From my childhood, I've been kind of weak, avoid fights, and cry if I get hurt. I also avoided girls because of my mom.

During summer vacations, I visit my cousin's place, we used to play wrestling, it used to be fun, but on one occasion, my cousin pulled my underwear during sparing, I was trying to pull it back but could not as I was pinned down. It was both humiliating as well as kind of exciting. From then onwards, I started fantasizing about a person who is being held as a prisoner against his will, he is beaten, he is stripped naked, etc. I used to think of lots of ideas on how his everyday torture would go on, but finally, he escapes from them. Well, it was just a nobody, not me, so I didn't bother fantasizing and it didn't feel much guilty. This happened around the age of 10.

Around that time, I heard a story about a man giving birth to a baby, it felt so embarrassing, I felt that due to my weak girly character, I might turn out like him and end up in some news, I really hated my body as it was weak and fragile, I always wanted to be good in the eyes of public. Around the age of 13, I watched porn for the first time, at first I got scared and stopped but later on, I start watching them on a regular basis. 2 years later I discovered that you can cum without using a vagina but with a hand which is also known as Masturbation. Well anyways, after watching lots of amount of porn, I thought, what if there was a porn based on my childhood fantasy, and as if I hit a jackpot, I find something called BDSM.