The next day brought immediate change.
When Scarlet made her way to the dining hall to hang out with the twelfth-graders again, Hye-jin joined Amalia in the library for lunch instead. Will arrived shortly after they did, bearing sandwiches and even a cup of coffee for Hye-jin from the school’s coffee shop. A few students came by to borrow or return books, but after the first fifteen minutes, the number of students in the library dwindled down to those who had hidden away in cozy reading nooks and were engrossed in whatever books they had in their laps.
Eventually, Will put his own book — an autobiography by some CEO — down and suggested they do a personality test mentioned in it. They decided to let Will do it first as Amalia opened an online version of the test on the library computer.
“If you had the choice between using stairs or an elevator,” Amalia read in a hushed voice, “You’d pick the stairs. True or false?”
“True, said Will.
“True?” echoed Hye-jin, “Are you serious? Elevators all day, every day.”
“Who are you?” Amalia asked Will in mock-horror.
Lunch break passed by in the blink of an eye and Amalia and Hye-jin were laughing the whole way to class. Later, Hye-jin walked to the dorms by herself again while both Scarlet and Amalia stayed out later than she stayed awake. Still, the day had filled Hye-jin with a kind of optimism she hadn’t had the week before.
Her optimism didn’t last.
Amalia and Hye-jin had different electives before lunch on Wednesdays, so Hye-jin made her way to the library to meet up with Will and Amalia by herself that day. As she softly closed the heavy door and turned toward the librarian’s desk, Amalia didn’t spare her a look and Will was nowhere to be seen. Hye-jin greeted her friend and sat down on the chair beside her like she had done the day before, but only received a quiet, strangled ‘hi’ in return.
“What’s wrong?” asked Hye-jin.
Amalia was hunched so deeply in front of the computer that even Scarlet could have towered over her. She didn’t look up from the screen and her voice held an uncomfortably familiar note of panic.
“The librarian— I—” she blinked furiously, “I’m meant to catalogue all these books today.”
She gestured to a cart whose three metal shelves were filled to the brim. Hye-jin saw Amalia’s right hand shake slightly as she clicked to open a form on her computer screen.
“Will has—” Amalia continued, “Will and I have plans.” Her voice had climbed in pitch but decreased in volume. “We’re tutoring middle schoolers. I don’t— I need to—”
She seemed to choke on her words a little. She met Hye-jin’s eyes for the first time and they were filled with guilt and fear. Amalia swallowed and looked away, before grabbing a book from the cart. She opened it with her shaky hands and typed the book’s title into the form.
“Mafia,” said Hye-jin as firmly and gently as she could. “Can I—”
“Should I text Will?” Amalia cut her off as her words gained speed. “He’s not here yet and maybe I should tell him that I can’t— That I don’t have time?” She seemed out of breath somehow. “Or— or maybe— I mean if I cancel too late then what does that say—” She cut herself off.
“I’m sorry, I interrupted you,” she said, “How was your day?”
Her eyes were wide and earnest, but her chest rose and fell too rapidly.
“I’ll tell you later,” said Hye-jin, “Amalia, are you okay?”
Amalia pushed a strand of red hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear sharply. She looked away.
“I’m sorry,” she said, “I’m sorry, this is really— this is so embarrassing.”
She tried to blink her tears away but they finally spilled out. She wiped them away furiously, but they were immediately replaced by more. Her breathing was way too fast and was only getting faster. Hye-jin had seen this all before and rattled off the list of what to do in her mind.
“Is it okay to touch you?” asked Hye-jin and Amalia nodded.
Hye-jin put a soothing hand on Amalia’s shoulder and brushed down her back. She felt Amalia’s heart beating furiously and far too quickly.
“I’m so sorry,” said Amalia. Mascara had pooled below her eyes. “I thought this was— I’m sorry you have to deal with me like this again.”
Hye-jin quietly told her it wasn’t a problem, when the door opened and a smiling Will walked into the library. His smile dropped immediately when he saw them and he rushed over, setting down the sandwiches, water, and coffee he’d brought.
“What happened?” he asked.
His eyes were filled with concern as they went from Amalia to Hye-jin and back to Amalia. Amalia looked up at him and his face did something complicated. Suddenly, Hye-jin felt like she was intruding on a private moment. She stood up slowly and gestured to her chair.
“Here,” she said to Will, “Maybe it’s best if you-”
Will shot her a grateful look and sat down beside Amalia. Amalia tried to explain the situation to Will, but Hye-jin quickly realized that was only making it worse. She explained what she knew about the situation to Will, who nodded but never took his eyes off Amalia.
“Amalia,” he said, gently, “Can you breathe with me?”
Hye-jin stood behind Will uselessly and watched as he led Amalia in the breathing exercises Amalia had taught them a little more than a year ago. Amalia’s eyes were slightly bloodshot and she had black tear tracks on her cheeks. Hye-jin didn’t know how to help, so she passed Will the water he’d dropped on the other side of the table when he’d come in and whispered that she’d give them some space. Will didn’t seem to fully register her words but Hye-jin quietly left the library anyway.
She took a deep breath outside the door and started walking without any clue where she was going. She went where her feet took her and left the Humanities Center. She was glad she hadn’t thought to take off her coat when she’d entered the library and zipped it up all the way to her chin as she wandered aimlessly past the Language Center and through the park. She passed the snowed in fountain and the gym building and before she knew it, she had reached the school’s multi-purpose field. She stopped, turned around, and leaned against the chain-link fence closing off the field for winter. A gentle metallic shuddering sound went through the fence, reminding her uncomfortably of Amalia’s shaking hand. She moved away from it immediately and moved to walk away from the field when she noticed that the light was on in the boys’ changing quarters.
Intrigued, Hye-jin walked closer to them, the thick snow crunching underneath the soles of her boots. The changing quarters were one-story buildings with exposed red brick walls and a flat roof. They were used regularly during the warmer months, but retired as soon as the multi-purpose field was.
Hye-jin carefully pushed down the building’s door handle and covered her mouth with her other hand when she realized it was unlocked. Nobody was supposed to be here.
The door gave a slight creak when she pushed it open. She closed it behind her, trying to make as little noise as possible, and slowly walked into the doorway. She heard movement.
Suddenly, she realized all the perfectly normal and deeply uncomfortable explanations for the lights and the unlocked door that she hadn’t thought of when she was outside. Maybe it was the cleaning crew, making sure the place didn’t get too dusty before spring. Maybe a teacher was in there, taking care of something. Or, worst of all, maybe some young couple had decided to forego the usual hook-up spot behind the changing rooms for a more seasonally appropriate one inside. Her eyes widened in horror at the possibility of walking in on something like that and she turned aroumd and rushed toward the door.
“Hye-jin?” asked a familiar voice behind her.
Comments (1)
See all