POV: Oliver

Betty whistled as she stocked each table with cream and sugars for the upcoming customers. Waves of knots passed through my body as I set my stuff down. What was wrong with me? I plastered on my smile as Betty walked over. She was cheery as usual with her cherry red lipstick curling into a grin. Small talk passed, but I couldn’t really focus on whatever meaningless gossip she was going on about. I felt bad for Manny.

Work seemed to pass by in a flash and before I knew it, I was in class with Daniel’s lanky frame next to me. He kept glancing over at me for reasons I couldn’t possibly decipher. My mind was too fuzzy to really focus on unspoken riddles nor on the lecture. Daniel focused on the lecture, but every once in a while he would glance down to me again. It must’ve happened at least five or six times before he finally nudged me. He passed over his phone with the notes app open.

‘Are you ok?’ I read.

A smile crept onto my face and I glance over to him. We locked eyes. It must’ve been the intensity of his stare that made my mind go blank for a second. I nodded, doing the okay sign with my free right hand.

The fog in my head cleared by the end of class as my morning caffeine did its job. Daniel remained quiet for the remainder of the class. He slid over me as I remained in my seat, waiting for the large room to empty. Daniel looked back at me expectantly but didn’t say a word before heading into the stream of backpacks and hoodies passing by. I shrugged the look off, but looking back he probably wanted to say something, anything.

I headed to the front of the room where Professor was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and casual expression. “You ready?”

I nodded and followed him into his office that connected to the neighboring counseling building. Our footsteps tapped against the old linoleum floors as we passed lines of frosted glass and brass knobs. Acharya didn’t say much as we walked down the wide hallway and finally turned into his decorated office full of pop culture icons and figures like some sort of Marvel shrine. He sat in the high backed rolling chair facing his computer and motioned for me to take a seat in one of the few chairs against the wall. I dropped my bag onto the floor with a quiet thump.

He leaned on his knees with hands folded in front of him while he looked at his computer, presumably my file. “So,” he said, “what are you thinking?”

I shrugged. “I’m not really sure yet.”

“You pretty much have sophomore standing now, you know.” Curse AP classes sometimes. Why did I have to be such an overachiever in high school?

I put my head down a little and glanced to the side before looking at him again. “I know sir.”

“You know you can pick something later on if you change your mind, but you really have to declare this semester before you get locked out of the system,” he said, “and that isn’t our goal, right?”

I nodded again. I didn’t like it at all in there. It felt as if adulthood was looming over the space like some kind of reaper ready to take away my carefree spirit away in return for responsibilities. I had only had a few weeks of classes and was frankly still getting used to the flow and lack of supervision of college.

“Okay,” said Professor Acharya, “look I know that this is a lot coming at you as a freshman. Trust me, I was there if that makes you feel better.”

I nodded again.

“Do you at least have a relative area that you’re interested in? Science? Humanities? Art? you can always start taking prereqs for a field and that should get the hold off just fine.”

I thought back to my time in high school and how I was pretty well rounded. Calculus sucked, but I got through it. I didn’t think I wanted to go down that route, though it sure would have made Mom and Dad proud. I wanted to do the cheesy thing and make the world a better place, such a naive ideal.

I shrugged again. I wish it were that simple like it was movies. I wish I was a heroine that just had that moment that opened their eyes to the one thing that would make me happy for eternity. But I didn’t know. I didn’t want to just pick something and be stuck in a field that I would hate later on. It scared the shit out of me.

Professor Acharya sighed. “Well, just think about it, I’ll touch base with you again by the end of the semester to take off the hold from your account, okay?”

“Okay,” I said with the myriad of thoughts in my head muddling together into white noise.

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I felt like the world was coming down on me in that little office. The crappy rolling chair felt like a prison and my backpack was an iron ball at my feet.

I headed to my next class on the other side of campus. I was tempted to make a run for it, but no one runs on campus. If you’re late, you’re late. That’s the general vibe, and who’d want to be that weirdo that cares too much? Such a stupid notion really.

I made it to the classroom just five minutes after the start. The room was three-quarters full but my friends said that soon enough all my lectures would be half full at best. I sat next to Dakota, an old friend from high school.

He tied his long hair into a half up and down style I see girls wear in the summer. He hated how long hair could make him break out, but he hated having short hair even more. He played with the crystal that always hung around his neck. He was into that kind of stuff. The pagan things with moonlight and DIY spells. I think he called it Wicca, but I didn’t really understand it and he didn’t talk about it all that much. The geology teacher sat behind his desk as the remaining students filed into the classroom. I guess he was all too familiar with the college protocol of never being on time.

Dakota leaned over and nudged my shoulder.

“You okay?”

I looked away from my phone and the beautiful distraction it provided. I nodded, pretending to be checking my grades, but really I was just looking at empty space. I plastered on a small smile, not as big as my work one. That one was too phony. “Just a little tired, you know?”

He gave me an arched eyebrow as if to call bullshit but quickly relaxed his features. “Already? The semester just started.”

I shrugged and class began. My phone buzzed and look down to see a text from Amber saying that she was going to be late that day. I wanted to punch myself for forgetting. I didn’t answer, the teacher was watching me.

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Lunch rolled around and I walked off campus, past the rows of apartments that held students, to the shopping center that I frequented during afternoons. Beer cans and cigarette butts littered the way like some kind of poisonous crumb trail to young people shenanigans as my grandparents would’ve put it. It wasn’t a bad place per-say, but I wouldn’t let one of my girlfriends walk through here alone at night.

Cheesy pop music played through the various speakers that lined the outdoor mall as high school and college students alike lined up at the various small eateries. They laughed and fake argued in the afternoon sun without a care in the world. I stopped in front of one of the few boba places in the plaza. There were frankly far too many in that neighborhood. I sat in one of the metal chairs and chilled under a brightly colored umbrella.

I scrolled through my various social media when Dakota texted me asking about if I was really okay. That guy was too empathetic for his own good sometimes. I could imagine him sitting in his room, staring at his popcorn ceiling waiting for my reply and many others as worst-case scenarios passed through his mind like some kind of horror marathon.

Me: I’m on a date, I think? Don’t worry dude.”

Dakota: If you say so. Chick or dude?

Me: Chick. Some girl who came to the cafe.

Dakota: Wow, didn’t know you dated casually

Me: She’s cute, ok? give a guy a break.

She came right about then, highlighter flashing in the early autumn sun. Dakota texted me again, but I didn’t pay him any mind as she took her seat, pearly whites on full display and also the tiniest glimpse of cleavage, the amount of cleavage you might see on a teenage girl at church trying to act grown or something like that.

“How’re you doing?” she said with a voice like honey, not artificially sweet.

I felt that lump in my throat still. Just barely there. Just there enough to distract me from the task at hand. “Pretty alright, just got out of Geology.”

“Is that your major?” she said with a quirked brow. That would be a weird major, I guess.

“No, no, just a GE.”

“Oh, those are the worse, so boring.”

“And pointless,” I added.

She pointed casually with an unpainted fingernail. “Precisely, I swear it’s all a scam.”

“You think so?” I said without really thinking. I had guessed she was older by then. She had already been through the university wringer whereas I still thought that everything at school ran great.

“Of course, but we have to pay in to have future,” she said with a sigh.

I just kind of froze. From my experience, first dates were relatively light-hearted, but this girl was negative from the get-go. Still cute, but my initial attraction was faltering a bit, maybe it was my bad mood though. the lump in my throat was still there, making it hard to breathe. I knew it wasn’t a physical thing, but it might as well have been one.

She seemed to have noticed the change in the air and worked to bring some sunshine back to the atmosphere.

“Hey, let’s get some tea already, the line is short for once,” she said with that returning grin. I couldn’t help but grin back. It was contagious. Despite that brief cloud cover, her overall persona was still all sunshine.

I followed her inside, she took the lead. It reminded me of how she led the way for Daniel back on that Sunday into the cafe. We ordered our drinks and returned to the same metal chairs to escape the blaring music inside the shop. We talked about nothing really. She was nice. I was down for a second date.