Sunday, October 21st

Calix: Can we talk today?

It was a simple request. No room left for imagination. No time to overthink the situation and come up with the things Jesse wanted to say.

Jesse bit his lip, staring at the simple text he had received about an hour ago. Why was it so hard for him to face Calix? They’d had arguments before. They never remained angry for long. Why would it be different this time? Calix was probably going to apologize, Jesse would forgive him because that’s just what he always did, they’d share a laugh, and forget all about it.

So why was he hesitant about meeting Calix that very same day? He didn’t need much time to come up with the things he wanted to tell Calix—which was nothing. He knew he wanted Calix to stop interfering with his life, and his decisions, and his relationship with Yoni—even if it was technically a fake relationship.

Was it because he was still on cloud nine, after Loek had kissed him repeatedly throughout the night but was still the gentleman that kissed him goodnight and went to sleep on the couch instead of diving in the same bed as Jesse?

Couldn’t say he wasn’t a bit disappointed, but he knew it had been the right decision not to sleep with Loek. The kissing part was already complicating things more than enough.

He didn’t need to be scared that Calix would notice him still glowing from the kisses. He could always tell Calix it was because of Yoni.

He had no reason not to talk to Calix, and eventually he replied to him with a deep sigh.

Jesse: sure, where

Jesse put the phone in his pocket, grabbed a hoodie and left the bedroom to get some breakfast, even if it was well after noon. He found Mees on the couch, with his laptop, while calling at the same time.

Loek was in the kitchen, filling up the dishwasher while whistling a song that sounded familiar.

“You’re happy,” he stated, heading over to the fridge to grab yoghurt.

“Well of course I am,” Loek replied happily, turning around to look at him while leaning against the counter. “Why wouldn’t I? We kissed.”

“Is that something to be happy about?” Jesse frowned. Yes, he felt good, and kissing Loek made him happy, but not happy enough to whistle a song while doing the dishes. Or not to have a bad mood in the morning—afternoon.

“Yes,” Loek whispered as he stood behind Jesse, watching him put cereals in a bowl, filling it up with yoghurt. “And if Mees hadn’t been home…” Loek whispered into his ear without finishing his sentence.

“Aren’t you old and wise enough to make such decisions without caring about your brother’s opinion?” Jesse tried not to smile, but Loek kissed his neck, and that did things to him.

Loek suddenly stepped away, and Jesse’s frown increased because of it.

“I just don’t want him to hear us,” Loek stated, continuing with the dishes. This time it was Jesse who was observing him while leaning against the counter.

He munched down a bite of cereals while he thought about Loek’s words. Something told Jesse that he was lying, that Mees possibly hearing them wasn’t the reason they didn’t sleep together.

There was something about Mees’ warning not to hurt Loek, and the way Loek acted in that very moment, that told Jesse this was a bit more complicated than he thought before. It wasn’t just a big brother protecting his younger brother because they were brothers. No, there was more to it.

But Loek didn’t seem too eager to talk about it, and Jesse wasn’t going to pry things out of him. He hated it when his friends tried to do the same with him, so why would he do it to Loek? It obviously wasn’t any of his business. If it had been, either one of them would’ve told him what was going on.

“So, Calix wants to talk to me today,” Jesse told Loek, casually changing the subject. “I guess I’ll be out for a while. We usually talk and then hang out for a while.”

“Oh, that’s fine. Will you be home for dinner?” Loek sounded… off. As if he wasn’t fully there with his thoughts.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Okay,” Loek answered, before sighing deeply. “Are you going to tell him that you’re living here?”

“Oh, no. We’re probably going to talk about the argument we had yesterday. We’re never angry at each other for long. I’ve known him since preschool and our longest fight lasted a week because he was on vacation and we couldn’t talk.” Jesse chuckled at the memory.

“That’s good, I guess.” Loek turned around and smiled—though it seemed forced.

“Yeah…” Jesse mumbled, frowning at his cereal. Why was their conversation suddenly so… hard? So far, their conversations always flowed well, yet in that moment, it didn’t. It was awkward, and Jesse felt uncomfortable because of it.

Luckily, his phone buzzed in his pocket, and it gave him a distraction. A break from talking to Loek.

Calix: Did you just wake up?

Jesse: maybe

Calix: Some things never change… ;)

Calix: Meet me at the skatepark in half an hour?

Jesse smiled at his phone. Yeah, some things never changed. Like Jesse waking up in the afternoon during the weekends, or Calix causing him to smile like a fool without putting in any effort.

Jesse: sure, gonna skate?

Calix: Maybe :)

“You really like him, don’t you?” Loek sounded sad, and Jesse realised he was still in the same room.

“Oh, shut up,” Jesse grumbled, unable to stop himself from smiling. “Yeah, I do,” he admitted anyway.

“Well, he’s a lucky guy.” Loek smiled, and this time it seemed genuine. “I’ll see you when you’re back.” Loek left the kitchen without another word, and when Jesse finished his breakfast and went to the living room, Loek wasn’t there, and he heard the shower running in the background.

Something didn’t feel right, but Jesse had no time to think about it. He couldn’t be late at the skatepark, and he still needed to sneak into his parental home to grab his skateboard.

He made a mental note to talk to Loek later that day, before he left in a hurry.

     Somehow, Jesse had successfully sneaked into his old room to take his skateboard with him, all to prevent Calix from getting suspicious.

Jesse Santias did not go to a skatepark without his skateboard. Not in this universe, and not in any alternate universe.

He already spotted Calix on a bench close by the half pipe, watching a group of younger kids mess around on it. Axel and Simon were using the box, and some girls were chilling on a small ramp close to Calix.

Jesse hated the way how they were looking at him, giggling and talking behind their hands. They were checking him out, and Jesse couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous. They were able to openly talk about a crush on Calix; they were able to show their interest.

And there was Jesse, who had been madly in love with him for years, and had only told one guy about his crush when he was wasted.

Jesse rolled his eyes and used his skateboard to close the distance between him and Calix, who looked up as soon as he heard him getting closer.

“Hey,” Calix greeted him, but he didn’t seem too happy. What was it with Sundays that made people seem slightly less happy? Calix was the kind of guy who was either angry over something, or happy.

Calix didn’t do sad.

So, why was he looking sad?

“Hey, dude. What’s wrong?” Jesse sat down next to him, frowning because Calix seemed really down now that he was right in front of him.

“I eh… need to apologize for my behaviour yesterday. I had no right to attack Yoni the way I did.”

“Dude, don’t tell me that’s why you’re sad? You know I won’t stay angry over that. Yeah, I didn’t like what you did, but I already forgot about it. Well, almost. I do want you to apologize to Yoni. She was pretty shaken by it.”

“Yeah, I will… I just…” Calix cleared his throat, biting his lip all nervously.

Jesse gave him a once-over, noticing he wasn’t looking as flawless as usual. He was wearing a bit of an oversized hoodie—while Calix never wore clothes that were too wide for him. His shoelaces were undone, and his hair looked like he left it the way it was when he got out of bed.

“Is something wrong?” Jesse carefully asked while he failed to make eye contact. Calix eyes were darting all over the place. He was looking anywhere but at Jesse.

“Francesca and I broke up,” he managed to get out. His voice was thick with emotions, and Jesse was afraid he was going to cry any second now.

When Calix covered his face with his hands, Jesse felt at a loss of what to do. He awkwardly placed his hand on his shoulder, patting it in an attempt to show him some support. But he knew the gesture was pretty useless.

“What happened? You two seemed so…”

“It was all fake, Jesse,” he cried out, suddenly pulling his head up to look at Jesse in agony. “She cheated, and we tried to fix things... but I just, I couldn’t… I kept thinking about it…”

“What? When? How long has this been going on?”

“Since summer,” Calix admitted in a whisper. “She slept with a guy she met on vacation. I wanted to forgive her, I really did. But… every time we kissed…”

“Jeez dude, that’s fucked up!” Jesse exclaimed. “I’m so…”

Jesse fell silent when Calix buried his face in Jesse’s neck, sobbing uncontrollably. He awkwardly put his arms around Calix, patting him on his back gently.

“There, there…” he offered weakly, completely drawing a blank now. “It’s not the end of the world…”

“It hurts so bad, Jesse,” Calix whispered in between his sobbing. “I thought she was the one.”

“Dude, aren’t you overreacting a bit here?” Jesse pushed Calix away from him, holding his shoulders and looking at his face. A tearstained face, but beautiful nonetheless. “You’re seventeen. More girls will come along. She’s not worth your love if she cheats on you. Really, Cal, it’s her loss.”

“It’s easy for you to say,” Calix muttered, trying to wipe his tears away. “You’ve got Yoni. You two are perfect together.”

“We aren’t perfect either, Cal. Nobody is. No relationship is. Look at it from the bright side: you and Axel can totally go on a girl hunt together. Be each other’s wingman and everything.”

“That’s the bright side?” Calix asked, but he chuckled anyway. “You suck at cheering someone up.”

“Honestly, I just woke up an hour ago, and here I am, trying to cheer you up despite my morning mood.”

“Morning mood, he says at three in the afternoon.” Calix chuckled again, and every time he did, Jesse’s heart fluttered, his stomach flipped and his skin tingled. “I’m just going to stay single for a while, though.” He sighed. “I don’t think any sane girl wants a guy who cries whenever he’s reminded of his ex anyway.”

Oh Calix, you have no idea.

Jesse might not be entirely sane with his ever-growing crush on Calix, but he would die to get a shot of love with Calix, no matter how heartbroken he was over his ex.