I'm no angel

I'm just a mistake

I wasn't made for anything

I was just that baby in my mothers stomach

Who knows.

Maybe mom kept me

Just so dad could remember his mistakes..

And so he could hurt me..

Saying he didn't hurt me

He doesn't think about how much damage he does

He hurts me

Mentally and psychically

But of course

It’s all in my head..

Right?

The worst pain is

When you're smiling

Just to stop the

Tears from falling

Sometimes..

I feel so deeply..

My heart aches..

My eyes sting

I do my best to hold them back

But

It doesn’t matter

My dream doesn’t come true

Where mama comes in..

Sees me crying..

I confess everything I feel..

I tell her how I hate life

How she will never understand

How she’ll hold me tightly

As I weep in her arms

Gasping for air

As I hack and cough

Desperately wanting to stop

No

That’s all dreams and fantasies

The reality..

Is I bury my face into a pillow

Tears running down my face

Like hot lava

Never ending

Until I eventually fall asleep

In a deep dream of fantasies..

I never felt good enough

I wasn't good enough for anyone

So they left me

You ever not feel good enough..?

So you doubt everything

And your heart aches at the thought

Everyone says it’s just your head

You’re wrong

But are you really?

I tell myself I don't need anyone

But the truth is, they don't need me

I’m dull

Boring

Complaining

No one wants to be around that

Right?

He never noticed

How hard I try to hold back my tears

Everyday

He calls me so many names..

He's called mom worse but..

He's called me worse too

Why should I

Apologize for the

Monster I've

Become? No one

Ever apologized

For making me

This way

I hate this

I just want to be liked

Not weird

Or popular

Just average

Maybe I am

But I don’t feel average

It was like screaming...

But no one heard you

It feels as if I was dying

My tongue had been removed

I can only hardly taste my own blood

People all around

But I’m in a dark alley

No one can see me

If they do

I creep them out

But they don’t know the truth

I’m slowly dying before them

He hates me

I love him

She hates me

I love her

I hate how easily I love...

And fall for every little prank

Every little 'I love you'

And every 'Trust me'

Is love even worth it at this point?

I'm pathetic

No wonder everyone hates me

I may have friends..

But why do I feel so lonely?

I'd much rather be in my room

With a blanket wrapped around me

Headphones on my head

Lights out

And a book..

I'm just alone

No one bothers asking "You okay?"

Because they know I'll just answer with

"I'm okay"

Just your average cliché

I'm no Angel

I'm just a kid that smiles

With pain behind that 'Beautiful' smile

You'd hate to see me frown

Only because you've never seen me frown

Would you like to know why?

Because I hide myself that well

And that long..

My eyes may be a gorgeous shade of blue

But they turn grayer everyday

My skin may be a perfect

But its scaring up everyday

I'm becoming my demons toy

They start using me as a puppet

Making me look like a fool

Turning my friends against me

Making my parents hate me even more

I'm no Angel

I'm a Demon