Warning: This chapter may contain strong language, mental abuse, physical abuse and/or self harm. Every chapter that includes these topics I will put the mature content on and this message as a warning. If these are very sensitive subjects to you and you don't wish to read them, I will put a summary of what happens in the chapter if you still wish to follow along with the main story.

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I finally arrived home. Dad wasn’t home yet so I was free to go to my room and send Sam a message. I looked at their contact on my phone and the name that read "Sam??" What do I say?

'Heyyy.'

No that’s too creepy.

'Waddup?'

Definitely not.

I’ll just do it if I were to talk to them in person.

Nate: Hello.

Sam??: Who is this?

Nate: Nate… you sent me two notes, well technically 3 notes but only two of them had your number…

Sam??: Ooohhhhh right! I should’ve known ahhahah I’m so dumb

Nate: No you’re not

Nate: Is your name really Sam or is it like a “secret stage name” or something because I’m not supposed to know who you are?

Sam??: Nope, Sam is my name.. Well it’s a short version of my name

So I guess their a real person. I guess I'll get rid of the question marks after their name.

Nate: Aahh just like mine I guess

Sam: Nathan? That’s the only ‘nate’ name I can think of

Nate: yeah

Nate: is yours Samantha or Samuel? If I’m being honest I don’t even know if you're a guy or girl

Sam: should it be a surprise for when we meet in person? ;)

Nate: What’s with that wink? And I’d prefer to know now but if you want to be like that then I guess it’s okay

Sam: why

Sam: are

Sam: you

Sam: so

Sam: cute?

Nate: ... I’m not? And why did you have to send a message for each words? Also I’m guessing it’s a no then?

Sam: u pitiful little boi v cute i can’t say no 2 u

Nate: ...?

Sam: Samuel :)

Sam: is little boi bean happy now?

Nate: What is it with these names? XD

Sam: They make you smile? ;)

Nate: You are so flirtatious omg

Sam: oh? ;))

Sam: is that a bad thing? ;)

Nate: STOP WINKING

Sam: ;) ;)

Nate: ....bye

Sam: NUU I’M SORRY DON’T LEAVE COME BACK!!!

Nate: calm down you big baby :p I’m not leaving

Sam :0

Sam: You called me baby awwwww

Nate: I didn’t mean it like that…

Sam: XD I’m just messing with you.

Sam: I like you, Nate.

Sam: Do you want to hang out sometime? Put a face to the name Sam?

Nate: I guess

I heard my dad come into the house. He’s probably going to want me soon for something. I have to say bye to Sam first.

Nate: I have to go now, bye

Sam: bye bye!

I shut my phone off and plummeted onto my bed. Do I have a friend now? Or is this really all a game? Why was he so flirty? Is he gay or something? Does he have a crush on me? If this is all a game, why choose a boy to flirt with me? Why would they even think I’m gay? Maybe I’m just thinking too much about this.

"Nathan!" I heard my dad call for me but he didn't sound angry.

“Yes sir?” I yell from upstairs.

“Come here.”

I slowly start to walk downstairs to meet him. He sounded very upset, like he was about to cry. I’m nervous at what he has to say.

As I make my way downstairs to meet he seems distressed. For once I’m not scared of him but the situation that’s causing him to feel like this. He’s almost never sad. At least not anymore. He was extremely depressed for months after mom and Poppy died. After that he’s just always been pissy and angry. It's kind of all my fault though. If mom didn't need to pick me up that day then she would still be here. He has every right to take it out on me.

I slowly make my way to the bottom of the stairs and when he sees me he almost starts to cry. Seeing him so broken hurts me. I haven't seen him like this since mom and Poppy died. I'm scared.

He takes a shaky breath in and begins to talk.

“Sit down.” He gestured to the couch. “I need to talk to you about something.”

I made my way over the couch and sat down. He sat next to me looking puzzled on how to say what he wanted to say.

“I’ve been keeping a secret from you for quite a while because I wasn’t sure how you’d handle it. I was waiting for the right moment to tell you.” He looked down at the floor avoiding eye contact with me. “I’ve been seeing someone.” He said shakily.

“Why are so scared to tell me that? Why are you almost crying?” I said angrily. He had basically wasted my time and scared me for no reason. He just sat there and didn’t answer.

“I’m going back yo my room if you’re done.” I stood up and started to walk away but he grabbed my arm making me stay.

“Sit down!” He said angrily. “I’m not finished.”

“What? You’re gonna marry her or something? I don’t care.”

He started crying at my statement and I immediately felt guilty.

“She died.” He said through sobs.

I didn’t like seeing him cry. After everything with mom and my sister, this had to happen to him too? He's not normally so attached his girlfriend's though. He obviously cared and loved her more than he did with the others.

“I’m sorry.”

"It's all your f*cking fault."

"W-what?"

It's always your d*mn fault!" He yelled. "First you take away my wife and daughter and now when I finally found love again you take away that as well!" His grip on my arm strengthened.

"W-what do you mean? How am I responsible for this!?"

"She was on her way to meet you yesterday when she got in accident just like when mom had to pick your dumb*ss up from tutoring that day!"

He let go of my arm. His words burnt into my mind. Everything really is my fault. I'm just an inconvenience for everyone.

It really is always my f*cking fault.

"Please. Just- get away from me."

I opened my mouth to say something but kept quiet instead. I figured I'd only make the situation worse. I walked upstairs and went into my room.

It's my fault.

Mom died because I wasn't good enough.

Poppy died because I wasn't good enough.

Mom was so full of love and light. And I took her away from this world.

Poppy was so young. Just a little girl. My best and only friend. So innocent and pure as fresh snow. And I stained her in blood.

Blood.

I scratched at my arms trying to ease the inside pain with outside pain. It wasn't enough. I dug my fingernails harder into my skin. It stung.

I deserve this.

Blood. I need to stain myself in blood. I stained everyone important to me in blood. Now it's my turn. I have to suffer the consequences.

I kept digging my fingernails into the skin on my arms. Finally, blood. Blood dripped down onto my hand.

I f*cking deserve this.

I deserve this.

Summary:

Nathan texts the mysterious character names Sam to find out his full name in Samuel. He's a really friendly and flirtatious guy and suggests to meet up with Nathan some time. 

Nathan's dad comes home, causing him to cut his conversation with Sam short. His dad tells him bad news that his girlfriend died yesterday on her way to meet Nathan for the first time. His dad blames Nathan for constantly taking away his happiness. It was because of Nathan that his wife and daughter were on the road to pick him up from tutoring when they died, and it was also because of Nathan that his new girlfriend was on the road and also died in accident. 

Nathan believes it himself that he is the cause of all his dad's problems. He believes it was because of him his dad is miserable. He says it's his own fault for not being good enough costing his mother and sister their lives. They were so pure and he stained them in blood and took them away from the world. He only finds it fitting that he punishes himself for what he did to his family.