate walking in the middle of the night after my sleep got disturbed.” He grumbled, following Loek nonetheless.

“Do you trust me?”

“I don’t trust someone who wakes me up in the middle of the night, not telling me what we’re going to do.”

“Ouch,” Loek pretended he was hurt. Jesse rolled his eyes and got a laugh in return. A laugh that he liked hearing, despite the fact that he was moody. He was always moody shortly after waking up, no matter what time he woke up.

“Just tell me what we’re doing,” Jesse tried to get him to talk again. But when Loek simply shook his head, Jesse gave up, and followed him in silence.

“You know I was kicked out by my parents too, right?” Loek eventually started talking after an awkward silence.

“Yes.”

“I felt completely lost, hurt, betrayed. Most feelings you feel too, am I right?”

“Yes.”

“I went to a psychologist because I was really lost. I was in a really bad place back then, and Mees forced me to seek help. Without him, I don’t know if I’d be standing here today.”

“Are we going to see a psychologist in the middle of the night?” Jesse joked, even though he still sounded grumpy.

“No, but what we’re going to do can be classified as therapy, if you ask me.” Loek mysteriously told him, nearly skipping in excitement. “My psychologist told me to find hobbies that would take my mind off things. That would help me process everything that happened.”

“And one hobby involved going out in the middle of the night, looking like a burglar?”

“Jeez, you can be really moody, you know?” Loek was smiling nonetheless.

It was something Jesse admired in Loek; he hadn’t caught him grumpy, angry, sad, or anything negative in the past week. And since they were living in the same apartment, that was saying something. Still, Jesse liked Loek’s positive attitude, and since he went through something similar and came out the way he did, Jesse trusted his judgement.

Which meant he trusted that whatever they were going to do was going to help him feel better.

“At first, it didn’t involve getting out at night. I found places where I could do it legally.”

Now, that caught Jesse’s attention. “So, we’re going to do something illegal,” he stated the obvious. Mostly because of what Loek said, but also because they wore black.

“We need to climb.” Loek gestured to a small wall close to an old building that seemed deserted.

Jesse frowned, and watched how Loek climbed onto the small stone wall, and onto the garage of the building, before he followed his example. He wasn’t someone that did illegal stuff, but his curiosity was growing. And when he got curious, he was prepared to do a lot to find out what was going on. So, he climbed onto the garage too, finding Loek next to a wall.

“Why are we here?” Jesse wondered out loud, looking around. They were on the backside of a house—unused, but Jesse noticed it looked decent on the inside when he peeked through a window.

“I’m going to teach you to make graffiti art.” Loek opened the backpack and showed him a dozen spray cans, gloves and two masks. “Here, put this on. The damps are toxic, and small amounts can get you high. You do not want to get high right now.”

“How so?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time someone called the cops.” Loek chuckled. “I only have one rule. You listen to me. So, when I say run, you drop everything and run. And you don’t run towards our apartment, but towards the park. There’s plenty of hiding space and it’s close by.”

“Okay.” Jesse nodded, feeling eager to grab a can and start. “Show me how to do this.”

Loek nodded, and for the next half an hour, the two of them created art on the wall. Jesse had decided on the text ‘I’m free’ and Loek had outlined the whole thing. Jesse was actually having fun, until Loek suddenly grabbed his arm, squeezing it tightly.

“What?”

“Ssht.”

Jesse ducked when Loek did, and shortly after that, a flashlight became visible, shining onto their artwork. “This way,” Loek whispered, pulling Jesse further away from the side of the garage. Loek quickly grabbed the bag, leaving the two cans they were using right before they got busted, and pulled Jesse towards another garage. In between the two, Loek jumped down, and Jesse followed suit.

And that’s when they ran as if their lives depended on it. Jesse couldn’t stop himself from laughing once they got to the park and nobody was seemingly following them.

“Damn, Loek. I did not expect this from you.”

Loek smiled after he finished laughing. “Hope you had fun, Jesse.”

“Yeah, I did. Thanks, Loek. That was fun indeed.”