Warning this may be triggering for some read at your own discretion

I finally found a pill that works but how can I be happy when that pill turns me into a stranger to myself because now suddenly the person I knew the one who was constantly trying to shut out the one in her mind is no longer there it's no longer me I know I'm supposed to be happy because I finally found a pill that works

I finally found a pill that works but I don't know how to be comfortable with a pill that can take me from struggling with the one in my mind and trying to stop my hands from shaking and trying to ignore the waves of pain in my chest because I'm in a hospital with my father who's here to have a procedure done to determine whether or not he will have to have a defibrillator inserted in his chest I knew that the doctor's knew what they were doing but that doesn't mean I'm not going to be anxious and the fact that they had trouble inserting his IV and his blood pressure went up and he was having abnormal heart arrhythmia of course it made my anxiety level go up and he started feeling nauseous and that made me more scared and then they took him in for surgery and it was just me and my two sisters in a waiting room and I could tell my oldest sister was anxious to I was trying not to focus on the one in my mind try not to focus on my anxiety I was scared to start this new medication with all this going on but I knew I had to so I did at first I felt a little weird like suddenly I had a rush of energy and then I started having weird thoughts like how I wish I could jump on a trampoline but when those thoughts went away I realized I couldn't hear the one in my mind I couldn't hear my anxiety I couldn't hear her painful words I don't understand how can a pill do that how can how a pill take you from suffering and trying to find out which thoughts are your own and what's your anxiety is telling you I'm confused I'm conflicted am I supposed to be happy is this my new normal do I continue on this path or do I go back or I do I change course I know that girl who was constantly suffering but just because I know her doesn't mean she's who I wanted to be but right now I'm a stranger to myself but maybe if I continue maybe I'll know this person better than I ever knew her I don't know if I'm happy or If I will ever be but I finally found a pill that works