Jack hangs up the phone and immediately my feet are moving towards the exit, preferring to wait outside for him then spend another minute in this place.

I didn't have to wait long. The squeal of Jack's tires alerts me to the car pulling up at the curb. Without hesitation, I climb in and close my eyes as I rest my head back on the seat.

"Troye?"

"Please drive." I whisper.

Shooting me a concerned look, Jack puts the car in gear and takes off down the street. I breathe heavily as I try to shift my focus.

When I open my eyes it's to the sight of our apartment building. I turn my head to look at my best friend. "Thankyou."

Jack only nods and climbs out of the car, me following in tow as we make our way up to our shared apartment.

When inside, Jack's eyes flick towards me. "I read the sign on the building. What were you doing in a place like that?"

My head lowers as I look out the window in the living room. "You'll think it's stupid."

"I promise I won't."

"I, um," I bite my lip. "I was just-"

"Were you trying to get laid?"

"What?" I ask in shock. "No! Of course not."

"If you wanted to get a drink you could've just said so."

"No, it's not that. I-"

"Wanted to get a look at some cute guys?" Jack teases.

"I wanted to remember how to fall in love!" I exclaim suddenly and the apartment falls deadly silent.

Jack looks at me carefully. "What?"

I blush in embarrassment at my small outburst. Unable to meet his gaze, I opt to stare at my shoes. "I um, wanted to, you know."

"Troye."

I sigh, squeezing my eyes closed. "I wanted to remember how to fall in love with someone."

"Why?"

I look up at my best friend. "Why what?"

"Why did you go to a bar?" Jack questions. "You don't expect to fall in love in one night with some stranger do you?"

"Well, no, but I just wanted to...see what it was like. I've never done anything like this before."

"Get hit on by strangers?"

I sigh. "Hit on strangers."

"Oh." Jack says.

I run a hand through my hair as the blush on my cheeks deepens. "I'm sorry, I should've never gotten you involved. I'm just gonna go to my room and-"

"Hey hey hey," Jack grabs my hand, stopping me from leaving the room. "What happened, Troye?"

Exhaling, I proceed to tell him about the guy from the club.

"Everything was fine but when he kissed me, I-" I break off, shaking my head.

"Panicked?" Jack smiled.

I nod. "Yeah."

Jack nods, his hand still holding mine lightly. "It's okay, Troye."

"Then why doesn't it feel that way?" I ask hopelessly.

"Change is hard." Jack says. "I've known you for a long time now and this is the first time you've made any sort of move since Cameron died. It's okay to be scared."

"I'm not scared," I say, though my heart shudders in my chest. "I'm just-"

My shoulders drop in defeat. "I don't know what to do. I feel so worthless."

"You're not worthless Troye."

I nod furiously, scrunching my eyes closed. "I am. I am. Cameron always did this stuff. He always made the first move. I was just a kid who was thrilled that someone was giving him attention."

Jack doesn't say anything as we face one another in the dark, though I can still see that's he thinking.

"So you went to the club to learn to flirt with guys?"

"Yeah, but I panicked and now I feel horrible. How will I ever fall in love again if I can't even talk to other guys, or any stranger of that matter, without messing everything up?"

"Maybe you should ask a friend." Jack joked.

He was kidding but my gaze snapped up to his and the the smile dropped from his face upon realisation. "Troye, no."

"Jack, please," I plead. "There's no one else. It won't mean anything."

"Absolutely not." Jack says, shaking his head. "No."

"You could teach me," I say. "You're great at this stuff."

Jack frowns. "I'm not. It would ruin everything."

"It won't."

"It will." Jack states. "It always does. People are never the same once they've been friends-with-benefits."

"It doesn't have to be like that," I push. "We won't let it get that far."

"It always goes that far," Jack argues. "And you can't undo it."

Silence falls between us as my heartbroken looks fights his torn one.

"Jack, please." I plead as the familiar ache in my stomach comes back. "There's no one else."

"There are plenty of guys-"

"That aren't you."

Jack stops, looking at me directly. I meet his gaze. "None that I trust like you."

A moment passes between us as Jack's eyes meet mine and I can tell his thoughts are racing as fast as my heartbeat.

I had never done anything like this, never asked anyone to help me with sexual stuff because Cameron had always been very gentle and understanding.

Cameron was my first and now that he's gone, Jack was my only hope.

Pain sets into my gut as Jack shakes his head. "I won't, I won't do it Troye. This is what ruins friendships and I don't want that. I'm sorry, you're going to have to find someone else. I'm sorry."

He brushes past me quickly, heading to his room and closing the door loudly behind him.

I stare after him pathetically, feeling all thoughts of hope leave my body and making room for the agonising despair settling in my chest.