Loki had never experienced true agony before, but he was sure this was close to it. After three hours on the bus with Thor, he was close to dying. Thor’s voice never left his ears. He never stopped complaining. All you could see from the window was the desert. The radio played what seemed to be the same four 80’s rock tracks over and over again.

And still there seemed to be no trace of civilisation.

Thor stopped talking for a moment when he noticed Loki’s lack of bored responses.

“Brother? Brother. Loki, are you listening, I said we must find Mjolnir or I will tell Father you’re a snitch. You’re a dibby dobber."

The suffering would never end. He had to escape this place.

"You’re a nark. Loki. Loki. Did you hear anything I said?” Thor poked him.

“Shut up for a second, Thor, I’m trying to think.” How long would he be on this bus for? He would rather be in Hel. He should just go to Hel. Anywhere was better than this place. Maybe he could go back and beg his father for forgiveness. After all, he only got kicked out for a simple request. Perhaps he would be allowed back in.

“Loki. Loki. Are we there yet? Loki? Are we there yet?”

For the love of-

“Are we there yet? Loki? Brother? Are we-”

“Thor Odinson, if you do not shut up I will find Fenrir and set him on you myself.”

Thor sat down and did not speak again.

After what was close to an eternity, a grey building came into Loki’s vision. And another. Another, another, yet another, thank the Gods and himself they had finally reached a human civilisation.

“Thor!” Loki hissed. “Be quick. We are leaving this beast as soon as it stops moving.”

“Do you think Mjolnir is here?”

“Do you think I care, Brother?” Loki stood up. “I just want to be free of this monster. I no longer want to look at its internal organs. I never want to see a dreaded Bus again.”

The Bus began to slow and Loki breathed a sigh of relief. Others began to stand up.

The Bus stopped. Others began to walk out of it.

“Now, brother. Quickly.” Loki and Thor made a quick exit from the Bus before the beast could continue its reign of terror.

Loki dropped to his knees as soon as he stepped off the bus.

“Finally...Finally, I am free.”

While Loki was doing his lying-on-the-ground-thing, Thor was going to do something else. He was not going to wait around for his brother to come out of the relief coma. He was going to search for Mjolnir on his own.

A human walked by.

“Excuse me, mortal,” Thor said as loudly as he could. “Have you, by any chance, seen Mjolnir?”

The human did not stop to look at Thor. They continued to walk.

“Mortal! How dare you-” They could no longer hear Thor. How frustrating. These humans were of little help in his quest. He would have to try something else.

He stormed over to a different one. “Hello! Human! Please listen to my-”

The human glanced at Thor, then began to run. This was not working at all. Thor went back to Loki. At least he would probably pay attention to Thor’s questions.

“Loki, why do these humans never listen?”

“Thor, we have bigger problems than mortals!” Loki said. He had since snapped out of his relief and was up on a seat, shaking.

“Like?”

“F-f-f-” Loki pointed at the beast approaching them. It was small, but… “Fenrir!”

It sat and stuck its tongue out in mockery.

“By Odin,” said Thor. “If this truly is Fenrir then we are all in danger.”

“Not only Fenrir,” said Loki, pointing to the sky. The sun was slowly disappearing, the sky becoming dark. “The sun is being consumed. We may be too late, Brother. Ragnarok is beginning.”

Thor gave a shocked gasp. “No...we can’t be too late. Ragnarok? Surely not Ragnarok.”

“What else could it be, Thor?” Loki sighed. “It is already the end. We are all doomed.”

Fenrir wagged its tail and barked.

“Silence, beast, you know your role in this.”

They sat together on the park bench as the sun was slowly consumed. Fenrir sat next to them, still wagging its dastardly tail.

“What will we do?” asked Thor. “The world is about to end, and me, the hero who saves the world from certain doom, who wins Ragnarok, who is the best, me, who wins everything, I am sitting on a human chair stripped of all my glory.”

“I have a part in it too,” protested Loki, though neither of them really knew what their roles in Ragnarok were, since they had never paid attention in Ragnarok class and had instead set each other on fire and other fun brotherly antics such as that. “I have to kill someone important.”

“But my part is very big,” Thor whined, without expanding on what his part actually involved. If either of them actually had paid attention in Ragnarok class, they’d probably know what to do. But, unfortunately, they were stupid and neither of them knew enough about Ragnarok to actually stop it on their own.

“This is all your fault,” Loki said to Fenrir. It just panted and wagged its tail. Foul, devious beast. It was trying to charm them. Loki would not be convinced.

Fenrir stopped wagging its tail and barked at a nearby bush.

“Oh, shut up.” Thor folded his arms.

Fenrir walked to the bush and jumped at it. A caw came from behind the leaves.

A man in a trenchcoat and fedora crawled out, coughing.

“Who the-”

“I am Grimner,” said the man in the trenchcoat with the mustache, glasses and fedora. He sounded a lot like Odin, if Odin had a crow inside his throat. Grimner stood up and brushed off his trenchcoat. “Why is that beast with you?”

“Odin?” asked Loki.

“I’m not Odin!” said Grimner. “I am his friend. Very much not Odin. Would Odin have a mustache and glasses?”

Loki fell silent and shook his head.

“That’s what I thought." He cleared his throat and put a hand on his chest. "No, I am not Odin, but Odin told me there is a way for you to get back into Asgard. But, it, well, it, um, well..."

"Out with it," said Thor. "We haven't much time."

"...it involves stopping Ragnarok. I know it sounds difficult, but give Heimdall a shout if you’re interested. And Odin can tell you more. I’m just the messenger. Not Odin. That is not me,” said Grimner.

Fenrir jumped up on Grimner’s leg and barked. Grimner cawed again, then disappeared.

“Stopping Ragnarok?” Loki slumped back on the chair. “It’s hopeless. We’re doomed, brother. Doomed.” Fenrir jumped onto Loki’s lap and began to lick his face. Loki didn’t bother to push it off his lap. This was just reality now. He was here in the world, without his powers, he, too, was Brad Humanson, and there was dog saliva all over his face and he was just going to have to accept it.

“Heimdall!” Thor called. “Heimdall?”

"Heimdall?" said Loki, defeated.

"Heimdall!"

There was a groan. “What now? You’re supposed to be banished, you know.”

“We need to talk to Odin!”

“Odin isn’t here," said Heimdall. "Come back in a few hours. Or never! Preferably never.”

“He’s probably just talking to that Grimner dude,” said Thor to Loki. “They sound like good friends.”

“What does friendship matter if the world is ending soon? What does anything matter? We should live out our lives as normal humans and just wait for it all to come crashing down.”

Loki was having a bit of an existential crisis.

“Ah, Brother, while I do have to agree with you on the living with humans thing, there is always hope for the world,” said Thor, unusually optimistic given his attitude since getting to Midgard. “We’ll talk to Odin and sort it all out.”

“Stopping Ragnarok? Well, yes, at this stage we have plenty of time. I believe. Probably,” said Odin’s voice, coming down from above. “I mean, not much has happened so far. But first you must learn to fend for yourselves in this harsh human world. I give you your initial step to returning to Asgard: acquire an office job.”

“But we must stop Ragnarok!” Thor protested. “I don’t want to acquire an office job. I don’t know what that is. Why can’t I just hammer some stuff and come back to Asgard?”

“Because I say so. Also, do you have your hammer?”

“No,” said Thor dejectedly.

“That’s what I thought. If you find an office job, you can get money. If you get money, you can find your hammer. If you find your hammer, you can stop Ragnarok.”

Thor groaned. This was the worst. This was worse than Ragnarok itself. Thor was once again Brad Humanson. He had to live like a human, and find an office job, which was apparently something every human had to do. Maybe the humans weren’t as bad at hunting as he’d thought. If they could all hunt one of these office jobs, then they had to be good for something.

And if all humans could hunt an office job, so could Thor.

“An office job?” Loki asked. “Thor, this Office Job is not a creature. It is a thing you do. It’s not something you’d be very good at.”

“Yes it is,” said Thor, because he’d already made up his mind about this. He would hunt an office job better than the humans did. Or do an office job better than the humans. Whatever he needed to do, he was better than the humans. He knew it.

“No, it isn’t,” sighed Loki. “But I suppose we must. Let’s go.”