Warning: This chapter may contain some touchy subjects. I don't think it's bad enough to label as mature content but I will provide a summary at the end just in case!

I’m standing outside of school. The weather is bright and beautiful, Today is the day I actually meet Sam. I’m nervous but I can’t wait to finally see what he looks like. To hang out with him and talk to him and maybe even hang out with his friends. I walk closer to the doors and step inside. I make my way past the main hallway to the hall where my locker is. That’s where he said he’d meet me. 

I’m skipping down the hall towards my locker. Its unusually empty in school today. I haven't seen a single staff member except Mr. Beckett who was just reading something. I’ve only seen very few students. Some I’ve talked to very briefly for a project.

I see a tall figure standing where my locker is located. It must be Sam. He has bright blonde hair and dark brown eyes. He’s wearing all black which I didn’t expect. He skin is very pale, almost like mine but even more pale. He's leaning his back against my locker with his arms folded. His expression looks irritated and angry which I didn’t expect either. Maybe he’s upset because I kept him waiting.

“Sam?” I call out to him.

He glances in my direction and a grin takes place of his frown. However, it doesn’t look like a happy grin. He chuckles which sounds evil and cold. This must’ve all been one huge prank.

“About time you showed up, boy.” He snared. “I’m not your little ‘Sammy’ bud. He’s not real.”

“Who are you?”

“You think you’re so cute looking all depressed and alone all the time. But you’re nothing but an attention seeker.”

“You don’t know a f*cking thing about me or my life!”

He grabbed me by the throat and I could barely breathe. I was too weak to loosen his grip.

“You’re nothing to anyone you f*cking hear me? How could anyone love you after everything you did to your mother and sister?”

How did he know about that? I struggled to release his hand from my throat but I couldn’t. I'm so weak.

“You’re nothing but a pathetic piece of sh*t.” 

I'm too weak.

I'm not strong enough.

I'm not enough.

I'm useless.

He clenches his free hand into a fist and darts it towards my face.

I jolt awake trying to catch my breath. I still feel like I can’t breath, like someone still has their hand clutched around my neck. I look around trying to make sense of what is and isn’t real.

It was just a dream.

I reach over and turn on my lamp. I checked my phone, 6:57. It’s almost time to get up anyways. What if it was a sign? What if Sam really is fake? I guess it’s a little too late to back out now though. He already knows where my locker is and I need to go there before classes. I guess I’ll just have to suck it up.

But what if what he was saying was right? I’m only an inconvenience. Dad doesn’t want me around, I don’t even have any communication with my other family. I don’t even know if I have any other family. Why do I even stick around in this place? All I’m doing is taking up space and taking it away from others.

I glanced at my arms. The scars were still visible. Of course, it's only been several hours. I don’t really know what else I expected.

I could’ve just ran away last night. I’m sure dad wouldn’t have minded. Why didn’t I even think about it? My thoughts were interrupted by my phone vibrating. I’d gotten a message from Sam again. He really is persistent.

Sam: Good morning! I hope you slept well! I’m headed to school a bit early so I’ll probably wait for you at your locker!

Nate: Morning. I guess I’ll see you there?

Sam: Can’t wait :)

My heart dropped. I’m so scared to meet him. I’m so awkward talking in person. I tried to reassure myself there was nothing to be worried about but it wasn’t working. I tried to ignore it and just get ready for school. I headed outside and walked down the road to get to school.

It was overcast and drizzling today but I prefer these days to scorching heat and blinding sun. I arrived at school and walked through the doors and like usual the halls were filled with people. My school consisted of five hallways, A hall, B hall, C hall, and D hall, and then there was the main hall where the cafeteria, gym, and front office were located. I turned to walk down B hall were my locker was. 

I was walking a lot slower than normal. Each step I could my chest get tighter and close in. My heart was racing and I couldn’t slow it down. It got worse when I saw a figure standing by my locker. It was him. They guy that was with the girl and her boyfriend. The three who were looking at me yesterday. Of course it just had to be him.

His short, black, hair looked the same as as when I saw him yesterday. I could see his bright green eyes more clearly which seemed to show anxiousness. He was probably nervous just like me. It's obvious he knows how different we appear. He might be scared I won't like him. As I approach him his skin looks smooth and gentle. He hadn't noticed me approaching yet. His eyes gazed at the floor and he appeared to be lost in thought.

I wasn't as nervous anymore. He didn’t look intimidating. I felt kind of embarrassed for being so scared of him yesterday.

“Uhm, are you Sam?” I asked him.

He jumped and looked up from ground trying to find where the words came from. He looked so terrified looking at me which was really unusual considering how outgoing he was when texting.

“Oh, uh- Nate? Hi! Uhm.. how are you?” He managed to say rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

I laughed which I felt bad about.

“You don't have to be so scared of me.” I giggled looking up at him. “Just because I wear dark clothes and have some piercings doesn't mean I'm rude. I may look like a punk kid but I’m not tough. I'm so short what could I do to anyone? Haha.” This seemed to ease the tension in both of us.

“Ah sorry. I'm just really awkward and have a hard time talking to new people that's all haha.”

“Well that makes two of us.” I laughed.

I took a moment to actually look at him. This was the first time I've seen him so close up.

“Are the bright colors too much?” He laughed

“No. I think they suit you well. I just haven't seen anyone dress like this before… N-not that it's bad or anything! I uhm- I didn't mean it, li-like that or anything. Just uhm- just different.” I stuttered. “But there's nothing wrong with different! Being different is good and-”

“Nate!” Sam laughed putting his hands on my shoulders to shut me up. “You're spiraling. I know you didn't mean anything bad by it.”

He was looking straight into my eyes. His eyes seemed to be even more beautiful up close. They sparkled so bright. I almost wanted to close my own because I was embarrassed at how dull my own were.

“Nate?”

“Huh?”

“Are you okay? Your face is red and you seem to be zoned out.” He said looking genuinely worried. He placed the back of his hand gently on my cheek. His hand was soft. “You feel a bit hot, are you sick?”

“N-no. I- I'm fine.”

“Are you sure, maybe you should take off your hoodie.”

“No!” I shouted. “I- I mean no thanks. I don't want to take it off. I'm fine. Trust me.”

I’m not sick you idiot. I’m f*cking blushing for no d*mn reason.

“Wow look at you two. You haven't even been talking for a full 24 hours and you're both already so worried for each other. How adorable.” A voice said from down the hall.

It was the same girl from yesterday. She was wearing a shirt from some anime I'd never seen. Today she had her hair in two braids instead of one. Sam quickly took his hands off of my shoulders. He stepped back and seemed to be blushing too.

“Melissa! What are you doing here?”

“Dude my locker is literally two feet away from his. You know this. That's how you found his locker.”

“Shhh!” Sam responded hiding his face in his hands.

“Haha don’t be embarrassed.” I chuckled. “I’m glad you stalked me because now I actually have a friend. A stalker friend.”

“I think he’s almost as flirtatious as you are.” Melissa snickered. “You two make a good match.”

“What?”

“NOTHING!” Sam yelled suddenly jerking his head up. “DON’T LISTEN TO HER!”

“Chill, I meant like friends.”

“Oh. Okay that’s fine I guess. Forget I yelled. Sorry about that.” Sam sighed.

“I’m going to go meet up with Jake. See you guys later.”

We said bye and she left us alone. Jake must be her boyfriend. I’ll probably meet him during lunch as well.

“I’m sorry for her.” Sam said gazing to the floor. “She talks nonsense sometimes. Don’t listen to everything she says.”

“You don’t have to apologize. If I wasn’t okay with a friend having a flirtatious personality, don’t you think I would’ve left by now?”

“I’m sorry, I feel like I’m messing everything up.”

“You need to stop apologizing! You’re not messing anything up. This has already been one of the most fun mornings I’ve had in so many years.” I said looking to the ground.

“Really?”

The bell rang signalling only five minutes left to get to class.

“I guess we have to go now. See you at lunch?” He asked.

“Of course.”

I grabbed my things and we waved bye. I can’t help but smile. For the first time in years, I feel happy.

I think I made a friend, mom. I wish you could meet him. You too Poppy. Am I allowed to be his friend? Is that okay with you guys? Am I allowed to be happy?

~

Summary:

Nathan has a nightmare where someone staged being Sam. He resembled Nathan's own self doubt and his thoughts he constantly tells himself and believes. After awaking, he goes to school to meet up with Sam. When he arrives at his locker, Sam happens to be the same boy he saw yesterday. The one with the girl and her boyfriend who were looking and whispering at him. The following scene takes place afterwards:

“Uhm, are you Sam?” I asked him.

He jumped and looked up from ground trying to find where the words came from. He looked so terrified looking at me which was really unusual considering how outgoing he was when texting.

“Oh, uh- Nate? Hi! Uhm.. how are you?” He managed to say rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

I laughed which I felt bad about.

“You don't have to be so scared of me.” I giggled looking up at him. “Just because I wear dark clothes and have some piercings doesn't mean I'm rude. I may look like a punk kid but I’m not tough. I'm so short what could I do to anyone? Haha.” This seemed to ease the tension in both of us.

“Ah sorry. I'm just really awkward and have a hard time talking to new people that's all haha.”

“Well that makes two of us.” I laughed.

I took a moment to actually look at him. This was the first time I've seen him so close up.

“Are the bright colors too much?” He laughed

“No. I think they suit you well. I just haven't seen anyone dress like this before… N-not that it's bad or anything! I uhm- I didn't mean it, li-like that or anything. Just uhm- just different.” I stuttered. “But there's nothing wrong with different! Being different is good and-”

“Nate!” Sam laughed putting his hands on my shoulders to shut me up. “You're spiraling. I know you didn't mean anything bad by it.”

He was looking straight into my eyes. His eyes seemed to be even more beautiful up close. They sparkled so bright. I almost wanted to close my own because I was embarrassed at how dull my own were.

“Nate?”

“Huh?”

“Are you okay? Your face is red and you seem to be zoned out.” He said looking genuinely worried. He placed the back of his hand gently on my cheek. His hand was soft. “You feel a bit hot, are you sick?”

“N-no. I- I'm fine.”

“Are you sure, maybe you should take off your hoodie.”

“No!” I shouted. “I- I mean no thanks. I don't want to take it off. I'm fine. Trust me.”

I’m not sick you idiot. I’m f*cking blushing for no d*mn reason.

“Wow look at you two. You haven't even been talking for a full 24 hours and you're both already so worried for each other. How adorable.” A voice said from down the hall.

It was the same girl from yesterday. She was wearing a shirt from some anime I'd never seen. Today she had her hair in two braids instead of one. Sam quickly took his hands off of my shoulders. He stepped back and seemed to be blushing too.

“Melissa! What are you doing here?”

“Dude my locker is literally two feet away from his. You know this. That's how you found his locker.”

“Shhh!” Sam responded hiding his face in his hands.

“Haha don’t be embarrassed.” I chuckled. “I’m glad you stalked me because now I actually have a friend. A stalker friend.”

“I think he’s almost as flirtatious as you are.” Melissa snickered. “You two make a good match.”

“What?”

“NOTHING!” Sam yelled suddenly jerking his head up. “DON’T LISTEN TO HER!”

“Chill, I meant like friends.”

“Oh. Okay that’s fine I guess. Forget I yelled. Sorry about that.” Sam sighed.

“I’m going to go meet up with Jake. See you guys later.”

We said bye and she left us alone. Jake must be her boyfriend. I’ll probably meet him during lunch as well.

“I’m sorry for her.” Sam said gazing to the floor. “She talks nonsense sometimes. Don’t listen to everything she says.”

“You don’t have to apologize. If I wasn’t okay with a friend having a flirtatious personality, don’t you think I would’ve left by now?”

“I’m sorry, I feel like I’m messing everything up.”

“You need to stop apologizing! You’re not messing anything up. This has already been one of the most fun mornings I’ve had in so many years.” I said looking to the ground.

“Really?”

The bell rang signalling only five minutes left to get to class.

“I guess we have to go now. See you at lunch?” He asked.

“Of course.”

I grabbed my things and we waved bye. I can’t help but smile. For the first time in years, I feel happy.

I think I made a friend, mom. I wish you could meet him. You too Poppy. Am I allowed to be his friend? Is that okay with you guys? Am I allowed to be happy?