“It’s your nightmare make sure to handle it well. Turn up your evil, turn down your care” –Nightmare -Halifax

I hop onto the couch and hug myself as tight as possible.

He loved me.

Damien said he loved me.

“Page looks happy,” Payton remarks as she searches through her nail polish bag.

“Page does indeed.” Izze eyes me suspiciously as she sucks on a cherry popsicle.

Since I’ve returned to Payton’s, it’s been impossible to hide my mess of emotions. I don’t understand anything. Shouldn’t love be more…patient? Developed? How could I go from one minute terrified of his confession to another a gooey fool?

“What do you think of this color?” Payton holds a glass tube in the air to get better lighting on it. “Not, it’s too brown.”

She drops the nail polish back where it belongs.

“So, Page,” Izze removed her cherry ice from her mouth, “why are you so happy?”

I eyed them, debating on what to censure of my little side adventure outside. They’d keep me in lockdown if I said nothing. And, to be fair, I want to share.

“Okay.” I position myself into a more comfortable position. “I ran into Damien when I left the house.”

Izze straightens, her eyes the size of saucers.

“What happened, Page?” Payton feigns nonchalance, but she’s slipped up and accidentally painted a part of her big toe.

Well, a vampire was about to kill me so I think Damien ripped him to shreds. Then he I guess kidnapped me and told me he loved me. Romantic, am I right?

I open my mouth and say, “He told me he loved me.”

Izze squealed and jumped on the couch. I hide my face under the pillow closest to me, embarrassed to show my face.

Izze yanks it away and asks, “What did you say?”

“Um,” I took the pillow back, “nothing.”

Izze stole the pillow again but this time smacked me upside the head.

“Ow!” I yell.

“What do you mean ‘Nothing’?” Izze demands. “Don’t tell me he confessed and you really didn’t reply.”

“Um…” I chose my words carefully. “Yeah, I didn’t say anything.”

“You stupid IDIOT!” Izze began to beat me with the pillow.

“Ow! Ow! Ow!” I tried to protect myself with my arms.

“Well, how did he take it?” Payton asked between Izze’s hits.

“Fine.” I roll off the couch. “He took it fine. Just took me back here.”

Izze threw the pillow at me. She missed.

“He’s way too good for you, Page,” my green friend scolded.

“What?”

“Oh come on.” Izze rolled her eyes. “The hottest, most eye-candied boy in school says he likes you and you don’t say anything? That’s cruel.”

“Well, she didn’t say no or anything,” Payton pointed out. “Leave it alone. If you pick at the scab it’ll only bleed.”

“Stop going on Page’s side,” Izze whined. “Page, do you have feelings for him? I’m not asking if you love him but do you like him at least?”

Be honest with yourself. What’s there to lose?

“Yeah,” I answered.

“Yeah you like him or yeah you love him?”

I hesitated. “I…it can’t be love.”

“Why can’t it?” Izze asked.

“Because it’s way too soon! And I don’t know him enough-”

“That doesn’t matter to him.”

“It just can’t, Izze. It can’t be.”

“Describe how you feel when you’re around him.” Pay paints her left pinkie.

I blush. “I can’t control or hide my emotions very well. He makes me very angry easier or more than anyone else. He makes me do stupid things I would never do-”

Like follow him and watch a vampire fight.

“-I feel frustrated or afraid. But I still think about him and worry.”

My friends look at each other.

“I think it’s love,” Payton voices their thoughts.

“No way,” I say. I refuse to believe it. The whole world could be against me and I’ll still stand my ground. I’m not going to fall in love with a guy who was a total jerk to me when we first met and had the intention, for weeks, to kill me.

I don’t know when he decided to go against orders or what I did to cause him to do it. Honestly, I don’t even care. I could live without ever knowing. I could die not knowing.

I can like Damien, but I won’t love him.

Izze sighed. “I can’t deal with your stubbornness. Pay, you have some chocolate ice cream?”

“Um, yes.” Payton forces a frail smile. “You can have some.”

“Want your nails colored blue?” Payton asks me, holding up navy-blue polish.

I smile and sit near her, peeling off my socks and wiggling my toes.

“How long has it been since we’ve done this?” I ask, watching her start on my right foot.

“An eternity.”

…

I wake in my bed, soaked in moonlight. I roll over to read the time.

“It can’t be twelve at night,” I yawn, pulling my bed sheets over my head. “Can’t…be.”

Something wet trickles down my bare thigh and travels all the way down to my toes. I sigh.

Am I a kid again?

I rotate to my right and one by one strip off my blankets. Then I stand I see myself soaked in wet substance. It’s not what I thought it was because it’s too dark.

I run across the room and turn on the light to look in the mirror; I see myself drenched in blood. Dark, almost black, fresh blood. It drips off my fingers and slips down my arms.

I face my bed and see my whole mattress painted red.

I feel sick.

Even worse, I see a pale body lying limply against the wall on my bed. They’re drained every drop of blood, abnormally pale against the dark red.

The girl’s body is turned to me, her clear eyes open and pink mouth partly parted.

She wears black shorts and a tank top identical to my own. Her hair is splayed over the pillow, drinking in the red.

This girl, this dead Goldilocks, is me.

Or was me.

I spin back to the mirror and see I have changed. My skin is translucent, my fearful eyes a cranberry red. My hair is still blonde but my lips are stained red. I don’t look like me at all.

With shaking fingers I push my dead, old self’s head to the side so I can see her neck.

Puncture marks.

No.

I open my mouth and prick my fingers against extended, menacing fangs.

Did I kill myself?

What am I?

This isn’t what I wanted.

I race out of the room, down the hall, the stairs and out of the house, not bothering to stop. Everything is dark and way too silent. Like everything is dead.

Damien.

I have a craving to find Damien.

My feet hasten and suddenly I’m as fast or maybe faster than the wind. I feel extraordinarily free, inharmoniously happy.

I don’t know where to search. I have no direction, just a desire. Then, suddenly, Damien appears and catches me before I crash into his chest.

“D-Damien. A girl. Me.” I point back, though I’m not sure that’s where my house is. “She-she’s dead.”

He places a cold finger against my lip and purrs, “It’s alright. Calm down. She’s not you.”

“Really?” I squeak, half relieved. The other half remains for the fact there is a dead stranger in my bed.

“That girl is Page Fare,” Damien explains calmly. I stare at him, perplexed.

“But I’m-”

“You’re dead.”

...

When I wake, I feel wet, and I freak.

I leap out of bed and throw off my blankets, pillows, and find nothing. The only wetness I felt was the sweat on my body.

I flopped on my bed panting heavily, so tired but unwilling to return to sleep. I can’t. Not if I had a dream like that.

What did that mean? Was that corpse really me?

I shivered and turned on all the lights in my room. I picked up my cell and decided to call one of my friends-the one that would most likely answer.

“Hello?” Izze answered.

“H-hey.”

“Page? You know it’s…two in the morning.”

“Yeah, I know, but I had a really freaky dream just now.”

“Yeah, well, I have them too and you don’t hear me calling you in the middle of the night.”

“No, it’s really important,” I whine. “I was in bed, right? I woke up and it was midnight and then I felt wet and when I got out of bed I was covered in blood.”

“You have really weird dreams. Am I in it?”

“What? No. Iz. Pay attention.”

“Paying attention.”

“The blood came from this dead girl in my bed. And she was me.”

“Hold up.” Izze coughs. “If you're alive and seeing the dead girl, how can she be you?”

“That’s just it! I don’t know. When I looked in the mirror I looked so freaky. Red skin, paler skin-”

“Like a vampire?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool.”

“No, not cool,” I correct. “I ran out of my house to find Damien and when I did he calmed me down and said the girl wasn’t me.”

“Thank God,” Izze breathes sarcastically.

“Then he said it was Page Fare,” I say, dismissing her attitude.

“But,” Izze paused, confused, “you are Page Fare.”

“I know!"

“Look, Page,” Izze begins, “it’s just a dream and you are not dead, you are alive. So let’s say goodbye, hang up, and see each other tomorrow.”

“But I’m,” I’m reluctant to admit this, “scared.”

“Page, I’m tired and it’s just a dream.”

“But-”

“Please let me sleep,” Izze pleads, and I back down. She’s right, I took advantage of the knowledge that she keeps her phone off silent without thinking of her own situation.

It was a dream. I know that. And I really am fine.

Though Izze can’t see me, I nod in agreement and mutter, “Okay.”

“Goodnight, Page.”

“Goodnight, Izze.”

She hangs up on me, and I set my phone down with shivering hands.

…

It’s the last day of Junior year. Summer waits around the corner and I’m just a few steps away. Only a few steps.

“What are you planning to do this summer, Damien?” Payton asks as students prepare to start their last day in chemistry class.

Damien looks at me, smiles, and my heart jumps.

Izze sees this and winks, making me blush.

I can’t take this. A vampire probably would, but a half-breed? Apparently not.

“Nothing’s been confirmed,” Damien answered.

“Lucky.” Page frowned. “I have to go to Colorado to visit some relatives for more than half of the summer. It’s so not fair.”

“I’m sure it’s not that bad,” the vampire said. “I mean, they’re your family.”

“I couldn’t bear to be around my relatives,” Izze joins in. “They’re all about perfection. I can just imagine the look on their faces when they see my hair.”

“Are you going to visit them?” I question. “Your family, I mean.”

“Are you kidding?” Izze snorted, folding her arms. “You couldn’t make me even if you held a gun to my head.”

“Your mom might end up doing that,” Pay jokes, although the possibility is there.

“So, Page,” Damien places his elbows on my table as I sit. When he notices my glare he reluctantly corrects himself. “Fare. Do you want to go somewhere with me?”

Payton and Izze give me a look of anticipation, eyes raised, fingers crossed and glued tight.

“When you say that do you mean today or whenever I decide?” I question, threading my fingers together.

“Both if it works for you,” Damien smiles seductively.

“Um-”

“Evabranch!” our chem teacher screams, forcing all students to face us. “Class has started. Go to your seat now!”

“I’ll be right there sir.” Damien holds up his hand, his attention still on me.

I am floored, as I am sure as everyone else is, with his action.

“No, you’ll be here right now!”

“I have to wait for Fare to agree to go on a date with me after school,” Damien says, as if that was reasonable excuse for his behavior.

I look at our teacher then back at Damien like he’s crazy.

“Say yes and I’ll go,” Damien promises me.

“Right NOW or I’ll give you after school detention!”

Damien sighs. “Come on, Fare, don’t put me through detention. Say yes or no.”

“You’re playing me,” I accuse.

“Is it working?” He bites his lip, his eyes sparkling. I love those eyes. They remind me of spring time. The season of rebirth, nature coming back to life, filling the world with greenery.

The last time we spoke, it ended on a pretty high note. Why should I protest if it ended on one even higher?

“De-”

“Alright, alright! I’ll see you after class!” I whisper.

Damien smiles and returns to his seat.

“You fell for him hook line and sinker.” Izze inches my arm. “You couldn’t even turn him down because he might get detention?”

“You prepared for the test, right?” Payton asked me. “Read the notes?”

“Don’t worry,” I assured her. “I’ve got this.”

“Hey, hello.” Izze waves her hand in front of my face. “Are you aware you said that you’d hang out with the guy named Damien after school today? Today? Hello?!”

“Denton!” our teacher, Mr. Erickson, shouted from above, jolting Izze. “Do I have to threaten, you too?”

“No, sir,” Izze assured.

I sigh and begin preparing for the final test.

Truth is, I do get it. But if I linger on the thought of going on a date with Damien, I’ll have a panic attack, which won’t do in class.

I’m about to do something that I’ll probably regret and I don’t even care.

…

“So,” I begin as I slide into Damien’s luxurious vehicle, “where and how do you plan on killing me?”

“You think you’re being funny, but you’re not.” Damien closes the passenger door behind me and walks around the car like a normal human.

We’re at school, with countless eyes watching him, restraining him from being his usual flash-like self.

By the time he reaches the driver’s side I feel as if an eternity has passed.

“You could’ve run, you know,” I point out grumpily.

“I want to take my time. Put on your seatbelt.”

“Where are we going?” I ask, doing as told.

“That’s a surprise.”

He doesn’t look happy, so I’m doubting we’re going to the amusement park. Or maybe we are, and he doesn’t like them. Or maybe he’s just worried.

I know I’m worried.

“Hey, I have a question.”

“Yeah?” He swings his head to me as we reach a red light. “What is it?”

“You’re a good vampire, right?”

“Um, I think so.”

“And,” I carry on, “the good vampires are trying to save humans by destroying the cure?”

“Yes.”

“Which is me.”

“Yes.”

“And that’s what I don’t get.” I put my feet on top of the dashboard.

“Put your feet back down,” my date commands softly. “And what don’t you get about it?”

“Well, don’t the good vampires want to protect me? Not kill me?”

“The bad vampires want to protect you. At least until the cure is finished.”

I mutter, “I like the bad vampires better.”

“What?” He laughs and looks back out the window. “And why would you like them better than the good vampires who want to save humans?”

“Because you want to kill me.” I point to my chest. “Are the bad vampires really bad? Who can blame them from wanting to see the clouds and enjoy the sun without turning to ash?”

Damien’s green eyes sadden and I like to believe I’ve convinced him.

“What are you?” I press.

“I don’t understand the question. Obviously a vampire.”

“Yes, but are you a good or a bad vampire?” I simplify. “Because the bad ones are protecting me and the good ones want to kill me. You were supposed to kill me, but now you won’t. But you know, there’s no other way to keep the cure from being finished. So either you or something else will kill me.”

“No,” he says fiercely. Damien replied so quick, sounding so sure and vicious, it alarmed me. “I won’t let that happen.”

“Then what do you intend to do?” I press. “There’s no other way.”

“Go talk to the person making your cure. You can convince him to stop.”

“Uncle?” I say, surprised. “I haven’t seen him for a year.”

“So?” Damien responds. “Let’s go see him now.”

My eyes narrow. “So this is what we’re doing? Going to see my Uncle?”

Just how I envisioned my first date.

“Would you rather die?”

I hesitate. The flashback of the nightmare of my death, blood everywhere. I don’t want to die like that. I don’t want to look like that.

“No.”

“Good.” Damien nods.