warning this chapter may be triggering for some read at your own discretion

In my mind the one place I can never truly escape that's where she is my demon my darkness my anxiety she lives in my mind drowning me with her painful words forcing me to relive the past forcing me to recount my mistakes the one place I can never truly escape that's where she lives in my mind

In my mind that's where I'm stuck in my mind when I'm alone with my thoughts I thought I could deal with this I thought I was finally in control I'm a lot better than I used to be it's still not as good as I want to be my medications working like it's supposed to I thought I wouldn't get lost in my mind anymore I thought I wouldn't be stuck with her I thought that even when she did cause me pain I could bear it I thought even when she screamed her painful words I could just shut her out I thought she no longer keep me up at night but now that I'm trying to get a job trying to have a life trying to be social and there's only one more day before my father going to be on a operating table she's getting to me I'm getting stuck in my mind stuck with her letting her scream her painful words at me because I just don't have the strength to not listen she's keeping me up at night telling me all the possibilities that could go wrong making me feel guilty for trying to find my own path in life I want to be there for my father but I'm only one person one person can only do so much my father would never want to stop me I'm trying to live my life but she's making me feel guilty for it she keeps telling me all the reasons no one would ever hire me and it hurts because I believe her because there's no way for me not to know but if this is true and it hurts because I've already been told no once because of everything because of her I'm afraid I'll never get a yes I don't want to drowned in her words I don't want to drowned in these painful memories but I'm stuck I'm stuck with her in my mind