Wednesday, October 24th

     Everything went to hell, and Jesse was at a complete loss of what to do. For the most part, he just wanted to stay in bed until he died, hiding from the world for the rest of his life.

Or he could move.

Yes, moving far away was an option, if he had the money for it.

But obviously, it wasn’t an option, and he was stuck staying with Loek and Mees since there was probably nobody else left who would take him in. Maybe not even Yoni at the moment.

But he had Loek, and Loek had come home when Jesse called him a second time and couldn’t pronounce a single word because he was sobbing too much. He was still ugly-crying when Loek had made it home, and for a solid hour, Loek held Jesse in his arms, trying to calm him down.

It was to no avail. For the rest of the evening, every little thing made him burst into tears again. Mees eventually gave up on working on his laptop, ordered in some pizza, and tried helping Loek to distract Jesse.

But Jesse felt as if his life was over, and nothing they said or did could stop him from thinking it.

It wasn’t until the early hours of the morning that Jesse had fallen asleep with Loek still holding him protectively.

In the morning, when Jesse refused to leave his bed, Mees called school to call him in sick and explain why Jesse’s parents didn’t just call. One by one, more secrets were revealed. Slowly, more people knew about him getting kicked out of his parental home, more people knew about Donna and Yoni, and more and more people were sending him texts to ask if he had known about them.

Jesse eventually threw his phone across the room, where it hit the wall and shattered into pieces.

No more texts or calls, no more questions, no nothing. It was quiet after that, and Jesse didn’t regret it for one second. Yes, he could’ve just shut his phone off and leave it like that, but it felt far better to break it.

He didn’t want to go to school to find out who else knew about his sexuality. Maybe Axel had only told Calix, maybe he had told others too.

One thing Jesse knew for sure was that Axel was angry. And an angry Axel equalled revenge. And Axel had the perfect revenge; outing Jesse to everyone who was willing to listen.

Loek had to work, and Mees stayed home to keep him company. More so, to force him to eat something, and drink water to keep himself hydrated after all the tears he had shed.

His life was a mess, and he didn’t know how to clean up the mess.

He had no idea how anyone thought about homosexuality, and if they’d turn their backs on him now that he was outed. Not to forget, he had betrayed Axel by not telling him about Donna.

But at the same time, Jesse didn’t regret keeping it a secret. When Donna would be coming out wasn’t his decision to make, and if he had told Axel about her, he would’ve told him about Yoni too. He kept two people’s wishes in mind when he decided not to tell Axel.

And now he probably lost one of his best friends.

And his other best friend would probably be disgusted by the idea that Jesse was in love with him.

Jesse had expected to be alone with Mees for most of the day, but around noon, Loek came walking in with a smile on his face that made even Mees frown.

“What are you up to? I know that look,” Mees asked him while sending him a distrustful look.

“Jesse, get dressed.”

“Why?” Jesse asked without any emotion in his voice. He was currently lying on the couch in sweatpants and a hoodie, obviously hiding most of his face under his hood. “I’m perfectly comfortable in these clothes, in this spot.”

“We’re going to have some fun, okay?” Loek pouted when Jesse looked up. “Pretty please?”

“Are you the one whose life got ruined in less than a week?” Jesse wondered out loud, pushing himself up anyway. “Are you the one allowed to pout? I got kicked out of my home, found out Felipe isn’t my dad, and lost my two best friends in one day while my biggest secret is no longer a secret. I’m allowed to pout, you are not.”

“Yeah, but I don’t care about pouting, and you obviously do,” Loek told him while waving a hand in his direction.

It was true, Jesse hated pouting people. Even if he was wallowing in self-pity. He stood up from the couch with a deep sigh, rolling his eyes while he passed Loek on his way to the bedroom.

“By the way, Mees is picking up a bed for you tonight,” Loek informed him while he followed him to the bedroom. “So you’ll have your own room soon.”

“Thanks, now can you leave? You wanted me to get dressed to go out.”

“Yeah, so why do I need to leave?”

“Because…” Jesse whined. “I need to change my underwear too.”

“Nothing I haven’t seen before,” Loek replied with a bit of a husky voice, checking him out from head to toe. “Multiple times.”

“You’re so annoying,” Jesse whined, while starting to gather clean clothes to wear. “This is different.”

“Alright, you prude. I’ll leave,” Loek laughed, and then shut the door behind him when he left, leaving Jesse alone with his thoughts in a silent room. At least in the living room the TV had offered some distraction. At least having Loek present gave him some distraction.

And then he realised he would get his own bedroom soon, and Loek would probably not hug him to sleep when he did, and he suddenly felt really alone again.

And Jesse hated feeling alone more than anything.

     “Where are we going?” Jesse asked when Loek asked him to hop on the back of his scooter.

“Do you trust me?”

“Why do I feel like a movie character—a female might I add—that is asked to do something crazy and dangerous?” Jesse replied dryly, getting on the back of the scooter anyway.

“Can I say I kinda love that attitude you have going on right now?” Loek laughed, handing him a helmet. “Today I’ll be your prince charming.”

Jesse froze in his spot for a second, amazed by Loek’s timing to call himself prince charming, while Yoni had just said ‘his prince charming’ would show up someday too.

“And what am I? Your damsel in distress?” he joked back, though he failed miserably at the joking part since he sounded mostly annoyed.

“If that’s what you want to be…” Loek chuckled, putting on his helmet.

Their conversation was on hold for the duration of the ride, since the helmets and the wind blowing in their faces was making it practically impossible to talk. Jesse held onto Loek lightly, not willing to put his arms around his waist.

But Jesse was curious by nature, and it was the only reason he got dressed when Loek asked him to, and it was the only reason he got on the back of the scooter. Not because he had a weak spot for Loek.

“An arcade?” Jesse frowned when Loek stopped in front of an arcade one town over. It was full of energetic people. Friends who were hanging out, having fun. Families with kids who tried their best to gather enough points for a giant stuffed animal or any of the other prizes they could win.

Couples, having a fun date together.

And then there was Jesse, accompanied by Loek, who seemed way too eager to go in and play games.

“I’m not in the mood, Loek,” Jesse admitted with a sigh. “I don’t have the energy…”

“We’ll give you some energy,” Loek tried, seemingly disappointed Jesse wasn’t as eager to go in himself. “At least give it a try. There’s nobody in there who knows you. Let yourself go and have a bit of fun. Maybe you’ll feel better.”

Jesse shrugged in response, unable to find words to answer. He reluctantly followed Loek inside, instantly annoyed by the noise that people were making all around them, the sounds of games being played, screaming kids who didn’t want to go home yet.

“I’m not sure if this is the best distraction, though,” Jesse whispered with a sigh. “We went on a triple date to this arcade once…”

“Triple date?”

“Yeah… Yoni and I, Calix, Francesca, Axel and Donna…” Jesse stuffed his hands in his pocket while his shoulders lowered, and a sigh came out. “It’s all over now, isn’t it? No more hanging out with everybody. No more fun double dates or gossip from the girls…”

“Jesse…” Loek sighed just as deeply as he had done, but then used his finger to push Jesse’s face up by his chin. “You shouldn’t think about the things that are in the past.”

“Then what should I think about, Loek?” Jesse lowered himself onto one of the chairs in the bar area. “It’s all over. Axel hates my guts because I didn’t tell him about Donna. Calix is probably disgusted by my crush on him. Yoni is probably upset because everybody knows while she didn’t want anyone to know yet.”

“If that’s really how they feel, they aren’t real friends, now are they? I bet Yoni doesn’t blame you. I bet Calix will still be your friend after he got used to the idea. I bet Axel is just throwing a hissy fit because he feels embarrassed that his ex is suddenly into girls.” Loek sat down next to him and grabbed his hand to give it a comforting squeeze. “I bet everything will be fine, Jesse. Just give it time.”

“You forget that I got kicked out by Felipe and have no real place to live.”

“What are you talking about? You can live with us for as long as you need. Mees and I don’t mind. We kind of like the new company. You know, we’re still brothers. We fight every so often. At least now we have you to talk to when we’re angry. Besides, you help out with the laundry and Mees and I both suck at keeping that up for long,” Loek summed up, smiling in the end. “Really, Jesse. You’re home with us.”

Jesse dropped his head in his hands, partially overwhelmed by Loek’s kind words, partially depressed. Because even if Loek and Mees didn’t mind him living with them, they weren’t his family.

And even if he hated his family, they were still his family, and he missed some of it. Not Felipe, but the days he was out for work and his mother would pamper him a bit more to make up for the poor treatment he usually got.

Or the rare occasion that Ivy was nice and they played games together for an entire day.

But he wasn’t able to go back, and he had never felt more alone as he did in that moment.

“I’m just afraid to go back to school,” Jesse said, offering Loek a small look into his thoughts. “I don’t know what to expect.”

“Just stay home for a few days and figure some things out for yourself.” Loek patted his head in a poor attempt to comfort him. “And have fun with me tonight. Be a careless child, and forget about everything for just a little while.”

“Okay,” Jesse agreed. “I’ll try. But if I want to go home, we go home.”

“Deal.”