The next morning I shuffle out of bed like a sloth.
With barely any night's rest on the account of what happened with Jack, I moved like a snail getting ready.
I was nervous when walking into the kitchen that morning as I didn't know what kind of tension there would be between Jack and I, but as it turns out, I had no reason to worry.
Jack is moving around the kitchen busily when I enter, a piece of toast shoved in his mouth as he stirs a cup of coffee.
"Oh, morning." he says when he sees me and points to the bench. "I made you coffee, it's black."
Picking up the cup, I smile at my friend and whisper a soft thank you, still being cautious of the situation.
"We should go."
"Troye, you've haven't eaten." Jack says.
I shrug, mumbling, "I'm not that hungry."
Jack gives me a look that lets me know he won't ease up. Sighing, I pick up a granola bar and take a small bite. "Happy?"
He doesn't answer but instead gives me a look of approval before picking up his satchel and swinging his keys around his finger. "Alright, let's go."
The ride down to the car is silent. The air isn't tense but certainly has an element of awkwardness about it. I didn't dare speak.
Our car ride follows the same structure. As we turn into the parking lot, Jack brings the car to a stop and simply sits there without getting out.
My fingers dance along the edge of my cup in an anxious rhythm, every part of me praying Jack will say something.
When he gets out of the car without a word, a breath of air leaves my body, though it's not one of relief.
"See you later." Jack says as he turns down the hallway to his office.
"Yeah, see you." I mumble, making my way towards the studio.
A group of people are already gathered when I arrive, going over technicalities for a shoot due to take place this morning.
Taking a seat at the desk, I stare moodily at myself in the mirror when Nina suddenly appears beside me.
"You look like hell." my stylist comments.
"Thanks Nina."
"Sorry kiddo, it's my job to comment on your appearance," she laughs. "But seriously, what happened? You look like you haven't slept all night."
"I haven't."
I yelp when Nina hits me over the back of the head. "You have a shoot today! There are bags under your eyes the size of Jupiter!"
"I know."
"So what happened?"
"I don't really want to talk about it." I mumble, looking down at my lap.
"Oh, it's gotta be good then." Nina grins. "But you know that the chair is a great place to talk." She begins to mess with my hair.
I sigh. "I went to a club last night."
Nina nearly chokes on the water she'd been sipping. "What? Since when do you go clubbing?"
"I wasn't clubbing," I reply. "I was trying to-" I break off with a sigh.
"Meet someone?" Nina suggests and I blush. "Yeah."
"Troye," Nina breathes. "That's great, good for you!"
"It didn't go the way I'd hoped."
"Oh?"
"I met a guy. Not even twenty minutes in and I panicked."
Nina hums as she tousles my hair. "That bad, huh?"
"I don't know what's wrong with me." I say. "It's like any thought of a stranger touching me in any way makes me freak out."
"That's generally the definition of a stranger and lack of consent." Nina points out and I groan.
"You know what I mean."
"So you freaked out when a guy came onto you?"
"Yeah. I don't understand what's wrong with me."
"Troye," Nina says in her parenting voice. "What happened to you was huge, especially as you were so young. You're not bound to get over it just like that."
"It's been three years."
"It can take people decades to get over a loss like that." Nina replies. "Don't beat yourself up so much."
"I guess." I reply, sadness coming through my voice.
Nina rubs my back gently and smiles at me in the mirror. "It's okay to be scared. You're only human, and humans are fragile creatures. We like to be loved and cared for and maybe you just aren't one to go for a one night stand. You need more than that. Emotionally and physically."
I shrug. "Maybe."
Nina grins. "Chin up Hun, the right person will come along when you least expect it, and that's the best kind of love. Now, you have a seasons shoot in an hour and from the look of it, we're going to need at least that on makeup alone. Let's get to work."
My shoot today would be outside. An hour later I'm in the company van on our way to one of the city's parks. The sky is cloudy but no rain threatens to fall, making it the perfect scene for a fall shoot.
The day moves by slowly as I complete my scheduled tasks. The fall shoot is done by two o'clock and I'm on my way to lunch.
I'm walking down the hallway to Jack's studio when suddenly Brendon bumps into me.
"Oh, hey Troye." he grins. "Where you off to?"
"Lunch," I reply quietly. "I'm going to get Jack."
"Jack?" Brendon frowns. "Jack's in a meeting right now. Has been for the par two hours."
"What?" I ask. "It's Tuesday. We always eat lunch together on Tuesday's."
"Yeah, I ran into him earlier," Brendon says. "He said something about rescheduling a meeting over his lunch break."
I sigh, shoulders dropping. He was avoiding me, that was the only explanation.
"But if you want," Brendon turns his charming smiles towards me. "I'll take you to lunch? There's a really nice restaurant down on-"
"Thanks Brendon," I cut in. "I'm actually not that hungry anyway."
"Oh," Brendon frowns before forcing a cocky smile onto his face again. "No problem. Maybe next time?"
"Maybe. See you Brendon."
Without giving him a chance to reply, I turn and head back down the hallway, trying not to let the ache of Jack avoiding me affect me.
After meeting with my dietician Jessie, I head down to the lobby and wait for Jack to take us home.
He'd sent me a text saying he'll be late today and so I sit and wait as people rush by me, eager to get home after the long day.
It's a quarter-to six when the elevator opens to reveal Jack. It was nearly dark outside and most of the company had already left for the day, save for the receptionist.
"Hey," Jack sheepishly rubs the back of his neck, looking dishevelled. "Sorry, my meeting ran late."
"It's fine." I stand up. "Are you ready to go?"
Jack nods and we head to Jack's car. The ride home is as quiet as the one this morning. By the time we're stepping through the door to our apartment, I can't take it anymore.
"Okay look," I say, moving no further than the front door. "If you're mad at me I get it but please Jack, just say something."
Jack turns to meet my pleading gaze with a calm one. His brow furrows and his eyes drop. "I'm not mad at you, Troye."
"Then can you please-" I step closer to him. "-just tell me what I did wrong. And don't say it was nothing because I know you skipped lunch today to avoid me."
"I wasn't avoiding you."
I look at him pleadingly and Jack sighs. "I'm not mad at you and I'm not avoiding you. I just had some stuff to figure out, okay?"
"What stuff?" I ask. "Is this about last night?"
Jack looks away. "Nothing you need to worry about. I promise. I'm sorry if I've been acting weird today, I'm just tired."
"Please don't lie to me." I beg.
"I swear," he says. "I'm not lying to you."
I give Jack a look of disbelief and he sighs. "Remember how I signed up for that dating website too?"
"Yeah."
"Well, last night, it made me remember how easy it is to be with someone one moment and completely distant the next. I panicked."
"So I was right, it was about last night." I mumble. "Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry if I-"
"No Troye, it wasn't you." Jack assures me. A moment of silence passes and Jack runs his hand over his face in frustration. "It's just, you're not the only one who hasn't been with someone for a while. And seeing you at that club last night, trying to move on, it made me..."
"What?"
Jack shrugs, looking guilty. "A little jealous."
"Jack," I place my hand on his arm. "You don't have to be jealous."
I take a breath. "If this is too much for you then we can stop the lessons-"
"No." Jack breathes out. "No, it's fine. I'm fine."
"Okay."
We stand there in an awkward silence for a minute before Jack speaks.
"You know," he says. "You weren't bad. You doubt yourself way too much."
"Really?"
"Really." Jack smiles. "And if you want to meet this Gabriel guy, we need to move on to Lesson Two."
"And what's that?"
"Touching."
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